Attachment Difficulties From Early Years Trauma Or Developmental Trauma

[Crow]

Does anyone have the same attachment issues with yourself as you do with others? For me as I mend my inner relationships, the outer relationships - or at least my attitude towards them - seem to follow suit. Like I was taught from infancy I wasn't worth time or deserved to be alive. But as I rewrite that code, I guess I'm seeing my worth from other's eyes. Hope that makes sense.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Yes it does sound familiar but when they let you go so easily that in itself says I did the right thing.
I really hate it when someone does for me when I never asked, then has to let others know what a good person they are. I think that's when the friendship started going south because I felt shamed. Then I feel I owe them.

 

[ladee]

@Alice.in.Wonderland, you described me to a tee !!! That is me !! I don't NEED anyone, but please let me know I matter somehow.... that I am worth something, not worthLESS.... you put it into words for me... thank you !!
My experience with my first T, I was thinking about when reading @Kaluki's post, it was my T that had an attachment to me....I found it so odd that when she got her own office, she took me with her, and never charged me except what was the sliding scale at the local Mental Health agency... when she went on vacations, she always brought me back something... just remembering this today...setting here with a crease between my eyes.. I was so shut down for so long that I never understood what that was... Think I am going to go and think about this for awhile. Hmmm.

 

[EveHarrington]

I can't figure out if it's a matter of attachment issues or paranoia or what. It's all entwined. God help me wade through this muck!

 

[Snowflake]

Does anyone have the same attachment issues with yourself as you do with others? For me as I mend...

I hate myself and don't think I am worth a penny.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

Yes, actually. I Have friends who don't expect me to be what they need all the time. I guess I am honoring me, so they have to honor me too.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

I can't figure out if it's a matter of attachment issues or paranoia or what. It's all entwined....

I think attachment disorder sets up some pretty weird reactive patterns and perceptions of the world. Which feel real. But aren't. So yes, it is really hard navigating this...

 

[Tinyflame]

It was much earlier in my life (compared to now) that I allowed myself to focus on the hurt of familial rejection, neglect or abuse. Not that it doesn't cut to the core & influence me though.

It is a truism (in general) if you don't care it won't hurt. Definitely from past experiences it 'makes sense' to pull the plug first.

@Kaluki how you view your relationship with your T, or others, when it ends, and everything that is viewed/ memory/ our lives, they say will be affected this way below (for one).The biggest factor is how it ends, unfortunately (a friend on here sent me this once):

www.ted.com/talks/daniel_kahneman_the_riddle_of_experience_vs_memory?language=en

 

[EveHarrington]

I think attachment disorder sets up some pretty weird reactive patterns and perceptions of the world. Wh...

Oh no! Now my mind is in a chicken/egg confusion! Lol. I should stop worrying about this for now as it's going to drive me crazy.

 

[Sideways]

It is a truism (in general) if you don't care it won't hurt

This, omg how true is this! At a day by day level, life for me is so much easier now that I know that I really really don't care what the world thinks of me, save about 5 v close people.

But it's always about finding the balance. I master this so well because, well, I really don't care what anyone thinks about me. In fact I go through life assuming that most people don't actually think about me at all. And while that's a priceless skill when I'm having a complete meltdown in the middle of the pharmacy, where it ultimately leads to is I don't feel connected to people who feel connected to me. It's not just isolating, I've actually really hurt several people along the way by not realising that I was, in fact, important to them.

 

[Ronin]

Does anyone have the same attachment issues with yourself as you do with others?

Made sense, a different boat here.
Or rather, the same issues manifest quite differently. &
The attachment issues I have with myself, I'm able to sort helluva fast, or more productively. With others, it's something I'm constantly re-learning and needing guidance about.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

:hug: @Snowflake
Sits down next to you *sighs* because I so understand. I hate those bastards who instilled that pain.

You are worth so much, I know you have gifts. You might even know what some of them are.
I know you are very brave to voice your feelings.
I'll just sit here with you if it's okay.