What Exactly Is A Crisis?

[Changing4Best]

I was in crisis last week due to someone who has been an unsafe person for me in the past, showing up at my safe haven and making remarks to me that would seem to anyone else to be just conversation, but to me felt threatening. About a year ago, this man walked up to me in the grocery and pushed his body up against mine, really close, and pressed his pelvis into mine! My subconscious buried it immediately, while I was ducking away from him, grabbing my grocery cart and scooting away!

This man used to live in our building and was kicked out for loud drunken parties. He's an alcoholic, and he is also the kind of a one that forgets what he has done, so you cannot hold him to the fire later one, as he will deny what he did.

As I sunk deeper and deeper into suicidal ideation that night, I finally was moved to call our Mobile Crisis Unit at 8AM the following morning. THey wanted me to call my therapist at 9AM. She did not return my call all day and by that evening I was in deep crisis. I called the Mobile crisis Unit again and that time they came to my house and counscelled me. We signed a contract that I would not harm myself, that I would make an emergency appointment with my therapist the following morning and that I would call them in the meantime if I were having SI or any other unmanageable thoughts.

In the past, I would simply have called 911 and gone to the Hospital, but I have so many hospital bills already, that I shied away from that option. I knew that Mobile Crisis would come sooner or later, and I held out for them. If it had gotten any worse though, like if I had a solid plan for suicide, I would have called 911 and gone. It was close, but I was able to keep myself from harming myself by the "skin of my teeth."

I cannot tell you what the difference was, as to why I did not call 911, but I think it was that deep in my heart I did NOT want to kill myself. I had the ideations, but I also had the strong desire to live. None the less, if the desire to kill myself was any stronger, if the desire to stop myself from doing so was any less, I would have called 911. It was really close. I just had too many reasons to LIVE. Too many loved ones. Too many happy things going on in my life, to let this JERK ruin them.

There are a lot of folks at my safe haven of the Senior Center who love me. I have told most of them about him, what he did to me, so they are keeping an eye on him for me. The Director also knows and is doing the same. All will be fine. He cannot hurt me. I know this. None the less, one of the things in my agreement with the Mobile Crisis unit was that I would never allow myself to be alone at the Senior Center. I am careful to keep this one in place, even if he is not there, as he sometimes shows up late.

To me, crisis is despair. It is feeling hopeless about life and feeling there are no solutions to whatever disaster has befallen you. If you find yourself in that frame of mind, it is time to call for help of some kind.

 

[joeylittle]

I want to commend you for really taking in all the input as thoughtfully as you are, @sun seeker. It's really inspiring.

Breathing wouldn't do it for me, but slow repetitive movement sometimes does. But there is nothing quite like having a safe person there to provide that grounding. Physical presence is best;

Others have commented on this - I fall into the 'only my therapist' for crisis support group.

But, I do know that when I am diligent about scheduling and following through with regular encounters with real-live people...not for help, just for community - I have fewer crises. So you might think about how you structure your time, and how you can use the support of others to strengthen you overall. You might also find that being able to talk about the smaller, daily concerns ends up keeping you from accumulating stress that leads to flooding.

Also: breathing - don't knock it til you try it (again). I didn't think it would work for me at all. But like I said, I wasn't doing it long enough. I also wasn't making it challenging enough. I'm happy to expound on that here or in a PM.

But regular movements kind of makes me think of Tai Chi or of Sun Salutations. I've been known to do sun salutations as my first (somatic) coping mechanism, in conjunction with the breath. What I like about the repetitive motion notion is that breath will probably be conjoined to it. What kinds of things do you tend to do?

What do I do when there is no one available to help? (The most pressing, and scary.)

That's exactly what the simple automatic training is for (as I know you already have taken on-board, I'm just reinforcing it).

You can try getting your therapist to audio record a grounding script. It's not only the words they say - the sound of their voice giving the prompts can have a subliminal calming effect. I had that for awhile.

My therapist has, at times, not gotten the message, when I've called. I live about 10 minutes away from the nearest hospital. I've driven myself there and sat in my car in the parking garage so I could be as close as possible to emergency help and as far as possible from any suicide plan. I've sat there all night before. Something I know about myself is that nights are the worst, and if I can make it to dawn, it will ease up.

Now, my hospital has a well-lighted parking garage and it's set up in such a way that it's quite safe. I have such an aversion to going in, but once I'm there it's hard to imagine leaving. So it keeps me pretty safe.

You could think about that. Or, any well-lighted places you could get to, within easy reach of people.

(I'm also an excellent driver always, so it's a safe thing for me to do, and I don't have to get on the freeway, so no temptation to drive into a wall or anything)

So I'm planning ahead. That in itself is progress, I've never been able to do that before.

Give yourself a solid high-five for this. Recognize that what you are doing right now is very smart and productive self-care. Seriously - good job.

One other random thing, not for everyone....cold water on the face is known to trigger what's called the 'mammalian diving reflex'. The entire reflex is a three part thing, but only part one is relevant here. Upon submerging your face on cold water, your heart rate drops by 10-15%. It happens almost instantaneously, and if you think of the experience of having your shower water suddenly turn ice-cold...that's what it feels like.

In humans, it's not triggered through the limbs or trunk, only the face. Fill a bowl, stick your face in, and you short-circuit whatever your body has been doing the moment before. A soaking wet ice-cold towel is supposedly equally effective, though I've not found it to be so. I use this when I'm becoming hysterical/cannot get my breathing to kick in/feel like I'm losing control of my rational mind and am on the verge of some kind of major major problem and need immediate intervention. This hasn't happened for a good while (knock wood) but when I was self-harming, and before I was better with the breathing, I kept a big bowl of water in the fridge. If that was for some reason too complicated to manage (hey, we've all been there) I could still walk myself into the bathroom and turn on the shower and get in under cold water, clothes and all.

