Totally Lost My Ability To Look After Myself

[NatBird]

I am so glad to read this thread. I go to a depression site and this site. Everyone else seems to...

@koalaburger thank you for being open and sharing what's going on for you.

It's not great to know that others are in this distress but helps to know I am not alone in the experience.

Let us know (if you want) how the spring clean thing goes.

I'm plotting the same thing within the next nine days.

 

[NatBird]

@Sandstone I've done so much nothing that my cat managed to eat my dinner!

Yea so went to the shop, got an avacado cut half, left it by the window, went to the bathroom and when I got back the empty shell was tipsy on the floor and the cat was licking her paws to clean her chops. Bloody cheek!

 

[NatBird]

when you stated you were open to talking about this, perhaps a conversation, did you mean "conversati...

@quadratus hey, apologies for the late reply. Yes you can have private conversations between two or more.

 

[NatBird]

Today has been been quite an emotionally grim day.

I've been feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of starting EMDR and coming back to a sh*thole. The space I live in is a stressor, to say the least.

I've been feeling the need to create a safe, warm, comfortable space for me, finally but also because I suspect the EMDR will destabilise me somewhat. I won't need living in a sh*thole to add to it.

I've been feeling angry, sad that I havent had the motivation to lift a finger...until this evening!
I'm not sure what happened but I've managed to clear my bedroom, hoover, clean the windowsills, smudge the room, all that's left is sorting through my notebooks.(missions!)
I don't know where the energy came from. I think it was anger. Anyway, it feels great to have done it. I will finish up tomorrow with the notebooks tomorrow. I already feel better about the prospect of decorating. This room at least. I will even sleep on my bed tonight. The first time in just under two years.

 

[corvidae]

um, cleaning...hmm. trying to keep the piles (whatever they may be composed of (pet hair, dust, books, things that have no place to go)) from growing is the daily grind. that's enough to shut me down, usually. two things are helpful: i live in a very small flat and don't own very many things (in comparison to those around me).

juggling too many things and still in survival mode (for good reason); but i'm slowly working on the way out.

self-care isn't much better, although i have managed to take all my meds this past week.

support to all as we work our way through.

 

[Gadgie]

I go through stages where I let my standards go down, I don't shave for days, or have my usual showers, and tend to let things go in general?

I know it's wrong, but I just can't be bothered, I don't do as much house work as I should, and basically just shut down?

It's frustrating for me, as I know it's wrong, but just seem to stop caring about everything .................is this normal?

 

[NatBird]

I go through stages where I let my standards go down, I don't shave for days, or have my usual showers,...

@Gadgie I have no idea what 'normal' is but I'm getting the impression that what you describe is quite common.

 

[Gadgie]

Ah! well, I don't feel so bad about it now, thanks for that NatBird

 

[quadratus]

Ah! well, I don't feel so bad about it now, thanks for that NatBird

my understanding is; being unkept and living in a mess is part of trauma. [ref. peter levine, "in an unspoken voice".] However, I try to not use it as an excuse for not trying to do better. I try to keep one thing orderly (within the mess). If i fail, try to forgive myself so i can try again.

 

[Pakadlangitok]

Hello
Just wondered if anyone else had gone through this process and what helped you to move through it...

Yes. I was ok till I had an accident in Jan. Since then? Hell. My parents have told me they cannot help me because now it is too much and they are old. I understand. I knew this would happen. So yes, I understand. I hope you find help here. I know it helps me to feel comfort .

 

[NatBird]

I am so glad to read this thread. I go to a depression site and this site. Everyone else seems to...

@koalaburger how are you? How did you get on with getting the cleaner in?

 

[NatBird]

Update:
I've cleaned a quarter of the flat and one room is ready for the decorator to come in next week.

It is taking all the energy I have, and that's not much, to get this done.

I don't have a lot of stuff. I clutter.
It feels monumental as the clearing and investing in my 'interior' is churning up a lot of feelings, resistence, doubting voices.

I am seeing how much of a fog I've been living in on every level. A lot of hiding from myself as well as the world:(

I hope this is another step out of the dissociation that I've been living in.