What Exactly Is A Crisis?

[sun seeker]

I do know that when I am diligent about scheduling and following through with regular encounters with real-live people...not for help, just for community - I have fewer crises.

I have a question about this. I find that when I am around people more, I do better - but I'm not sure about the causality in the correlation. I have to already be doing better to be able to be around people in the first place. Then being around people helps me not to spiral down as easily. But if already in crisis, being around people I have to put on an act for (which is most people) is next to impossible. Right now the extent of "community" for me is through work. Other things I used to like to do still feel like too much. I think it's because at work I know what my role is, whereas in social situations more spontaneous interaction is required.

Reading that I notice I didn't ask a question. I guess it's just whether this also happens with you.

You might also find that being able to talk about the smaller, daily concerns ends up keeping you from accumulating stress that leads to flooding

Unfortunately, it seems I am not yet stable enough to do this. Sigh. I can still be badly triggered by innocent comments people make in the course of normal conversation. There is a wide divide between people I can talk to and people I can't. Again probably why work is the extent of my social life - there is no expectation of any vulnerability.

You can try getting your therapist to audio record a grounding script.

I actually asked him to do something like this, and he liked the idea. Thank you, I probably would not have thought of this but I think it will be a big help.

Something I know about myself is that nights are the worst, and if I can make it to dawn, it will ease up.

Good thing to know. Probably similar for many of us.

You could think about that. Or, any well-lighted places you could get to, within easy reach of people.

The trouble is I live in a small (very small) town, and there is no place to go at night. I like the idea otherwise!

Fill a bowl, stick your face in, and you short-circuit whatever your body has been doing the moment before.

I have found that putting my head under a running cold tap also helps.

A few days ago, I was triggered by something in another thread. It gave me a chance to see how accurate it is that I go from 0-60 in no time. And it's hard to be sure because there is no way of having a control group when trying something on myself, but I was able to bring myself back pretty well from crouching in a corner sobbing (maybe a 30 on the scale of 0-60?) through breathing deeply, to distracting myself with a DVD, and made the plan of trying that for a certain length of time before resorting to benzoids. I don't remember ever dealing with my emotional state with a plan before.

Thank you for all the ideas and for sharing your experience. I really appreciate it.

 

[sun seeker]

Apparently, I'm not that good at completing it

That is one thing it's good not to be good at. Glad you are with us. May you find some relief for your pain.

 

[sun seeker]

A crisis is a problem that must be solved now.
I'm in crisis when I don't know how to.

So I would say, knowing that, that what helps might be when others find a solution for you without demanding the executive functioning that you don't have access to at the time. That may or may not work in a given circumstance.

This is where we probably have different answers to this question because of the different nature of our traumas. For me, honestly, when I am truly in crisis what I wish I had is a safe person who would just know what to do without me having to tell them. Kind of like the good parent I never had, who would make things feel safe again. That probably isn't what you want at all. But I actually agree with your definition. The problem that has to be solved immediately might be of a different nature, but I still have no idea how to solve it.

 

[Tinyflame]

find a solution for you without demanding the executive functioning that you don't have access to at the time. That may or may not work in a given circumstance.

Yes, 'how' or 'what'? Idk.

Visual reminders etc help a little, photos, something 'concrete'.

 

[scout86]

what helps might be when others find a solution for you without demanding the executive functioning that you don't have access to at the time.

Or, maybe, learning how to get access to that executive functioning when you need it? I'm thinking that really a skill that can be learned, like most things. In fact, is this, maybe, a skill that's learning during a "normal" childhood?

 

[sun seeker]

Or, maybe, learning how to get access to that executive functioning when you need it?

That comes as we shed layers of trauma by processing with a good therapist. I don't think it's really a skill to be learned so much as something naturally there that the changes in brain function inherent in PTSD don't let us access.

 

[joeylittle]

...But if already in crisis, being around people I have to put on an act for (which is most people) is next to impossible. Right now the extent of "community" for me is through work. Other things I used to like to do still feel like too much. I think it's because at work I know what my role is, whereas in social situations more spontaneous interaction is required.

Yes, yes yes. I can't manage to do the things I'd call preventative measures (i.e. keeping in regular contact with non-work people), when I've already slid down the slope. So it's more a thing to remember for when you are feeling a little better.

I don't remember ever dealing with my emotional state with a plan before.

Awesome. So glad you are trying and applying things!

 

[Friday]

when I am truly in crisis what I wish I had is a safe person who would just know what to do without me having to tell them. Kind of like the good parent I never had, who would make things feel safe again. That probably isn't what you want at all.

<rueful> You might be very surprised, then.

Parent is the wrong word, in my case. But the rest is very much in line.

There have been a few times in my life where I was simply blessed to have someone take care of me when I could no longer take care of myself... But when I'm in crisis? All I want in the entire world is for someone with either their head or their heart -or maybe even both- screwed on straight, to tell me what to do. Until I can think, again. Until I can feel.

The catch22 on all of this is I actually have to be able to trust myself to get myself out of whatever scrape or situation PersonX gets me into. Which means that I have to either just be entering or just be coming out of crisis in order to lean on anyone. I don't actually have to be able to trust them. Which is a much harder leap. I just need to be able to trust myself.

3 impossible things before breakfast? Go to someone else for help, let them boss me, and trust myself. Check. ;)

Getting out of my own way has always been the hardest.

 

[sun seeker]

The catch22 on all of this is I actually have to be able to trust myself to get myself out of whatever scrape or situation PersonX gets me into.

It sounds like you are thinking ahead, while in crisis, more than I am able to. It doesn't occur to me to think ahead to what will happen after person X takes over. The relief in the fact that there is a safe person to take over at all, takes up all my available brain cells. I had to stop and think a minute about this to remember that yes, I have gotten into some pretty bad situations by following people who have taken over, BUT. I have given over control to people I should never have trusted at that level, many times in my life, just because it was such a relief to have someone there who seemed to know what they were doing. More recently, I am getting much better at knowing who is just a take-over kind of person but doesn't necessarily understand my needs and is better is steered away from when I am at my most vulnerable, and who I can actually trust (a loaded word, I know... perhaps trust means that if you let someone take over when at your most vulnerable, they will make things better, not worse?)