Let's Talk Addiction

[VikVikViktorious]

Just as a brief history- my "uncle" molested me - it began when I was 18 and manifested at 30 (about 9 months ago) when a toddler innocently bouncing in my lap began arousing me.

Years 18-30 were filled with love, then divorce, then nonstop promiscuity like strip clubs and excessive drinking and pot smoking.

The thing is- through these years- I was able to find happiness. I was that lovable, helpless fellow that got really f*cked up all the time, had no filter while running his mouth, but was always in a cheerful mood and generally a delight to be around.

I was that guy that made sure there would never be a dull moment - and really didn't mind being the center of attention even if it was just me getting roasted for how chaotically I lived my life. It was all under control- and it was nonstop gambling and strip clubs and fun with friends.

Then get a "real job" at 30- right after that lil incident with the 2-year old - and my brain just flips the f*ck out. Guilt melted my every breath. My heart raced dibilating anxiety. Within 2-3 months, I was convinced I would have to either turn myself in to the police or commit suicide in order to relieve this guilt that really didn't even make complete sense.

Due to my little sisters insistence I sought therapy (despite my irrational fear of the mandate reporting law) and after just 2 sessions she said PTSD. I was avoiding friends, struggling at my new job, and hiding in my bedroom barely even saying hi to my own roommates.

Shit, I need to get to the point here. Thanks if you're still reading :).

So the thing that is hitting me the hardest is that weed just doesn't work anymore. It used to be my rock. It worked every f*cking time- and I had no qualms with it as it really wasn't like addictive - it was just basically like a reward for waking up in the morning. Lol

But now - I still smoke here and there (along with the Zoloft I'm on and klonopin and gabas) but it just doesn't do it for me like it used to. Now i get anxious while smoking. Now when I'm at the casino I'm doing it run away- not because I love it. I don't even go to the strip club anymore, and as a pretty damn good looking 31 year old with a good job- I'm terrified to date.

I guess I'm just curious if anyone has ever gone through something like this. I'm desperately trying to do the things that used to work - the things that I once loved so dearly and that defined me- but to no avail.

Is it possible that I can just quit smoking pot and gambling for a bit as I allow my brain to recover from its trauma, then go back to doing it like I used to? is that an irrational thing to strive for?

Just eager to hear some thoughts! Thanks

 

[anthony]

Is it possible that I can just quit smoking pot and gambling for a bit as I allow my brain to recover from its trauma, then go back to doing it like I used to? is that an irrational thing to strive for?

It is possible, sure. Irrational? That depends on whether or not you really give a shit what others think. Personally, if it makes you happy, then stick with it. If not, then get rid of it and find something healthier to replace it with that does make you happy.

Choices are always yours, nobody else's, to make. It's about what makes you happy.

America has this thing with drinking and alcoholism... for example. Many an American I have spoke with over the years who used alcohol to cope due to their PTSD, had this attitude that they had to do AA and avoid alcohol the rest of their life. Ok... if that makes you happy, but when asked that question, everyone wanted to be able to drink alcohol in moderation as they enjoyed using it to relax.

My simple response was... so do that then. Instead of removing alcohol and striving for this unhappy societal outcome of abstinence, why not be like most who drink alcohol, being they use it in moderation with the occasional binge, yet at no time does it consume their life with alcoholism.

Your choices... maybe find a happy medium that suits you. If withdrawal is your goal during trauma treatment, then do that... or maybe aim for moderation so you're still happy with your life, yet getting the crap out of your head at the same time. ??? If you want to smoke pot, do so. If not, do that.

 

[EmmaOwl]

America has this thing with drinking and alcoholism... for example. Many an American I have spoke with over the years who used alcohol to cope due to their PTSD, had this attitude that they had to do AA and avoid alcohol the rest of their life.

I very much agree with you here.
America still suffers from a sense of puritanism. Hundreds of years later, the bare bones remain. Look at the absolute disaster of Prohibition, brought in organized crime; people forget that. (Or sometimes don't even know it.)
Even now, one of the worst things about illegal drugs is the violence and poverty that so often surrounds them.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I disagree with @anthony about drinking. I don't believe that if you are an "alcoholic" that you can pick up drinking and do it in moderation. If the person isn't an alcoholic, then yes it's possible to drink in moderation. I gave up alcohol because I drank 7 days a week. Fall down drunk everyday for a year. Would I start drinking again? NO!!!!

Pot??? I smoked it from age 15 till my mid 30's. Loved it, till anxiety hit. Can't smoke it now due to paranoia/anxiety when smoking it.

I feel that when a person has PTSD, then they have to find out what works for them.... It isn't a one size fits all, each of us use different coping mechanisms.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I disagree with @anthony about drinking. I don't believe that if you are an "alcoholic" t...

Well, She Cat, it seems to me you are in perfect accord with Anthony on this one....

find a happy medium that suits you.

