How Do You Get People To Stop Triggering You?

[sun seeker]

Um... if it were so easy to get over what happened years ago, PTSD wouldn't exist.

It's good if it works for you, but I will pass on this advice.

 

[Ava Jarvis]

@Mafia_Science -

1. Exposure therapy has a vital step that includes walking through the trauma with a therapist. Exposure therapy does not mean getting yourself triggered repeatedly until you somehow stop having a reaction. Exposure therapy does not work that way.

2. This isn't about making everyone never trigger anybody else. This is about having a specific person who is friends with another specific person not specifically trigger that person via specific triggers. There is nothing generalizing about this, and no, it will not bring down social communication among the species, or even between friends.

 

[EveHarrington]

@Mafia_Science

While I agree that we cannot and should not expect the world to change for us, this dynamic does indeed change when it is a close friend who we're struggling with. It is in no way an imposition to say "hey, I don't want to talk about this subject now or ever again because it's very upsetting so could you please not bring it up around me again?" Off the top of my head I can think of dozens of topics which I would never want to discuss with people because they'd make my stomach turn, but they are not triggers in any sense of the word. IMHO it's about respect. Everyone has personal requests in any relationship and this is ok! I honestly think the idea that we should get over our issues with no outside accommodations (i.e. asking friends to avoid triggering topics) gets taken a little to far. People don't think twice about assisting those with physical disabilities, right? This is just one way that someone can assist a friend with PTSD----don't force conversations about triggering subjects after requested not to.

 

[sun seeker]

I don't think it worked. I don't think I have this friend anymore. Got a phone call that I'm afraid to return because I know it will trigger me. How often am I going to go through losing friends once they understand that I'm harder to be around than they anticipated? I don't want to go through this again. Isolating is easier. Until it isn't, and I try again. And again. And again. Maybe the only way to have friends is not to share too much. Keep them at a distance.

I'm depressed... but really, I'm angry. Seeing me isolated and shaky like this is exactly what my abusers would have wanted. This hurts so much!!:cry:

 

[scout86]

Sorry it seems not to have worked! Not sharing too much tends to be what I do. It's hard to know what's "too much"! So, I tend not to share at all. Also probably not the best approach? You DO have friends here, a fair number of them. We can't, easily, go out to coffee with you, but we're fairly likely to get what you're going through. :hug:

 

[sun seeker]

Thanks @scout86.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

The only people in my life that I share anything at all with are my family and my peers who have struggles of their own. I understand how difficult it is when you share something and it does not pan out for various reasons. I have lost so many people in my life and I cannot afford to share with people who do not walk in my shoes so to speak.

 

[Ava Jarvis]

:hug:

@sun seeker I am so sorry it didn't work out :(

I lost many friends too. But I for whatever reason didn't give up. I eventually found friends who understand.

Some of us can deal with having friends who will never understand, and thus we don't open up to them and keep all the pain inside.

I couldn't.

 

[sun seeker]

Some of us can deal with having friends who will never understand, and thus we don't open up to them and keep all the pain inside.

I couldn't.

I can't, either. Not if I'm calling them friends. I'm okay with not sharing much with acquaintances, or "fair-weather friends"... but once they are actually friends, it's very hard to step back from the level of sharing there was previously.

This has happened to me with two people in the past few weeks. I'm so discouraged, I don't even feel like breathing. :(

Thank you for the support, and the hug.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I understand where you are coming from. I too spent many years of my life wanting to have friends I could share my PTSD pain with and it was all a fail for me until I got to the point where I realized that unless someone has walked in my shoes so to speak they do not have the capacity to be there for me in a way that I need and want . It took me so long to come to terms with this reality. That is why I like peers because I can get really close to them and share so much. It is very liberating. There was a three year period in my life where the only support I had was the great people on the forum. It is a process to find peers you can talk to I think. I do have some friends that I do not share this with and we have fun and laughter. It took me so many years to get here though and I imagine that you will also find your way and hoping that the loss of your friends is not permenent.:hug:

 

[sun seeker]

I know this is not my fault. At least, I sort of know that. This fatigue that is seeping into every cell in my body is keeping me from feeling the pain of rejection and isolation in all its intensity, yet again. It's not the first time something like this has happened to me.

 

[sun seeker]

That is why I like peers because I can get really close to them and share so much.

The thing is, I have so many things making me an unusual case, I haven't yet found anyone around here who can relate to all of it. People will think they can... until it turns out to run a lot deeper than they bargained for. My therapist gets it and doesn't flinch. I still marvel at that.

This friend understands some of my situation and there are areas we can share. I'd have been happy keeping it at that, only there are topics that are a minefield for me, and I needed to warn her away from them... and that was more than she could handle.