Moving, No Money And No Contact

[Alimaria]

Just stressed the eff out.

Three weeks ago the mega-fight happened with my mother. I am still boiling with anger and rage. I don't expect that to change anytime soon.

I'm tired of fighting the ex-husband. I'm tired of him trying to get out of child support. I'm tired of the legal games.

I hope he and the homewrecker choke on their wedding cake.

 

[Ronin]

Okay - just venting, @Alimaria?

Or is there anything specific you'd like to talk about, in attempt to manage better?

We're all ears. Sorry things are so stressful and hectic and not working to your needs, right now.

 

[Alimaria]

Venting mostly.

I don't know that I am yet able to trust anyone with too many details. My life is a roller coaster of emotional trauma.

It's so hard to look at something with optimism and hope when your past is riddled with failures and hurt.

 

[Ronin]

I get that a lot.

It's good you're venting. Appreciated, too.

 

[Alimaria]

I get that a lot.

It's good you're venting. Appreciated, too.

I don't know. Scared to really let anything out at all.

 

[Ronin]

Well, you're starting quite bravely.

Terrified, yet letting an online forum peeps know how you're doing. That's not nothing. :) More can come with time, may not, but you're heard & listened to.

 

[Alimaria]

Well, thank you.

I'm trying to give it a chance. It's getting easier.

I am going no contact with my entire family of origin. I know within my soul it's the right thing to do, but why do I feel like I'm mourning? I find myself thinking that I'm doing the wrong thing. I'm hurting THEM. I've embarrassed THEM.

It's worth mentioning that for the last three weeks, I haven't had a single episode of depression or hopelessness. I mean, I have no idea where I will get the money for x,y,z, but it doesn't seem to matter somehow?

I don't know just rambling.

 

[Ronin]

There isn't a 'wrong' thing to do when trying to live your own life, I don't think.

You're not responsible for them, or their emotional or other well being.
You're responsible for yours, not the other way around.

That mourning makes sense. Heck, I get into episodes of mourning decades later, even where unprovoked by still living relatives.
I think it's just something that comes and goes, that grieving - grieving relations, possibilities, child ourselves, normalcy, what have you.
It's rather common. Not less difficult and personal and darned hurtful, but common.

 

[Alimaria]

I'm grieving the heck out of my grandparents. God that hurts so bad.

But they just won't see what's in front of them. I can't waste anymore energy trying.

 

[St.Maybe]

Hi Alimaria,

Gosh, my heart goes out to you.

If you don't have money to move, and you're eliminating contact with your family of origin, do you have a place to go?
I would strongly suggest not skipping town without a plan... or taking maybe the next two-three weeks to plan, if you really need to get away.
Save up some money, or perhaps borrow some. Sell a thing, I don't know, but don't put yourself in a situation where you're unable to provide yourself with food and shelter because it seems to me like the last thing you need is to create additional struggle or strife for yourself.

Maybe there's a women's shelter that would be able to take you in, maybe even set you up for a job? With a little research maybe you could find a safe place to land while you're dealing with all of this.

I'm thinking of you, and wishing you well.

Reno

 

[Alimaria]

I should have clarified.

I have a place to go. We move in on Wednesday. It's small, but perfect. The moving is the final nail in the no-contact coffin.

It is a little unnerving how easy it feels to eliminate them from my life.

 

[Ronin]

Well, adulthood and being able to decide for yourself, and interest in self protection and granting the same protection to your child(ren), can be viewed through different lens than 'elimination' of those people.

Instead focusing on qualities you have and care, much needed, you're giving yourself and your child(ren)?
It's good if you're able to move them out of your lives short & smoothly.