Custody

[The ANP]

Given that there is no custody arrangement I would not allow visitation. If the child is in his custody he can block you as easy as you are blocking him. I would stay the course and force him to establish paternity. Not being on birth certificate is a win. Good job.

 

[Suzetig]

I also don't see why asking for advice on here and getting expert consultation would be mutually exclusive.

I'm not sure I've said they are mutually exclusive, nor did I say not to seek support. I was saying that, given how complex the legal process, the advice you do get may be less useful than would be the case in more straightforward situations.

I'm not sure what about that has made you so angry, that wasn't my intention. And my apologies re citizenship, I hadn't realised the Ukraine doesn't recognise dual citizenship - every day a school day.

 

[scout86]

In our legal system here, anyone can accuse anyone else of anything they want, based on anything they want. That doesn't mean they'll win.

So, here? Sure, he could claim that makes you an unfit mother, but the fact that he could make that claim doesn't mean he'd succeed. What matters more than what he might do, is what does the court you'd be dealing with think an unfit mother IS? Does that make sense?

If I was in your situation, I'd document, document, document. So, you wouldn't be dealing with the Ukrainian courts? You'd be dealing with what? The UK? In that case, what's their view of the father's rights and responsibilities?

This guy has offered no help at all in the care and feeding of "his" child. He has no concrete proof that it IS his child. You have no way of knowing if it would be safe in any of several ways, for him to take the child into his care, even for a few hours. I think an unfit mother might more be someone who'd say, "Sure, just come and get the kid."

My thought is, the baby is too young to travel (just sayin'), you're broke. If he wants to see the kid, he's welcome to come to the Ukraine. You're scared of him (again, just sayin'), so it's only smart not to meet alone at your place. You'll meet him at a safe, neutral location, in the presence of witnesses, if he wants to meet the baby. To me, a responsible mother makes sure her kid is in safe situations. Even if the biological father doesn't like the arrangements.

If he wants you to come to the UK......... Find out what you can about the laws first, but I'd say he ought to pay for it. He hasn't paid for anything else, and he IS claiming it's his kid. YOU didn't make him leave the Ukraine, he chose that. In fact, one might even suggest that a "fit" father wouldn't have done that, he'd have stuck around, helped, and been some kind of support.

 

[Casey_03]

I'm not angry, just seeking to clarify that I am not being reckless or foolish with such a sensitive situation (because yes, I think it would be both foolish and reckless for someone to rely on this forum for expert information on custody laws). I am asking on here for my own sanity and to try to gain more insight on a subject with myriad nuances and complications. I have posted about custody in the past and many people responded with information about their own personal experiences in custody battles. That was what I was hoping to get here -- to find out whether or not anyone has seen or heard of blocking visits being used against the mother later.

 

[scout86]

Just to add, based on experiences here, there are often NO consequences for a mother blocking visitation, even when the court has ordered the visitation, the father is making payments, and is a decent guy who really wants to be involved with his kids. In a lot of parts of the US, the father's rights aren't given a whole lot of value at all.

 

[Casey_03]

@scout86 Thanks. I am thinking if he keeps persisting and demanding to see the baby, maybe I will ask that a mediator step in to explain things to him and be present if there is any future visit (and that would have to be done here in Ukraine, not in the UK because I really think he will try to kidnap the baby, just to spite me). I am just trying to make a decision on whether or not to block the father completely. That is what I have been doing so far but he is now threatening to go through the courts, and if I am going to make matters worse by blocking him, maybe I should try to resolve this in some other way.

 

[Casey_03]

Just to add, based on experiences here, there are often NO consequences for a mother blocking visitation, even when the court has ordered the visitation, the father is making payments, and is a decent guy who really wants to be involved with his kids. In a lot of parts of the US, the father's rights aren't given a whole lot of value at all.

Yeah, that's sort of what I've been counting on. I know in Ukraine it's the same way, but because Ukrainian law doesn't apply to my situation, I'm at a loss for how it would work internationally .... it would basically be a battle fought in Ukrainian courts but using jurisdiction dictated by an international custody agreement in place in most of Europe.

 

[scout86]

but using jurisdiction dictated by an international custody agreement in place in most of Europe.

I hope you can get some input from members who are a bit familiar with that. Obviously, there are some countries where the father has all the rights. But, if you're dealing with a European convention of some sort, it's more likely to be fair. Actually, the biggest problem, on either side, might be sorting out jurisdictions. Because, even if he got a court order of some sort, he'd have to find a way to enforce it. That might be complicated since it's Ukrainian authorities who are physically present, but the agreement would have to be between the UK and the US legal systems in some way. It sounds like the kind of situation where, if you WANTED something done, there'd be too much red tape to ever accomplish it.

 

[Casey_03]

It sounds like the kind of situation where, if you WANTED something done, there'd be too much red tape to ever accomplish it.

Exactly.

 

[The Albatross]

Definitely seek the counsel of an international family law attorney.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Until he is the legal father he can't do diddly as far as US laws are concerned, and I'm willing to bet most other countries as well. Until paternity is established he's howling in the wind. He has ZERO rights until then.

 

[The Albatross]

Uh, no... my brothers son was abducted basically by a Swedish national his "wife" under the guise of taking him to the family church to get baptized in the traditional familial church... he had to get an international family law attorney involved. Even if it's a consult... learn, know your position. So important, no lie.

We got a photo when he was 9, he was "removed" at 6 months old. He is 24 now. My brother is crushed. Lesson being, know/learn your rights and take legal counsel.