My Supervisor Makes Me Anxious

[gypsysoul]

I started working about six weeks ago and I work with a clinical psychologist who triggers my anxiety and mistrust of people. What makes it worse is that because she’s trained to interact with people, she can be very manipulative. There are times when she acts very friendly and understanding while other times, she is condescending and rude. She is very discreet with her rudeness (passive aggressive) and I literally want to punch her in the face whenever I see her now. I don’t trust her at all and prefer not to engage in matters other than work with her (i.e. I don’t laugh at her jokes or engage in personal conversation with her). It sucks because I have to interact with her quite often and I always get anxious anticipating our time together. I know it’s only a matter of time before I completely fly off the handle. Anyone have advice, opinions, or similar stories on dealing with this type of supervisor? I really don’t want to get terminated, but I also don’t want to feel that I’m not appreciated. I need balance!

 

[GrayOwl]

I started working about six weeks ago and I work with a clinical psychologist who triggers my anxi...

I've been working under these conditions for many years now in the same location. Balancing the need for a job and income with a difficult workmate(s) has damaged me. Communicating this, working with others, reducing my exposure - all have helped. There hasn't been a good solution, but there are answers and positive directions. Hugs help too.

 

[OrganicRobot]

Keep a log of your interactions with her. I know it is more work, and frustrating because it'll remind you that things aren't going well. However, you need proof just in case because it sounds like you may have a workplace bully on your hands. Also read up on the policies in your workplace, and know who you'd need to contact if things get worse or how to escalate the matters. Mostly likely the individuals you'd report to would be HR or her supervisor.

Also do try to minimize your interactions as much as possible like you are already doing. Stick with doing your work or interacting with other colleagues. Make sure you get stress relief from such (work and interactions) as you're going through this process. Also make sure you have a Plan B for your work/career situation. Brush up your resume, and keep an eye on other openings. Be proactive and alert, but make sure you are able to unwind from being so proactive and alert. Don't allow it to over consume you. And don't overwork to make yourself look better. As long as you're doing your job correctly and well you should be fine, unless loyalty and company politics pop up (in that case probably best to leave at that point).

You don't know when the ball will hit or if it ever will. But trust your gut and stay alert. I made the mistake of trusting someone that my gut from day one said not to trust. And if anything is escalated make sure it is formal, professional and mature. Well documented and in print. Not just verbal information. It is stressful to keep things documented but well worth it.

Look up a youtube video: qualiasoup workplace bullying
It has some excellent points. Hope this helps.

 

[gypsysoul]

Keep a log of your interactions with her. I know it is more work, and frustrating because it'll re...

Thanks OrganicRobot for suggesting to keep a log. I think that's a good idea actually. And it'll help get those feelings out as well... I have also confided in a co-worker, who I can talk about my supervisor with. She tells me not to trust our supervisor either and that her intentions are not good. Which makes me even more agitated that she tries to have personal conversations with me. I really can't stand deceitful people.

@GrayOwl, so even though you've been dealing with this for awhile, you haven't lost your temper? That's pretty inspiring that you can keep your cool. Maybe I can too :angelic:. I'm normally VERY chill, but if I'm pushed enough...:devilish:

 

[OrganicRobot]

Thanks OrganicRobot for suggesting to keep a log. I think that's a good idea actually. And it'll help...

It is good to have another colleague on your side. Be careful though, because they too may be scared for their own job. Keep any talk about your supervisor professional and only about the facts. As well as solutions to improve the situation. Avoid gossip, and indulging in assumptions. Also be careful of getting to personally close to colleague during such trying times. Work and interpersonal issues + high degree of personal closeness can get messy. Doesn't mean don't interact or enjoy your time around another colleague. Just rethink of what you share, and is it really appropriate for a work environment.

Best of luck.