Makes a mess, but works.

I think if you have a history of heart problems, this is not a totally safe thing to do - though to be honest, I'm not sure. It's used in hospitals on infants who are having arrythmia, actually (the cold towel to the face) because it re-regulates the heart rhythms.

I live alone, don't have people, and know I'm dealing with a couple of serious mental illnesses. So, I've learned to really break it down and experiment. It's helped, though, a ton. Sometimes I feel silly after - but I'd rather have an after to feel silly about, you know? And I really really don't want to cut myself anymore. Not an acceptable coping device, too much risk.

 

[scout86]

Just wanted to say this has been really interesting reading! And now I'm thinking even more about "definitions of terms".

My initial thought was "the house is on fire" is a crisis. "The rent was due yesterday and I have no money" might be a crisis. A crisis is a problem that MUST be solved NOW, if it's going to be worth solving. (Which means solve it before catastrophe actually arrives, while there's still something left to save.) I

dt hadn't actually occurred to me that "I" might be "in crisis". Or that "asking for help" was an actual option either.... But I can easily see other people "in crisis" and would suggest that they "ask for help/seek help".

Thanks for initiating this @sun seeker ! More food for thought! (I'm struck by the idea that everyone else seemed to know, right off, what you were talking about, and I totally missed the point. :confused:)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

If your definition of self harm doesn't include hurting yourself, then we aren't just on two different pages, we're in completely different books. (I say this based on what you quoted and then what you responded with.)

No, I include crisis as self harm but damn, if im hospitalized each time I cut/punish AND each time Im on the edge suicidal then i might as well live there.

My point is, while in crisis, its not necessary to always to be hospitalized and thats the way you defined so thats what i was replying to.

ETA: If thats how you define crisis for you then thats different and totally ok as you should go to the hospital if you feel you need to. I was just advising that its not necessary for all.

There must be an incredibly strong counter-force in you that wants to keep you alive.

The me inside? I dont know as most of the time a part of me fight with the other part with me.

You can try getting your therapist to audio record a grounding script. It's not only the words they say - the sound of their voice giving the prompts can have a subliminal calming effect.

That's brillant! My therapist has the calmest voice ever!

cold water on the face is known to trigger what's called the 'mammalian diving reflex'.

Ive done that. Not on purpose though. I, sometimes, dunk my head into water as 'punishment' and decided to make it ice cold rather then very hot as a way to cause pain. I go in with that intention and come out mostly ok. What? I have done it only a few times since. But it does work.

 

[sun seeker]

"I am in crisis! I want to hurt myself!"

Yes, only I don't do that because so many people construe saying that as manipulative. I'm absolutely not saying that it is - there are people who use it that way, but they are not the majority. But that is a huge thing getting in my way.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@sun seeker you asked if I could ask for help when I was in crisis. No I push all people away and I go through with my planning suicide. I have attempted it 9 times. Apparently, I'm not that good at completing it, although three of the times Drs said I should have died. Hopefully there will be no more attempts!!!!,

 

[sun seeker]

I'll get back to this with the thought it deserves. Just having a really busy few days.

 

[Friday]

Coming in late...

A crisis is a problem that MUST be solved NOW, if it's going to be worth solving.

This.

A crisis is a problem that must be solved now.
I'm in crisis when I don't know how to.

Which makes what your friend asked, @sun seeker, one of those impossible things for me. What helps? No idea. Because part of the not knowing how, is not knowing what questions to ask. Catch22, if I habe questions to ask? I'm not in crisis. I'm actively attempting to solve something.

 

[scout86]

I've been thinking about what @FridayJones said. What helps me, in those moments, is if someone else notices. Then, usually they should tell me to "stop" because whatever I'm doing is probably counterproductive. Then help me figure out if it really is a crisis or just a problem. Then help look for solutions.

I can get caught in a loop and someone can actually help me see that and find a way out. Has to be done calmly and with friendship. Not judgement.

 

[Ronin]

Wot Scoutie said.

Another thing helping me is composite immediate crises of a different kind. As in I may be stuck about the whole thing, but if there's more acute thing to do that's related, and something within my power to do, it's good. I can postpone the powerlessness and refocus, while it's still there.

(Another of those 'harder to talk than imagined' topics.)

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I haven't read all of this thread and will come back and do so at some point. I've been trying to understand crisis for myself for years. What I've come to the conclusion of is that, for me, it's when I've lost control of the executive functioning part of my brain, the apparently normal part, if you will. As long as I can keep part of that part online, I'm okay - maybe not good, but okay. When it completely disappears I'm liable to do something really dumb that seems like a really good idea in the moment (like sticking my head in the oven while it's on).

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I think my definition of crisis has already been said in various ways several times. I'm in crisis when either there's been a snowball effect of triggers and responses, or I'm faced with one of my biggest fears. I spiral downwards and can't seem to even catch my breath. Yes, I know I'm in a bad way, and what helps? Validation. Empathy. That my feelings are real and ok. Usually it's my T who has the biggest impact. He seems able to size up the situation, make himself available and helps me to see that my threshold is beyond the limit. Offers support and makes sure I hear him.

I seem to need someone important to agree with me that I'm over my head and in a sense, give me permission to go on "therapy bedrest" as I call it. Permission to go into recovery mode whatever that means for me.

This is where I've been for the last couple of months. I hit a place where the situation spiralled up to a 15 on 10. It's taken until now to finally feel like there's some sense of safety in my world.

Crisis is a big topic!