What Exactly Is A Crisis?

[Tinyflame]

I don't have that kind of real life support @sun seeker . It sounds harsh, but it really comes to the point you have to choose to live or die. That being said, any reasons to stay, any coping skills you can get, any strategy to try to learn self-soothing, & any way to safely sleep, can all help. You've got to stack those odds more in your favor. You have someone to drive you if necessary, that's a start too. Practical plans help when you can't think. :hug:

 

[sun seeker]

I'm still stumped, trying to think what would bring me back a little bit when I am completely flooded. To get myself, say, from a 6 back to a 4 on a scale of 1-10 of activation, I have some skills. To get from a 10 back to a 6? Nary a one.

 

[sun seeker]

I don't have that kind of real life support

I'm sorry you don't. I am immensely grateful for the support I do have. Still need to plan what to do when it isn't available, though.

it really comes to the point you have to choose to live or die

Living or dying isn't really what my crises are about, though. To some degree, yes, but that doesn't feel like the biggest issue. The most dangerous, perhaps, but I am pretty clear on my commitment to staying here. What I am looking for are ways of making that stay less excruciatingly painful.

Practical plans help when you can't think.

Yes. That's what this thread is working on.

Does it feel as if I am complaining about not having more support? That isn't my intent. I'm trying to be realistic about where the problem areas are so I feel safer and more prepared.

 

[sun seeker]

This is a long and wordy explanation, but I'm not sure how else to better say it. You can skip over it if you want.

I read it. :-)

Thank you so much for taking the time to explain all that. I'm going to have to go over it a few more times before it sinks in. May perhaps come back with some questions if you don't mind.

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe it's not a "crisis" if you aren't in danger of hurting yourself or others?

Crisis to me has always been explained as hospital time. Everything/anything less is just "really bad shit".

If "crisis" to you isn't the above, then a new term needs to be used for that scenario, like "crisis on steroids" as to be able to differentiate life/death stuff from that which feels really really bad but isn't at risk of causing bodily harm to anyone.

 

[Tinyflame]

Does it feel as if I am complaining about not having more support? That isn't my intent. I'm trying to be realistic about where the problem areas are so I feel safer and more prepared.

No @sun seeker , no worries. :hug:

 

[Justmehere]

I agree with @Junebug completely.

 

[sun seeker]

Maybe it's not a "crisis" if you aren't in danger of hurting yourself or others?

There is a difference between self-harm and being actively suicidal. And my self-harm does not usually get to the level of real danger, but it is an indicator of my inability to cope.

I really didn't want to spell that out, but I think I am giving some wrong impressions by not doing so.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

my skills to make it stop can be pretty maladaptive. I need to find some better ones.

Oh, Im sure. I think most of our learned coping skills are maladaptive, they've kept us here but isnt the healthiest thing.

Im glad that you are asking and talking about this both for you and myself as im learning a lot too. Thank you for posting this!

I don't have that kind of real life support

I dont either. I have the sum total of zero real life support. Well one if you count my therapist.

I wouldnt go as far as saying its easier for people with real life support as i dont believe that for a sec but certianly its different for those whom have real life support and someone they can call or text then for those of us that dont. I will never forget what i said when i posted my first thread after my intro and someine replied...then another. I said to myself "omg someone does 'get it"!

Crisis to me has always been explained as hospital time. Everything/anything less is just "really bad shit".

Crisis is different for everyone, for me if i defined crisis (on the edge trying to make a plan to kill myself so its crisis) then in be in the hopistal like every week. Plus i can get myself out of crisis but like @sun seeker said, my also are maladaptive coping skills.

There is a difference between self harm and being actively suicidal. And my self harm does not usually get to the level of real danger, but it is an indicator of my inability to cope.

Agrred!

@sun seeker, I dont know about you but @Justmehere's journaling thing is an amazing way to almost see when we are vulerable to a crisis and learn better coping stragities one at a time, eh?

 

[sun seeker]

im learning a lot too.

Good!

I have the sum total of zero real life support. Well one if you count my therapist.

That is about the same as my situation, in a way (I'd definitely count my therapist though, he is awesome). And I do have lots of good people in my life, but no one else who can provide emotional support when I am at my worst. I'm too darned complicated.

for me if i defined crisis (on the edge trying to make a plan to kill myself to its crisis) then in be in the hopistal like every week

There must be an incredibly strong counter-force in you that wants to keep you alive. Thank goodness for that.

@Justmehere's journaling thing is an amazing way to almost see when we are vulerable to a crisis and learn better coping stragities one at a time, eh?

I need to read it again before it sinks in, but yes, I think so. I'm not sure when I am not vulnerable to crisis, though. Hmm... well, when I do have more real-life support, I feel more stable. That's true. I've been a lot shakier since my support system got smaller. On the other hand, work is going pretty well, so that's a check on the other side for some balance.

I guess I do see a time period coming up that raises some red flags for me, knowing what makes me most vulnerable. So I'm planning ahead. That in itself is progress, I've never been able to do that before.

 

[sun seeker]

no worries

Good! I wasn't sure if what I said or the way you were reading it was triggering something in you. And if so, I'm fine hearing about it. Just wanted to clarify the difference between what I think I am saying and what I thought you were interpreting.

I notice something worth bringing up, if only as a tangent, because of how I read what you said (which, again, may have nothing to do with what you meant).

I have a really strong approach/avoidance conflict going on in terms of asking for support. I know what helps, I am getting somewhat better at asking, yet when it is offered I often pull away. Trust is a HUGE issue for me. How hard trust is exasperates me to no end. I know this is an issue, my therapist knows it's an issue, and we keep plugging away at it. It's not a "lack of good people in my life" problem I have. It's a problem knowing how to receive. Given my history, it's actually surprising that I'm not even worse at it. I used to feel terrible about myself because of this, and think I was being ungrateful or something. But it's not that. It's the product of tons of conditioning. I have compassion for myself now, and know it's not my fault. I also have compassion for the people who try to offer support and can't figure out how to get through. I wish I knew how to make it easier.

Fixing that is a long-term project, and one that, once completed, will make my question about crises obsolete (for me). So, this is an interim question, a plan for stop-gap measures, if you will.

 

[EveHarrington]

If your definition of self harm doesn't include hurting yourself, then we aren't just on two different pages, we're in completely different books. (I say this based on what you quoted and then what you responded with.)

I wasn't meaning to imply that crisis is only life/death------crisis includes ANY harm to yourself or others.

I think perhaps you should try to work on verbalizing when in crisis. It's the fastest most sure fire way to get your point across.

"I am in crisis! I want to hurt myself!"