Relationship My Husband Told Me That I Am Unattractive.

[Guardian1014]

So I gave birth to our son a little over 7 weeks ago. It was a difficult delivery and they nearly lost us both. Before that I wasn't allowed to have relations with my husband due to low lying placenta (which cleared up). After we got the all clear my husband still refused due to my large belly. 2 weeks postpartum, and he started fighting with me about not pleasing him. Finally I gave in twice at 4 weeks PP and 5 weeks, because I felt well enough and had a rare spout of energy. Mind you, my husband never wanted children and rarely holds our son except for the occasional pee diaper and 5 min of holding before he hands him back, so I am the main caregiver. I had my tubes tied a little over a week ago. Last night he told me that he no longer finds me attractive and can't get aroused by my bare body. Yet he is fighting with me about not having sex with him. I've tried twice and he turned me down both times. He told me that maybe if I dress up it would work. He has been sleeping a lot and even took sleeping pills this morning so he would sleep all day...he told me he hates his life and is so miserable that he prefers his dreams. I'm at a breaking point, any advice?

 

[The Albatross]

Ack, "try not to be such a self absorbed and superficial ass and get off my back and right now I don't find you one iota attractive either" was the first thing I thought about suggesting you say to him... but THAT wouldn't be helpful. Hope some others here with experience (I wasn't able to have children) can share more productive ideas with you and give you better feedback.

I'm glad you and the baby is okay and you've been through a lot I hope you can get a MUCH more helpful response than mine. Just wanted to let you know that you were "heard" in your post. Snapping like a barracuda or crocodile wouldn't help things much either I expect.

 

[StarChild]

Since you wrote that your husband never wanted kids... Was this pregnancy planned by both of you or was it rather kind of an "accident" in the secret hope, that he then would love his child, when born? (That is just a question, not an allegation) But if it would go in that direction, could it be that he holds quite some resentments towards you? Or why does he feel so miserable? Does he feel betrayed in a way?

 

[Guardian1014]

He was planned. I think it's along the lines of " you can be told it will change your lifestyle and you can say I know, but you don't really know until it happens". He told me that I took his freedom away.

 

[sun seeker]

Sounds like he is depressed and taking it out on you. It also sounds like he has a hard time accepting responsibility. He needs therapy. Would he be willing?

 

[Guardian1014]

He goes to a therapist at the VA. But I am not allowed to join in. We can't go to a different one, money is a bit tight

 

[StarChild]

He was planned.

Sorry but I don't understand your answer. As this is in opposition to your first statement:

Mind you, my husband never wanted children

 

[sun seeker]

Do you think the therapy is helping?

 

[Guardian1014]

He wanted to make me happy, so he gave in. I think he doesn't tell the whole truth to the doctor.

 

[Mytime]

I had Postpartum postpartum with all three of my kids. I don't think the issue
Is with you. I think he's depressed and
Could be deflecting on you. For now, look after yourself and your baby. Come here for support. As hard as it may be, please don't take in his mean words. You are beautiful and will be a great mother. Cherish Your child, enjoys the precious time with him. As for your husband sexual needs, tell him to talk to the palm sisters. Depression or not you deserve respect:) welcome to the forum:$

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

I think you should get into therapy. Your husband needs to be on the same page as you in terms of raising your child. A child isn't something that someone gives in to in order to make someone happy------I'm concerned about your marriage as it seems like it was unhealthy from the get-go.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I don't think it's you. Personally if my husband called me unattractive right after giving birth, I'd call his ass an ambulance because he'd need one! Plus you're a ball of hormones right now.

If he is the PTSD sufferer, then you just had a huge life change and major stressor. He may be lashing out because he's not managing that stressor well. Doesn't excuse him being rude, but that may be why.