It isn't a one size fits all, each of us use different coping mechanisms.

Your case, no alcohol but pot. My case, no pot but alcohol is not a problem. I believe I've found what suits ME and it sounds like you've done so as well..
Respectfully,
Allie

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Allie D.

America has this thing with drinking and alcoholism....

I guess it's this statement that I take issue with. Alcoholism is a big deal here in the states. People do have issues with drinking, and it shouldn't be taken lightly.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I didn't think I was an addict beyond nicotine, which was a real bitch to quit, but I finally did it cold turkey 11 years ago. I thought since I had finally reached a space where I could easily drink, or not, and since I was able to walk away from the illegal and long-time prescribed things with no major withdrawals or issues that I must not be prone to addiction and should experience smooth sailing after the cigs were gone.

But then I was prompted to to change my food/beverage consumption via a medical emergency, as a result of decades of unintentional neglect regarding what I chose to consume and surround myself with, to a whole foods/plant-based vegan lifestyle and quickly realized we're all hard core food addicts, only it's masked as very clever marketing techniques or recommended guidelines taught inaccurately from the get go. By far, the hardest change I've ever made, and equally, the most life-changing. It's been two years and it remains a struggle, mostly based on trying to simply navigate the flood of toxicity in society, overall.

Hi, my name is Tornadic Thoughts and I'm addicted to all the things society has purposely designed to get us hooked. Nice to meet you. I wish you well.

 

[The Albatross]

"Is it possible that I can just quit smoking pot and gambling for a bit as I allow my brain to recover from its trauma, then go back to doing it like I used to?"

Perhaps but not likely. Very interested in how you think that "allowing your brain to recover" but going back to pot and gambling would work.

 

[Justmehere]

I think there is a big difference between using pot or alcohol to relax now and then, and using pot or alcohol as the source of happiness in life.

Two very different things.

Americans are terrible at moderation. Our culture is full of excesses. (Even fries get super sized and sodas are served in 32 oz buckets.) Part of why some alcoholics have to avoid drinking is because our culture is so all or nothing, everything or nothing, and for them, it's extra hard to stay in a place where they drink a moderate amount to chill, and not get black-out drunk from what the culture says is the way to be happy.

Some alcoholics can drink again, to relax. Most don't seem to be able to return to drinking in the US. Perhaps if they were in an environment where moderation was more common, it would be easier.

If an alcoholic is looking for happiness in life to be found at the bottom of the bottle, they generally can't return to drinking in moderation. That usually leads to another round of addiction where the substance controls the person rather than the person being in charge of the substance.

Right now, I'd suggest not worrying too much about if you can use pot again in the future or not. Regardless if you use pot or not, now or in the future, you are chasing one pleasure high after another and thy will all burn out and leave you worse off than before. Gambling, strips clubs, etc are all ways to try to escape pain, not get through it and get through to the other side.

I'd focus on addressing the pain you are in, the real anxiety you are dealing with, and finding ways to resolve the underlying trauma that you are trying to run from.

I think the happiness or pleasure you felt was partly the effect of the pot, but was more due to the anxiety being less for a time, and you were able to live the kind of life you wanted -- for a time. There are therapies and other treatments that can help the anxiety improve once again without any drugs or other escapes that will lose their effect again. They will actually provide greater relief over time, not less.

Perhaps when you know you can find relief through other means, it will be a lot easier to use pot in moderation.

But the more you run from pain to various escapes, the more it will keep coming back, worse than ever. With or without pot.

 

[Changing4Best]

(Even fries get super sized and sodas are served in 32 oz buckets.)

My "drug" of choice has been food since I started taking psych meds that cause weight gain. Previous to taking them, I had no problem with food or weight, other than that when I was a young child, I was underweight and an undereater. My underweight period and my years of being molested by a grandfather coincide, so I am pretty sure the one caused the other.

Anyway, back to these days, I just found out that my cholesterol is a little bit high, although mostly it is my good cholesterol that is higher than it should be. The bad one is only 2 points above acceptable. So I researched foods that help one to lower cholesterol and am eating those now every day.

I will be talking to my Dr.s about how to solve the problem of being about ten pounds overweight, before it gets to be a real huge problem (I guess that pun was intended). ;)

 

[Anarchy]

Op,
It looks like your previous lifestyle might have been your way of hiding from the shit that you are dealing with now.

When you are through with therapy, you probably won't feel a need to go back to those releases.

Regarding American culture, substances and puritainism, yeah. It's not so much a hangover from the Calvinist puritainism of new England, it's worse, it's from the post millennial pietism of the "revival" that began about 1830

Americans seem to be on a big pile more prescription drugs than anyone else as well.

it is my good cholesterol that is higher than it should be

Good cholesterol is a good thing, all it is, is your body cleaning up the mobilised fats. Just reduce your intake of cards and fats and little, and it will look after itself.