I'm new here, and this is an interesting topic for me. I've been trying to figure out how much of my own "spaciness" and "zoning out" (over my lifetime) is actually dissociation from CPTSD versus ADHD, Inattentive Type. In the past (30 years ago, as a teenager), I had terrible reliving-type flashbacks, dissociation with a lot of lost time, etc, but that degree of difficulty hasn't happened for at least 15 years. What I go through now I think of as "Dissociation Lite," as in, I lose time, but I'm not walking around talking to people and not remembering (as far as I know, lol!), or talking and responding to threats that are not physically there (reliving.) however, this has been a very hard year for me, and these days the degree of dissociation I experience mostly happens when I'm alone in my office at work (which could be for hours, or all day), or when I'm alone with nothing to do and not working hard enough to stay busy, grounded, or distract my mind. I know I'm just sitting there staring at the wall (uh, not a great thing to do at work!) The worst thing is that when I'm upset, "spinning" and drowning in memories, and having self-harm urges, I usually go into the bathroom (at home) for privacy and I'll wind up in there for hours with not much memory, and just sort of "come to" to find myself looking in the mirror and muttering to myself. My PTSD and associated MDD/GAD has been worse than it has been for at least 10-12 years, but still not as bad as childhood through early adulthood. <sigh> I just don't know how to feel about what I'm going through now. It's helpful to hear about other people who are experiencing something other than reliving-type flashbacks or more physically active dissociation. It's like, catatonic dissociation! I think that's a pretty good description, actually. Anyway, I'm happy to have found this forum!
