Attachment Difficulties From Early Years Trauma Or Developmental Trauma

[watundah]

Understand.
I have a former therapist who I saw about six months and we've been friends for 30 years! She's a better friend than therapist to be honest. It is a weird and rare transition and I sometimes wonder if my current T will go there...
Maybe he feels the rules are different since he is retiring. I suspect he knows the terms of your relationship and you see him as a a dad. Maybe he likes that and can settle into it. I think it would be great to be close to someone like that. It may be gradual, so make it what you need. He may be transitioning counter-transference into a healthy relationship. So he's not leaving but your relationship is changing...

 

[sun seeker]

That kind of thing.

I'm listening.

I'm having a pretty rough time lately so don't have any eloquent words, but I am here. I am so sorry this is happening. Truly.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

thank you each of you, Junebug, Watunda and Sun Seeker. I feel held and supported in your kind understanding. I am grateful to you for hearing me.
I loved what Watunda said : he's not leaving, the relationship is changing. That is going to be my mantra. I love it. thank you.
And Junebug: we have a cat that was left orphaned in the wild with her brother - they ate spiders and barely survived. We adopted her when she was six months old and just rescued. She was terrified and was unable to attach. Ten years on and she is lying in front of me in the best seat in the house licking her paws as though she owns the place with not a care. She was changed by love and patience and time. I think that is what we need too. A few good people to be patient and love us until we become whole. I wish that for all of us. If I have survived this far, learning how fragile it is to be human, then I can keep going forward - being grateful for the smallest of good things in my life.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

I go see my T today. I have a list of things to talk about, and no idea to squeeze that in to an hour. I want to ask him if when he ends can I phone him once a week or can we email fairly regularly until I get on my feet? But I fear asking this. I know he always has a default position of caution and tighter bounderies and sometimes it is best not to trigger that kind of reaction in him. that question might trigger exactly that in him. :(
Sometimes my little vulnerable me that loved him so much has already given up on him. :arghh;

 

[I_will_recover]

@Rumors
A reminder that You are never alone.
Now if I could just remind myself :tup:

 

[Rumors]

Back at you @I_will_recover
You are never alone either!

 

[I_will_recover]

I hate myself and don't think I am worth a penny.

@Snowflake
You're not worth a penny. You're worth all the pennies on the planet.

 

[Whyteferret]

I think attachment disorder sets up some pretty weird reactive patterns and perceptions of the world. Wh...

@Kaluki
Trauma changes things. One of the things I learned was that trauma changes how we feel/view ourselves, others, and the world.

I know I'm much more jaded about life, people, myself, the world than I used to be. I also don't see myself as valuable at all. Or likable. My T shocked me last week when he said I was a pleasant person to be around and could have more friendships if I reached out to people or let them reach out to me.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

Yes, I feel trauma dismantled me in the weirdest of ways so that I don't operate like I am 'supposed' to.
But I am trying to live with it
and sometimes just a small thing will bother me so much it sets off a cascade for me.
and I get so upset I can't think straight or talk clearly.
it is very wearying.
losing my T in a year's time seems the bleakest thing when I never had such a person in my life before.

 

[Whyteferret]

Yes, I feel trauma dismantled me in the weirdest of ways so that I don't operate like I am 'supposed' to...

Every therapist is a bit different. Maybe it's time to see what you can learn from someone else too.

Ask your therapist to help with who he recommends and referral

 

[Deleted member 33880]

I have. and he says' well, no one may take over my post and we are over subscribed anyway, so you may have to do without even though you are not in a fit state to do without' that is the NHS for you. Deeply underfunded on mental health.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

easier on me if he had died

I just wanted to say that you're not alone in having that thought about losing a therapist. But also to say, it does get better. It takes time but it does. I think I fear therapy because of those awful feelings of loss.