Relationship Confused and Heartbroken: Needing Guidance on Moving Forward

[Sandi1971]

You’d be surprised what I can imagine. I’ve known my sufferer for 30 years and we’ve been together more than a decade. He’s the air in my lungs… and I’ve had to come to terms with the *fact* that at any given time he may become to ill to be in a relationship anymore.



What about in a way that works for you? Being a martyr is all well and good - for a little while. Long term you have to be happy and fulfilled too, or it’s going to make you miserable, lonely, and resentful.



If she ended the relationship you are not walking away. You’re respecting her wishes. It doesn’t matter that she is symptomatic, she made her wishes known. You have to ask yourself if you really are OK with being just a friend or if you’re just waiting for her to “come to her senses.” The choice between those two mindsets will determine your own happiness. One way you can grieve, heal, and move on. The other you will pine away and keep the wounds open. I have seen supporters on here hang on for years.

Loving somebody with PTSD is easy. Being in a relationship with somebody with PTSD is an absolute bitch at times. It is not like the fairytales where you can love them better, ride or die, and live happily ever after. The love has to include an acceptance of reality. Our partners are mentally ill. We have to be realistic. Being a martyr to the relationship will make you both miserable in the end. Your happiness matters too. You cannot sacrifice your own happiness and mental well being to love her. That’s not love, it’s codependency.

Wise words. My partner of 25 years who has CPTSD abruptly ended our relationship, discarded and totally ghosted me. It's been absoltely devastating

Moving on from a bad situation isn’t hard hearted. Sometimes that is the healthiest and strongest thing to do.

My partner abruptly ended our relationship, told me he no longer loved me (about 20 minutes after making love) completely discarded me and has ghosted me for 7 weeks now. It's been absolutely devastating . He's a runner, that's his deactivation. Total shut down and run. I didn't know what else to do but file for separation. It's like I died. I no longer exist to him. We had a beautiful life with children and a future and PTSD stole my husband . It's an evil evil , insidious disease. My heart if forever broken and yet frozen in time.

 

[Sweetpea76]

My partner of 25 years who has CPTSD abruptly ended our relationship, discarded and totally ghosted me. It's been absoltely devastating

This. This is what the “ride or die” people don’t understand. Or all the sufferers who post about hanging on.

This shit is devastating to a supporter. Not only is it devastating mentally and emotionally, but it can literally cost you your home, family or financial well-being too.

THIS is why we have to be realistic and at peace with moving on at any given time. A lot of times there is no rhyme or reason to this bullshittery except the PTSD reactions in our partners.

It’s hard to be vulnerable to another person in general. It’s 20 times harder to be vulnerable to a person with a mental health issue.