 

[GrayOwl]

Remember, you are there for YOU and those you are there to help, and to be the best that you can be at what YOU do - not to please her or live up to her expectations. Take a deep breath, keep it simple, and stay where you are comfortable.
Remember too, that we are all different. Sadly, she has to live with an unpleasant person - herself. That can't be a very good pace to be...lol.
Focus on the good things in life, what you enjoy, what you can do after work, keep a log if need be - documenting is very important if you are indeed dealing with a workplace bully. Please keep your interactions professional and mature - OrganicRobot is absolutely right on.
Workplace bullies need to control and creating chaos and tension are their weapons of choice. She will try to use those on whoever seems a susceptible "target", so try to stay out of the "line of fire".
In my situation, I came to understand that my supervisor is sick - he has terminated the jobs of over a thousand people in a small workplace that employs under 200 people. This, over 16 years. The company saves millions on pension and benefits by keeping him - all legal in my jurisdiction. When my Mom lay dying of a stroke 200 miles away and I was the only living relative to make her healthcare decisions - he called me into his office and one on one told me: "You tell your family to have their medical issues when you have vacation time so you don't affect my schedule. You can't have time off. Now, get out and go back to work." I know he wanted me to come across his desk and choke him - we were on camera - and then I too would lose my job - and he would win. So I told him I would re-evaluate my career there - and left his office. State law allowed me the to take time for Mom so it worked out. I have since made it a point to counsel my workmates in what to expect and how to use medical leave as needed.
I don't know where the strength has come at times - a higher power - and a support group - otherwise I wouldn't have made it. Its through people listening and sharing that I find the strength to continue. I found this website two weeks ago - myPTSD - its amazing. I wish you the best - and send you some serenity! It helps. I have a little extra today - help yourself to some.
And no, I haven't lost my temper. I've hurt very very badly at times - but by finding a few very wonderful people to share with, cry to, I've gotten stronger. I also know that if my survival absolutely depended on it - I would have to leave work or the job - there would be another avenue somehow.

 

[gypsysoul]

Remember, you are there for YOU and those you are there to help, and to be the best that you can be at...

Very nicely written. I think we all can surprise ourselves with how strong we can truly be. There is definitely some level ground I will hit soon, now though, I feel upset and highly irritable. It makes going to work very tough, but one of my favorite quotes, "when you're going through hell, keep going" reminds me that it won't last forever. I know my feelings will hit a plateau eventually and it won't be so bad. It's reassuring knowing I'm not the only one fighting this battle.

 

[GrayOwl]

Remember, you are there for YOU and those you are there to help, and to be the best that you can be at...

I have to run. Like yourself, I'm new to the forum. Any workplace issues feel free to send me a message.
I liked your intro. People are generally #%@%#$@%. I agree. Sometimes I wish Darwin's law was a little more effective - but then I probably wouldn't still be here either. You have a good day. You are not alone.

 

[Gadgie]

It's a weird thing, but it's something that I discovered a long time ago, when I was a welding inspector on a oil rig construction site, we had a boss that we were all afraid of?

He used to come into the office, throw his hard hat across the room, and start shouting at us all to get down onto the shop floor, and leave the paperwork. Then, he would shout at us for being on the shop floor, and chase us up to do our paperwork in the office?

I realised that he didn't really matter, in a few months time he will just be a bad memory, and that he couldn't really hurt me, so why should I be scared of him, I will be telling jokes about him in a couple of years time.

So my whole attitude changed towards him, I wasn't scared of him any more, no matter what he did or said to me, he wasn't that important in my life. He sensed this in me, and for a while tried to intimidate me in front of the others.

However, that never worked, and I was always the one to question him, and to argue with him, in front of the others, I think in the end he appreciated that in me, and tended to back off away from me. We both had this uneasy respect for each other.

What I'm trying to say is, it's not the end of the world, if your boss treats you badly, stand up to them, show them that your not afraid of them, and that your not prepared to take their crap.

They will respect you for that, and if they don't, who cares, they are not life threatening, they can't harm you, more power to you!

 

[gypsysoul]

It's a weird thing, but it's something that I discovered a long time ago, when I was a welding inspector...

So very true. I tend to be more cautious in the civilian world as people are a lot more sensitive, but I definitely see that the more I stand up for myself, the more respect I get. I just need to make sure I'm not standing up for myself during times of high frustration where I might say something I will regret.
I appreciate your support and advice!

 

[Gadgie]

Aye! it takes a while to adjust to civvy life at first? I've noticed that my PTSD has changed my character, especially if folk upset me.

I tend to lose my temper a lot quicker, and lash out, without thinking of the consequences, but so far I've survived that.

I'm lucky in a way now, as being retired I don't have to mix with folk any more, like the work environment. As I just know that I wouldn't fit in, and my quick temper and intolerance for arrogance, would soon get me in trouble?

 

[GrayOwl]

Hi.....
Hope work is going better. :tup:
Keep smilin'.