Would You Change Your Name?

[Pakadlangitok]

My story was on the news so people who know me, all they have to do is poke in my name and there it all is.
This makes me very sad.
I can always tell when people find it because they act differently toward me. One of my friends just kept tearing up around me and finally confessed she had googled me!
Then things got complicated. She wanted to help. I wanted her to help. It got all weird. And now we hardly speak.
I always am afraid to give my name but often I just do it because it is me. I don't want to lie.
So I am thinking of changing my name.
Have any of you been in the news and then had to live with that?
Did you change your name?
DId it help?

 

[Silver.]

I dropped my last name 20 years ago and made my middle name my last name. (legally)
It helped immensely, I wasn't associated with what had happened by name, and I really relaxed into having the "new" name. (I also moved out of the area, which played a key part in moving on. I think if I hadn't have moved, changing my name would have just been for me, because people still knew me).
You are always going to be you, no matter what your name is. We can change our names, and change our living arrangements, but we will always have to deal with people knowing. The key is coping with that knowledge. I can't tell you I have fully coped with my situation, going back to that town for visits or whatever. But I am happier not living there, I manage my short visits as best as possible.
So sorry you are having to go through this, the choice is yours alone. So while hearing others opinions, make sure it is something you really want to do.
Take Care x

 

[SoSadGuilty]

My story was on the news so people who know me, all they have to do is poke in my name and there i...

I can completely understand why you would want to change your name. I don't think you should have to and I don't think it is fair but I can completely understand why you'd want to. I just worry slightly that it might not help you and might just add to your burden to have to change your name. Do you think you'll be ok with a different name and will it help you find some peace?

 

[SoSadGuilty]

I dropped my last name 20 years ago and made my middle name my last name. (legally)
It helped immense...

Ok @Silver-lr just gave you a much better answer. Ignore my response :)

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Look up a post by Monica Lewinski in the Guardian. Yeah, tough decision.

 

[Ronin]

I did change my name, multiple times. Different circumstances.

But honestly, if only escaping / gaining anonymity is your reason, be prepared it's not going to be enough.

There's always someone that can dig. Find how to change your stress reactions to that form of exposure, and your relationship to your history. It's about the names only so much.

 

[anonymous]

I thought about changing my name, and for a short while, I used a different last name. Because I still lived in the same area, it made almost no difference. Most people figured it out quickly that I used to have my previous last name, and I got a lot of crap for changing my last name. I changed it back. I still think about changing it again, and telling the world to stuff it. I ended up just telling the world to stuff it anyhow.

Still, my therapist and I keep debating about changing it, and moving at the same time...

It feels like yet another loss.

 

[qwyoey]

I can say I changed my name and it made an immense difference. For me it also signified a shedding of the past and felt very freeing. It wasn't a difficult thing to do and I found the courts and social security office very supportive and helpful. Those friends that I told about the name change were also very readily able to accept calling me something else, and now when I hear the old name it doesn't even seem like me anymore. It's been a year, but I dream in my new name.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

That sucks, Im sorry. I would LOVE to change my name. It is the most steriotypical stripper/prostitute name (I suppose whom it is hearing it as some take it is innocent) but good god I hate it and have heard all the damb dumbass jokes throughout my life.

But, my dad named me after a songwriter and it would break his heart so no, I wouldnt change it but only for that reason. Oh and because along with a VERY good phone voice, it makes my job easier lol. Ive gotten too many marriage proposls and "take me out to dinner"s to count and a few horriblly triggering 'phone sex' like calls when im here to f*cking fix your internet damn it!

 

[EveHarrington]

That worldwide name website says there are only a few hundred people worldwide with my last name.

In light of this, if changing my last name provided some measure of privacy, id do it in a heartbeat.

:hug:

 

[PTSDfree]

People love to show their true opinion of others after learning about their trauma/PTSD.... :( Is it possible to contact the news websites and have your story taken down or made anonymous?

Changing your name isn't too expensive. If it makes you feel better, then do it. Heck, you can even do it unofficially. :hug: I've decided to keep my name just for sake of convenience, but I use the full spelling and skip my middle name (it means circumcision in Hebrew :banghead::banghead::banghead:) on official forms. I've only had to fill in my actual name, like... Twice?

 

[Deleted member 487]

Yeah I thought about it. Still thinking about it.