Relationship Beware Ptsd Being Used As An Excuse...

[lostforgottensoul]

He's just a cowardly jerk.

Indeed! Im sorry that happed! You deserve better than that! :hug:

PTSD is hard for both the sufferer and supporter alike in different ways but it certianly doesnt give us a free pass to treat people like shit!

 

[MandyLou]

@lostforgottensoul - thanks. The most difficult part of it all... that in his mind... he just moved on... whether he ever said anything to me or not, that didn't really matter to him. That hurts more than I can explain and it's beyond my ability to understand how a person that claimed to love me suddenly went so cold and distant and started acting like I don't exist. I was in love with someone who just didn't exist and I'm really sad to realize that I gave this jerk something he never deserved... while I am left broken, hurt and depressed... he will never, ever understand the impact that has had on me. It's been very difficult to recover from this. I doubt that I will ever recover from this completely. It's very hard to embrace that a person that I held so close to my heart was just a fraud.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@MandyLou you certianly deserved at least an explain, the very least! PTSD may mean isolation, BPD or other personality disorders may mean unstable relationships and the like and I have both and I was trying harder to keep our relationship together than my ex and when i had decided to leave, it was the hardest thing I had to do. But he certianly knew why. So in my option, there is no excuse for that and you certianly deserved better than that jerk!

PTSD, BPD, or any mental disorder isnt an excuse to treat people like shit!

 

[MandyLou]

@lostforgottensoul - yes, yes... very true!!! I have a bit more to share. He would ignore all communication from me and then after couple months of ignoring me would approach me at work to "initiate" some sort of communication.... when he approached me, I basically communicated (non-verbally - tone of voice, abruptness, etc) that he needs to stay away from me. In his mind... he can comfortable ignore me for a couple months, then just pop in and start making a conversation... and with all these... he wanted me not to feel anything about this? What a total jerk! The things is... I did communicate that our communication is not going to happen only upon his convenience and comfort and then he can abandon me any time he feels like it! No, thanks!!! This experience has really helped me to value and respect myself even more and allow others to treat me well and with respect... if they are not going to treat me the way I treat them... then there is no point of having a relationship. I treated this guy good and all he did was to step all over me. I could easily find someone who treats me like crap and abandons the relationship at any unpredictable juncture, leaves me confused, lonely and constantly wondering what I did to deserve this. The reality is... I could have not treated him any better... I was just trying to find a rationale for why I deserved such treatment because grasping the reality that he's just a jerk was too painful.

 

[BSSupporterGB]

I am really sorry that this has happened...there is no excuse for a**hole behaviour. Sounds like be needs to work on things a bit more for himself otherwise this will keep happening with every person he begins a new relationship with. Sometimes, our love and support is just not enough and they have to be accountable for their behaviour at some point. You have needs to and relationships take effort on both sides.

Sometimes I wonder, if it is easier to be with someone who there is no real connection with, why bother to even connect with someone and start a relationship with them only to leave and be with a stranger because it's easier? Why not simply have a series of non-meaningful encounters with people who you have not got a connection with and wouldn't build a relationship with? This is a legitimate question. If you want a meaningful relationship then have one, but don't use the excuse that it's easier to be with a stranger and then go and do that. If you know it's easier to be with a stranger...don't start a meaningful relationship with someone in the first place because you know you will leave when it gets too real which just hurts the person who has fallen in love and supported/cared for you....

Thoughts?

 

[EveHarrington]

I am really sorry that this has happened...there is no excuse for a**hole behaviour. Sounds like...

PTSD doesn't take away our primal human instincts to be social beings who need companionship and human touch. It's easy to say oh if you're going to act like this then just go out and have random encounters with strangers------this approach fails to understand that we need(!) human connection. (Even if we say the random thing is easier.) Random stranger encounters don't fit the bill.

It's not so black/white as to say that if you want a meaningful relationship then have one. Most of us want that, dare I say?

It's a battle of needs and wants. Needs will win even if it tends to end in disaster.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

don't start a meaningful relationship with someone in the first place because you know you will leave when it gets too real which just hurts the person who has fallen in love and supported/cared for you....

Im sorry but whom knows in the beginning they will end up leaving? Its not like a planned "thing". And not all of us leave because "it got real".

You asked for thoughts, those are mine.

 

[jbrown2691]

This will be my last post here - I am no longer a supporter sadly.

I finally found out what it mean...

I think it's best you find a relationship forum since you are spewing out info that isn't related to Ptsd. Which this is called my Ptsd not someone's ptsd. You don't have ptsd so farewell.

 

[BSSupporterGB]

I don't know how to quote...sorry.

In response to you Eve, the battle between needs vs wants is a difficult one, I agree. I don't believe that needs will win. Not if you are committed to the relationship and working on it with your partner. As a supporter, I have needs, which are not being met, and it's been a while, and it would be so easy to just be with a stranger to get those needs met (and I have the means, and mode to do that), but I am committed to my partner and working on it with him, I would expect him to do the same (and he is). The relationship is worth more than mine or his needs being met right now. It is hard but worth it, if you truly love someone, you will be willing to work on how you can meet each others needs and not take the easy way out to get some need met right now. Human connection is a need, agreed. Human connection doesn't always mean being in an intimate relationship with someone. If your need is an intimate relationship then be willing to work on it, when things get real, instead of being with a stranger to get your needs met.

In response to lostforgottensoul - I don't think anyone plans on leaving when they start a relationship, but if it keeps on happening because it's easier to be with a stranger, then there comes a point where you should actively decide to either not start those kinds of relationships or be willing to work through it with them to continue being in that relationship no matter how hard it gets.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

In response to lostforgottensoul - I don't think anyone plans on leaving when they start a relationship, but if it keeps on happening because it's easier to be with a stranger, then there comes a point where you should actively decide to either not start those kinds of relationships or be willing to work through it with them to continue being in that relationship no matter how hard it gets.

Since this is in response to me, i will reply to it.

What? Dont start "those kinds of relationships"? Why? Because we got f*cked up, got PTSD (and in my case other things) and dont know how to be in a relationship? So that means i shouldnt try? I roll my sleaves up and do the hard work but i leave people before they can leave me because of my history. But what i am not is a quitter

What you are saying, from what im understanding, is to stop trying to be in a committed wonderful relationship unless i know how to be in one. That is something that i wont be following, but thank you.

 

[BSSupporterGB]

@jbrown2691 This is a little harsh. She was a supporter and part of this forum, and has every right to post about this.

Take care of yourself bubbles. xo

 

[Sweetpea76]

@jbrown2691, I see that you're a new member, but you need to be aware of how this forum works.

Which this is called my Ptsd not someone's ptsd. You don't have ptsd so farewell.

This forum includes sections for sufferers and supporters. *This* part of the forum is for supporters, so it *is* about somebody else's PTSD.

There is no need for hostility. If reading supporter threads upsets you, then I suggest you avoid them.