Sex Offender As Therapist?!

[anthony]

It's a messed up world we reside in.

 

[void]

'In the 2005 book, "The Sociopath Next Door" Harvard University psychologist Martha Stout claims one out of every 25 people in America is a sociopath. She defines sociopath as a person with no conscience.'
Source: Quora

If that is accurate and if one could generalize that percentage to the global population, that would mean that there are ~ 280 000 000 diagnosable Socio/Psychopaths on Earth.

GULP:wideeyed::wideeyed::wideeyed:!!!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Ben, you have done your very best. You can't spend the rest of your life saving the world from your brother. You need to live your life, in a place of self-compassion and self-acceptance.

Your mentioned your parentectomy early on, but then spoke of your relationship with your mother. I believe that at some point, you will have to cut the family loose entirely so that you don't have to take responsibility for your brother's actions, or defend your diagnosis to them again. You have enough to deal with. Let the vampires feed on each other.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@void, ever watch the channels Discovery ID, CI, Cloo (and a few others)? Full of ruthless killers and insane psycopaths.

Yes its staggering but true. Ive studied most of the most famous serial killers and most, like say Ted Bundy or Dennis Radar (BTK), look like the all American good person.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

he is getting you back in making you out to be the liar and crazy one putting a wedge between you and your mom and what a total bastard he is.

Gizmo, you are right about that.

You see, my parents had three child. I am their eldest child and son. My brother is the middle child and middle son. Apparently, from what he told my mother when he was about 30 y/0, he felt he was always living in my shadow.

When I cut my parents off - the parentectomy I referred to - he took over my slot as the eldest child and eldest son. He liked having that role.

When our father was on his death bed, I came back to the family to help take care of our father. My brother didn't like this. He didn't get involved at all. He spent time on the phone with my parents trying to discredit me. (This was before he went to graduate school.)

When Dad died, my brother talked my mother into moving in with him in Colorado. My brother refused to allow me to call at his home, so I couldn't talk to my mother unless she called me. So, effectively, Mom used me to take care of Dad, and then she got rid of me and hung onto my brother after Dad died.

So, Mom has been living with my brother now for some ten years. He fills her head with all sorts of nonsense about me. She believes him because he is now a doctoral level counselor.

I don't think he's trying to get back at me. I do believe he's trying to maintain his hegemony over my mother, and hence over our family. He likes that power and priviledge.

His pursuit of this career and its techniques/knowledge have turned him into a SuperPredator....now he will stalk his prey with fully conscious technical precision and finesse as he lures them into danger.

Void, this is exactly my fear, and the fear of all my therapist friends. If he has truly turned a new leaf - well, good for him. But if not, yup, he's now a SuperPredator.

I believe that at some point, you will have to cut the family loose entirely so that you don't have to take responsibility for your brother's actions, or defend your diagnosis to them again.

Yes, I did cut the entire family lose in 1987. I came back in 2003 only because Dad was dying and wanted to see me. My parents apologized profusely for all of the abuse, and so we made amends.

Note, however, that my brother and I never reconciled. In fact, he refused to even tell his sons that I existed at all until just recently.

Anyhow, despite the ugliness, I did not cut my mother off again. She is elderly now and she may need me at some point. My brother did not help out during our father's final illness - he didn't even come out for the funeral - and I doubt he will help Mom when the time comes.

My brother will probably have to leave Virginia in order to find work. He's going to have a heck of a time. When he leaves Virginia, my mother will be left there all alone without any family. I worry about what will happen to her when that time comes.

Ben

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Well, I think I've finished vomitting this all out. Thank you so much for your patience and support, each and every one of you.

I have held on to this information for a long time. I got to the point that I felt it was putrifying inside of me, making me sick. It has been very very helpful to write this all out, with all of you responding, helping, and supporting me.

I cannot tell you all how much I appreciate your input and support!

Also, I want to let you all know that I reread this entire thread several times. I have come to the conclusion that, although this is an ugly situation, I have done a pretty good job taking responsibility for whatever was in my power to take responsibility for doing. So, maybe I am at the point now where I can say I've done everything reasonably possible, and it's time for me to let this go - unless something serious comes up that is within my power to address.

Thank you all so much! Blessings to you.

Ben

P.S. - I don't mean to lock this thread or refuse further comments. Please, if you have something else to say, I am glad to hear it. I just wanted to let you all know that this discussion has helped me come to a better place inside. Ben

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Gizmo, you are right about that.

You see, my parents had three child. I am there eldest child a...

Ben, I wish you the best of luck with this situation. I can see why you wouldn't want to break off communication with your elderly mother. It seems like you've done everything that you could do in regard to your brother. For your own well-being, please consider walking away. You can't spend the rest of your life saving the world from him. :(

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Mal Content, there's really nothing more I can do about him at this time. So, yes, I will no longer have this on a 'front burner'.

If something egregious comes up in the future, then I will need to step up to the plate, but I have a feeling that might not happen. My brother now knows, if nothing else, that I will stand up to him, if need be. He is no longer so easily able to cover his tracks and have everyone stay silent.

Ben

 

[Lucycat]

@BuckarooBanzai you mention you are of three brothers. Is the youngest involved and an active part of the family? Is he able to help you with all of this, at the very least someone to have discussions with who understands all of the family dynamics? I would like to think that you are not dealing with this burden alone.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't mean to put more on your plate and perhaps this is a topic for another thread-------but there are many schools out there that require you to have a background check before you're fully admitted to their program. It makes me mad(!!!!!) that there are upper level counseling programs that do not do the same!

I wonder if the benefactors of these universities would like to know this! (Or did he go to a for profit school------which would explain a lot?)

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

involved and an active part of the family? Is he able to help you with all of this,

Hi Lucycat. No, my youngest brother is not an active part of my family. He was traumatised and abused repeatedly at a young age, and so will only interact with our mother - and he has forbidden her to tell anyone anything. Literally. We don't even know where he lives.

I wonder if the benefactors of these universities would like to know this! (Or did he go to a for profit school------which would explain a lot?)

Eve, these are valid concerns.

He attended private universities.

When he studied in his first graduate program, I wrote his Dean. The Dean did not respond, so I then emailed the chancellor, etc., but again got no response. I called the APA, who accredited their program, but got no response. Finally, because I was desperate about him participating in practicum, I sought to email the professor in charge of setting these up. When I couldn't figure out who that person was, I emailed every single psychology and counseling professor at the graduate level. Again, no response.

I had the same problem with Psychology Today. Although they removed his ads immediately upon receipt of my email and documentation, they never responded to me, even though I wrote several times.

And, again, his second university failed to respond.

This process has been remarkably frustrating. I did managed to keep him from getting licensed, but the failure of all involved to step up to the plate was frustrating. In each case, the institution sought only to limit its own liability.

Actually, the non-responses make sense. If they were to respond, they'd have to admit to one of two things, either of which would be damning. Either:

1. They failed to do a criminal background check prior to allowing him to practice, or

2. They did a background check, but allowed him to practice anyhow.

Admitting to either would put the universities, Psychology Today, and everyone involved in legal jeopardy.

Ben

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Eve, if I had money, I'd have a lawyer chase all of these individuals down. I don't have the funds.

Ben