I've Reached My Breaking Point - I Can't Do This Anymore.

[Astrid_Shadow]

Hey guys so a lot happened today, I got my court papers and have court dates set for my custody battle with my son. We also had a big family meeting today and I think I completely ruined my relationship with my sister. I told on her because she was doing something illegal with my ex. (It was just pot but still shes only 17 and hes 24) She wouldn't even hug me tonight. I have been crying on and off all night. On top of it all I found out my mom might have breast cancer...so tonight I had a slip up and I did cut...I have a lot of prescription medication and I'm not gonna lie it looks really tempting. I'm just tired, I'm so tired of bottling everything up until I get to the point of thinking about suicide I know people "need" me but I just don't feel like they do anymore and I'm ready to just end it all. I'm scared, I'm alone and I don't trust myself right now, especially since I cut.
What should I do now....

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

Can you engage in something distracting that will take your mind away from it all? Maybe watch a favorite movie, with your favorite munchies?

I don't think you did the wrong thing regarding your sister. She's still a minor. Some may say it's "just" pot but I don't think she wants to be facing a criminal record at such a young age. I do wonder why she thinks it's ok to hang around your ex?

 

[Mim28]

Hey guys so a lot happened today, I got my court papers and have court dates set for my custody b...

They do need you and brighter days will come I promise. I know the feeling and I've been there recently too and I just keep saying, not today. I am loved and I'm not going to let it win today. Not today. Whatever hell in in I'm going to ride it out. I think having children kept me hanging on years ago. I couldn't deal with the lifetime of trauma I would but her through. And she still needs me. So do your loved ones. I care.

 

[EveHarrington]

Oh but to add, she's still young. I don't think she'll stay mad at you forever. Hopefully she'll realize at some point that you just want what's best for her. :hug:

 

[Mim28]

:hug:

Can you engage in something distracting that will take your mind away from it all? Maybe w...

Eve is right. This site has distracted me today. Odd as it seems since I've been talking about it all day.

 

[Mim28]

Oh but to add, she's still young. I don't think she'll stay mad at you forever. Hopefully she'll...

When she grows up she will realize you were right.

 

[Mim28]

Astrid, are you still here?

 

[Astrid_Shadow]

Yes I'm still here.
I'll try to distract myself.
She doesn't trust me anymore she called me a hypocrite cause I used to smoke weed. I wanna go to sleep but I'm too upset right now

 

[Soca]

It sounds like an overwhelming amount of stress. I was at a similar point a few days ago. I laid down for a good while... allowed myself to cry as needed without self judgement... and eventually even got a shower in. It was all the distract techniques I could muster to allow the storm to pass or at least give myself the space I needed to decompress from the ever growing build up of pressure. I think some day your sister will realize that your actions are out of love and a desire to protect her. At 17, I probably would've reacted the same way... I was emotionally immature and very self-absorbed (not saying your sister necessarily exhibits these qualities... but I don't think it's uncommon at 17). I hope you find a way to give yourself space to rest and some self-compassion. -hugs-

 

[Astrid_Shadow]

I hope she sees that I'm just doing this to protect her...maybe someday she'll understand...hopefully... She just doesnt see the situation the way I do....

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

I tried a number of antidepressants in the past, when I was young, and they all made me want to off myself. I learned the hard way, Astrid, that taking those pills will lead one to wake up on a locked unit.

It can be tempting - one thinks about peaceful sleep - but it almost always leads to a locked psych unit.

Ben

 

[Astrid_Shadow]

I'm on a numerous amount of medication. They aren't helping.
Any tips would be very appreciated.