TheKunBaBa
New Here
Sometimes i feel dreams are necessary to help me find my way out of me.
But after that dream where i killed myself with hanging , and sitting across it and smiling peacefully...made me feel otherwise of myself and then events kept happening one after the other.
Tues, therapist(once in 2 weeks ) + nitin(friend who left 4 hometown far far away).
Again Tuesday grandparents(will live for 1 or 2 months) the horrible day,
M in a very upsetting condition, hence been on weed so no dreams, and awesome sleep.
But the dream happened on 26th april, i dont remember anything of 25 or 26 or any days before the dream.. before Sadia's appointment. Something should have happened for me to have that dream. I dont remember any etopic
I just had a look the calendar trying to figure out what happened on which day and I'm somewhere close to solving 1 of my own mysteries, of all recents events which has me in this constant death mode...
The dream happened on 26th april, met new psychologist on 28,
Back to cutting on early hrs of 30, i remember being a sat as i met the med doc that day ...
I dont remember sun-mon (1st-2nd) 3 coz i was meeting my dear therapist (cant forget Tuesday's)
For some reason called nitin and found out he's moving back home 2k kms away, life just shattered (i stil know not why) .
Dropped him @ the train station on 4,th, started smoking weed since Tuesday(3rd), cudnt handle myself, would have hurt someone pretty bad..had an instant calm down.
Stopped going to the office since wed (4th) , dont remember thurs-fri-sat(5-6-7th) sun (8th), folks left 1 day trip, hence partied hard on sunday...dont remember sun-mon-tue , all i remember, smoking weed around 11pm...
Today 11may, bro's bday, didn't feel like wishing him yesterday hence called him at the last hr at 11 and then had another joint.
And also i had an appointment today , but i was mistaken it wasnt today it tomorrow, 12th...
I knew it was today, ,i remember her saying 11, and then i said I won't be able to come at 11 so she said ok 8pm on 11.
I never forget appointments with my dear therapist.. I am always early ...and have never jumbled up the dates. ...
This is something new..
No wonder i dont remember sessions, its not me in there, i dont remember what shes talking about or what am i talking about, its only when she says something like i'll not be seeing you every other week instead now it will be once in 2 weeks, have faith in me...
This and other things she says which literally shut me down..im gone someone else takes place and after a while an anger takes over and it protects me from the surroundings and then it connects with me and i do all crazy things like speeding, over speeding, crazy cuts at high speed, dont give a shit about signals(except when stoned, I'm pretty aware and sensible when on weed) and everything is awesome until it wears down or at times induces severe paranoia which hits a punch and welcome to the world of getting ur ass kicked for no apparent reason..
I go thru so many internal changes through out the day just to go on...for what...
But after that dream where i killed myself with hanging , and sitting across it and smiling peacefully...made me feel otherwise of myself and then events kept happening one after the other.
Tues, therapist(once in 2 weeks ) + nitin(friend who left 4 hometown far far away).
Again Tuesday grandparents(will live for 1 or 2 months) the horrible day,
M in a very upsetting condition, hence been on weed so no dreams, and awesome sleep.
But the dream happened on 26th april, i dont remember anything of 25 or 26 or any days before the dream.. before Sadia's appointment. Something should have happened for me to have that dream. I dont remember any etopic
I just had a look the calendar trying to figure out what happened on which day and I'm somewhere close to solving 1 of my own mysteries, of all recents events which has me in this constant death mode...
The dream happened on 26th april, met new psychologist on 28,
Back to cutting on early hrs of 30, i remember being a sat as i met the med doc that day ...
I dont remember sun-mon (1st-2nd) 3 coz i was meeting my dear therapist (cant forget Tuesday's)
For some reason called nitin and found out he's moving back home 2k kms away, life just shattered (i stil know not why) .
Dropped him @ the train station on 4,th, started smoking weed since Tuesday(3rd), cudnt handle myself, would have hurt someone pretty bad..had an instant calm down.
Stopped going to the office since wed (4th) , dont remember thurs-fri-sat(5-6-7th) sun (8th), folks left 1 day trip, hence partied hard on sunday...dont remember sun-mon-tue , all i remember, smoking weed around 11pm...
Today 11may, bro's bday, didn't feel like wishing him yesterday hence called him at the last hr at 11 and then had another joint.
And also i had an appointment today , but i was mistaken it wasnt today it tomorrow, 12th...
I knew it was today, ,i remember her saying 11, and then i said I won't be able to come at 11 so she said ok 8pm on 11.
I never forget appointments with my dear therapist.. I am always early ...and have never jumbled up the dates. ...
This is something new..
No wonder i dont remember sessions, its not me in there, i dont remember what shes talking about or what am i talking about, its only when she says something like i'll not be seeing you every other week instead now it will be once in 2 weeks, have faith in me...
This and other things she says which literally shut me down..im gone someone else takes place and after a while an anger takes over and it protects me from the surroundings and then it connects with me and i do all crazy things like speeding, over speeding, crazy cuts at high speed, dont give a shit about signals(except when stoned, I'm pretty aware and sensible when on weed) and everything is awesome until it wears down or at times induces severe paranoia which hits a punch and welcome to the world of getting ur ass kicked for no apparent reason..
I go thru so many internal changes through out the day just to go on...for what...
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