Can Anyone Relate? Social Anxiety Related

[DreamLover]

When I am out and about, I feel like I am being **constantly** judged. I'm convinced people are judging my parenting skills, my appearance, that I'm a slut or seductress...basically any and every bad judgement that can be made, I think people are making about me. I get hyper-focused on my tasks when I'm out and try to maintain a facade of calm confidence, but it's an act. Can anyone relate to this? How do you manage it?

 

[The Albatross]

What shame based messaging did or have you gotten about appearance slut/seductress?
What association do you have with "being constently judged"... does it come from a place in your background or is it irrational?
Do you have a history of agoraphobic tendencies or isolating behavior?
Are or could these thoughts be hardwired cues to avoid "being out and about"?

 

[macbeth]

I can relate to social anxiety a lot. I believe people are judging me but it's not so much about my appearance or how I look as it is my own behavior. I worry if I've said the wrong thing or said too much or to little etc. Unfortunately I can't offer any advice on how to deal with this in that I respond as you do, act calm and ok but on the inside I want to scream and run. Hopefully someone else who's overcome this can give us both some tips. :hug: s my friend.

 

[prayingforpeace]

I can most definitely relate and I'm certain I am suffering from agoraphobia. I can NOT be in a crowd, traffic, or anywhere I feel trapped and can't get away. I have to avoid as many of these situations as possible. I had a very difficult time at my sons recent high school graduation. Ugh! In public like at the grocery store, I feel like others look down on me. I feel less than everyone around me. Sometimes if I go into a "nice" store, I get convinced others think I'm too poor to be there.

Wow, that sounds so paranoid when I write it down! I may have been dealing with these things on a less intense level for many years but ever since my ptsd has come on full force, it's been bad. Maybe it has to do with the level of shame and mocking we've dealt with? Past feelings making an appearance for some reason during current experiences. I can guess why I feel the way I do but I'm confused as to the new level of intensity lately for myself. I know what I'll be discussing in this weeks therapy session.

 

[DreamLover]

What shame based messaging did or have you gotten about appearance slut/seductress?
What associati...

My mom was intensely critical of my appearance - and also jealous (she had NPD). My father groomed me and would talk about my looks a lot (told me I had a "hot ass" when I was thirteen - barf). So I felt ugly/unworthy (from mom), and afraid of looking beautiful (from mom), and would feel ashamed if I was complimented or recognized for being attractive (from dad).

I think it's my mom's ongoing commentary about how I'm doing it wrong/how I messed up that has just become my default internal chatter. Constantly feeling like I need to perform (if that makes sense) to please the people around me, or rather keep people around me from getting upset!

I always worked in bars, so had to learn to put on a show/act of being comfortable with a lot of people, but for many years, if I wasn't out working or drinking, I was home alone. I remember being a teen and just wanting to be in my room with my door closed. Preteen even. I was an only child growing up (parents were divorced), and neglected, so silence/isolation was normal.

Thank you Albatross for asking these questions. I haven't really thought about these issues this way before.

 

[Saria]

I have social anxiety as well, and can really relate to the feeling of being judged and criticized. Haven't found a good way to cope with it yet though.

I think it's my mom's ongoing commentary about how I'm doing it wrong/how I messed up that has just become my default internal chatter

This is exactly the way I feel too. At least it's a good thing that you realize that it is your parents that are at fault here, and not you. I too have a lot of self criticism and shaming. I find it hard to accept myself when I've never experienced acceptance (until recently). Are you anxious with friends and people you know as well, or mostly with people you don't know? It has helped me quite a bit to recognize cognitive schemas/schema therapy, although that might only be relevant if you feel the same way in close relationships too. Are you in therapy at the moment?

 

[EveHarrington]

I have some of these thoughts/feelings.

Mine are more paranoia related-----when my paranoia spikes, these types of thoughts/feelings spike.

It's hard to battle------much of the time I just isolate. Like now. :-/

 

[Deleted member 34424]

Yeah, I have that off and on, but it's just my anxiety/OCD being annoying little shytes and I know it's nothing but intrusive thoughts based on anxiety.

And even if people are judging me, NO ONE has ever stepped up to me and said something judgmental. It's the same for you and everyone else.

RuPaul said something very helpful AND true: "If they don't pay your bills don't pay them any mind". Strut your hot-stuff!

 

[DreamLover]

I have social anxiety as well, and can really relate to the feeling of being judged and criticized. Haven...

Hi Saria,

Thank you for responding. Honestly I feel like I'm being judged by everyone all the time. Even friends I have from childhood, I will read into their communications and think "they're being passive aggressive" or "they're just responding out of obligation." I don't feel safe with anyone.

I'm in IC but I haven't been consistent about going.

 

[aliveandwell]

When I am out and about, I feel like I am being **constantly** judged. I'm convinced people are judg...

Yes, can definitely relate, though for me the theme tends to revolve around the way i look mainly. I don't feel this way all the time though, just some days, when i feel particularly in kind of a more negative, anxious mind state. I find it helps to put things into perspective. First of all, we are not mind readers, we don't know what people are thinking. Secondly, everyone makes snap judgements all the time, not necessarily negative either. What people think is basically out of our control. What we can control is how we think about things. So deep breathing to relax, and shifting the focus to being more grounded, becoming aware if im engaging in mind reading, put things into perspective, everyone makes judgements, and then lastly, though by all means there are other tips, id ask myself if i think those things about myself, is that what i tell myself, and if so, work on changing that- work on feeling more secure about you and not worry what people may or may not be thinking.. if i fear others are thinking those things about me, realize that they may not be, you don't know and also, that it is hurtful to be overly critical and jugemental of people, may those people if they are out there, learn to develop compassion since most people dont appreciate being judged and may i be compassionate to those who are stuck in making hasty judgements about people, as it's really a limitation of the mind and not a peaceful place to be. And may i be compassionate with myself, to love myself, even when i may be being judged.