Childhood The Only Sibling Affected?

[moshpitmunkey]

guess im wondering why I am the only one out of my siblings who is or has been deeply affected by the abuse and shit that happened whereas they seem to have gone on with their lives. Why am I the only one who feels traumatized? Or who feels like I have not been able to live a fulfilled life because of it? Is there something wrong with me?

 

[Justmehere]

Perps typically target one child more than others, and this is not the fault of the child. There tends to also be one (or more) children who have a more visible outward struggle with the trauma than other children. Reading about roles of children in dysfunctional families might help: http://joy2meu.com/DysfunctionalFamilies.htm You *might* be the scapegoat in your family. I was in mine. Scapegoats usually seem like they are most traumatized by the abuse. It doesn't make anything uniquely wrong with you - it means you are the first to know there is a problem and get help, and keep the cycle of abuse from repeating. Your siblings might have fulfilled other "roles" like caretaker and ectera. It's not an absence of being affected by the trauma, but simply being affected in a different ways.

 

[moshpitmunkey]

Perps typically target one child more than others, and this is not the fault of the child. There ten...

You make some valid points and thank you for sharing the link. Ive been reading over it trying to get more of an understanding of all of this. I guess I never thought that they may have suffered in other ways because they *seem* so well adjusted and whenever I try to talk about what happened they act like it wasn't as severe as it was. But idk. Thank you for the fresh perspective on the situation

 

[Missycat]

@moshpitmunkey , thank you for raising this.
It absolutely resinates with me . I found out many years after the abuse ended that my sister had also suffered abuse. When i ask her how she copes she just says she never forgets about but it is just an awful memory. She was quite surprised that i have been diagnosed with ptsd and receiving therapy as i have always been seen as the strong one with the successful career etc.
I think that what also effected me was that i had always believed that i had protected her, ie if it was happening to me then it wasnt happening to her - thats what the abuser told me! This really screwed me up.
I wish you well on your healing journey. You are not alone.

 

[moshpitmunkey]

@moshpitmunkey , thank you for raising this.
It absolutely resinates with me . I fo...

Thank you for sharing your story, it helps to know that I am not the only one who has or is going through this. One of my sisters gives similar responses when I ask her about her experiences or how she copes. Even after being beaten until she had wheps all over her body and couldn't sit or lay down She tells me that the past is the past etc. So as im happy that she has gotten through it alright, it also left me feeling alone and isolated with my pain or that I was blowing things out of proportion. Thank you for your well wishes and I wish you the Same, I appreciate your input

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My brother was abused by my mom in early years that I barley remember or dont remember but he later told me about. No where near me later but still, enough. He today remembers none of it.

It is def possible to have been the scapegoat or targeted and likely was the case and got it worse or however you measure that but it might be possible that your sibling are today subpressing memories to deal with it.

My brother doesnt remember a very important convo he had with me on July 4th on the beach when he was an adult and i was 16. He selectively remembers or something.

So subpressing or repressing or however you call it, is totally possible too.

 

[Friday]

People break in different ways, under different amounts of pressure. Same event(s) happens to 10 people?

1. PTSD
2. PTSD with Borderline features
3. Abuser
4. Psychopath
5. Absolutely Nothing Wrong
6. OCD w/ Narcissistic features
7. Substance Abuse / Addiction
8. Generalized Anxiety Disorder
9. Delusional Disorder
10. Eating Disorder

Same events happen to 20 people? Can end up with 20 different sets of problems. Or none at all. 50 people? 50 problems. Or none at all. If you flip through the DSM? At least 1/3 of the disorders in there can be caused by trauma, if not more. PTSD requires trauma, but it's far from the only thing that trauma can cause.

So your siblings, if they experienced the exact same things as you? May have PTSD. They may have PTSD-primed, that's just waiting for a stressor to kick it into gear. They may have 1 of over a dozen trauma & stressor disorders. They may have 1 of over 50 other disorders or conditions that can be caused by trauma. Or they may have serious struggles and challenges that don't meet diagnostic criteria. Or they may have nothing wrong with them at all.

Why 1 person goes 1 way, and 1 person goes another way? We have no idea. Yet.

 

[moshpitmunkey]

People break in different ways, under different amounts of pressure. Same event(s) happens to 10 people?...

Wow. Thank you and @lostforgottensoul for breaking this down and putting it into perspective. It really gave me better insight into the situation. I think a part of me was looking to find comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone in my suffering, much like I do here, with my siblings. At least as far as the child abuse goes because they didn't suffer from the vehicle accidents that I did. Really helps me see things in a different light. I appreciate your input

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You are very welcome @moshpitmunkey!

 

[Iwantout]

@moshpitmunkey I was abused in the family home, mentally and physically by my mother before she left, and all ways by 'Him' later he re married and had 3 more girls.. One of them was abused out of the family home.. She went off the rails at a young age and has never recovered. Her problems and behaviour affect all the family in the most dramatic way possible, over 20 years after her awful experience. Because I was always seen as strong, capable, quiet and 'adjusted' she has never known of the traumas I went through and thinks I don't understand.. I do, I just don't talk about it.. To tell her would open up a can of worms I have struggled to keep closed..
No one in my family, except my grown sons, know that I have been diagnosed with PTSD.. My childhood behaviours, panic, fears, nightmares, shyness, being introvert etc had all been put down as attention seeking..
So, yes, as @Friday and others have said, we can all break under different pressures and in different ways..
I'm sorry you suffered too and can only hope that you have received help and support. You are not alone.. I hope what has been said on here makes things clearer for you and that you can find some happiness.. Take care..

 

[moshpitmunkey]

@moshpitmunkey I was abused in the family home, mentally and physically by my mother...

Hey there, thank you for opening up about your experiences. I was blinded by my own hurt and feeling alone that I never realized just how much my other siblings have suffered, If they have suffered at all. I'm so sorry about everything you've went through and are still going through and hope that you have been able to find support and help throughout your healing process as well. Thank you for insight about what its like to be the sibling who doesn't talk about the trauma and pain they've suffered, its opened my eyes to how my sister(s) might be feeling. I wish you peace and happiness as well, thank you @Tawny

 

[Lee2001]

Sorry you went through abuse:( So your other siblings may be affected more than you know or they let on. It's a possibility. In my family I am seen as the one who has it all together, but I really don't and suppose I just hide it well. My sister and I went through plenty of abuse. She has significant depression and is now better on medications. I have PTSD but didn't know it until recently... Debating sharing with my sister but do not know if she would keep it to herself. So I have had this since 6 probably and my sister and other family had no clue. I personally find it embarrassing to have gone through abuse, which is wrong I know, but that's the reason I keep its affects on me secret. So keep in mind people are not always doing as well as they seem.