Relationship The Start Of Therapy Breakup

[JM318]

I realize her situation could have been handled a little better, but plenty of stuff I have done could...

It ruined my morning actually, but he's probably right. It went from meeting my veteran and feeling like he was a breathe of fresh air, something real and positive and too good to be true. To feeling like I couldn't breathe anymore. This monster slowly taking his focus off of "us" and "himself" and neither of us understood what was happening. Even when he was diagnosed we didn't understand, and that was a year ago. We broke up for 6 months, he self medicated and tried to deal with it alone and he reached out and told me he was miserable without me and I felt the same. So we set goals for ourselves and again the focus shifted and before I knew it we were back to being apart. I feel a great deal of loss and I'm confused and I really just want him to be happy and healthy, even if it's without me. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic and I need to realize that love doesn't conquer all, not everything is cut and dry, no amount of hoping and praying and doing everything I could to educate myself and try to be strong when he was weak is going to fix a thing. I just need to let it go and accept that everyone loses someone that they love at some point in their life.

 

[NaeNae75]

It ruined my morning actually, but he's probably right. It went from meeting my veteran and feeling like...

No, I don't think for a second you were trying to be manipulative or evil....please don't think you're evil. I've been dealing with PTSD in one form or another my entire life. From my dad's to my own, to my sister's, to my significant other's....NOTHING you wrote seemed manipulative to me. It seemed like the usual over-analyizing to keep peace. Maybe a bit co-dependent, but most relationships have a hint of that.

Is it how I would have handled things? In the beginning, probably....now, no - not really. But you didn't have, from what it seems, bad intent. That to me, and my s/o is where the crux of a lot of things lay. So if you were doing it to try to keep the peace, yours and his....that isn't evil.

 

[JM318]

No, I don't think for a second you were trying to be manipulative or evil....please don't think you're...

I am so exhausted and defeated I really thought for a second that I was evil, but I know I'm not. I work in health care and I take extra time with patients who want to share their stories with me, even if it has nothing to do with their cardiac issues and I know the doctor gets mad because we're on a "schedule" but I never regret it when I come to work and there's a "thank you" card on my desk thanking me for being compassionate and taking the time to be there for a stranger. Or when my patients tells me it's nice for a change that someone cares. I do go out of my way to help others, I've seen evil in front of me in the past and I've heard evil stories from others, there is definitely evil out there, but it's not me.

I'm crying and down today because I wish I had answers for everyone, and I wish I had answers for myself. I can't fix the world, all I can do is do the right things and be a good person and do my part while I'm here on earth. Everything else I need to put in God's hands and stop holding the guilt for things I can't change. But that's what always hurts the most, the situations you wish were different but you have no control over. And I've experienced that at a young age, I lost my best friend in a car accident and a year later saw another friend die in a car wreck right in front of me. I know I have my own issues that I need to work out, I'm aware of all of it, my doctor made that even clearer yesterday when he told me he thinks I hold a lot of weight on my shoulders and I need to take care of myself too. I have a history of depression/anxiety that I've worked through on my own without medication and it's to the point where I feel my symptoms are "normal". So I'm continuing my therapy sessions and I'll continue to keep busy as always. I'm ready for this day to be over.

 

[JM318]

Best advice I got on this board and from a psychiatrist is find a hobby and get your mind off of it...

@Statsattack - I loved dancing since I was a kid. Never got the chance to take a class bc my parents couldn't afford it. I started the dance team in high school and I loved performing at basketball games. I've decided to start a hip hop class next week :) I think it'll help me a lot, thank you for the advice

 

[JM318]

@TerriB8511

 

[Rumors]

Guys there was supposed to be a NOT IN THAT SENTENCE ABOUT BEING EVIL. It should have read
"I KNOW YOU ARE NOT MANIPULATING HIM BC YOU ARE EVIL"
I didn't re-read the entire post and for some reason spell check took it out. If you read further down it contradicts that part by saying that you weren't intentionally manipulating him. Sorry for the damn spell check error. I stand by everything else though....I think...
When I came and read comments I thought "I didn't call her evil!" And went back and about fell out bc of that error. It was early in the morning and I was in a rush and didn't check it before hitting the post button. I certainly did NOT mean to cause you grief. The fact I capitalized KNOW before typing the rest I hope tells you that it was a typo.

 

[JM318]

Guys there was supposed to be a NOT IN THAT SENTENCE ABOUT BEING EVIL. It should have read
"I KNOW YOU A...

That doesn't make any sense still

 

[Rumors]

That doesn't make any sense still

Well, it does in my mind... I was trying to state that your letter is a form of manipulation but its intent wasn't because you are evil or were intentionally trying to hurt him. However, I still see it as a form of manipulation. He knows what the good times were and what the bad times were. I still think you should leave him alone. Just my opinion.
Again, and last time I will state this, spell check left out NOT...I can't change that and am sorry if it caused you angst. It wasn't my intent but don't let the message get lost in an error.

 

[JM318]

Okay now I understand now that you re-worded it. I am leaving him alone at this point. Should I delete him from social media? I deactivated my Facebook weeks ago, and don't really post on snapchat, but I'm wondering why he didn't delete me like he normally does? And he's posting on snapchat more frequently. Maybe he just doesn't care and really does want to move on. I'm just wondering what's best.

 

[Rumors]

I can only tell you as someone who suffers from ptsd that sometimes there isn't a rhyme or reason as to why someone does anything. Lol. I hate to say that but it is true. I can also tell you that fear of abandonment and instability are active triggers for most of us. Stability is a must. Hearing from someone that they aren't going anywhere is imperative. BUT!!!!! If his behavior is unhealthy and abusive to you then you need to be away from him bc it isn't healthy for you either. He isn't good for anyone under those circumstances.
It really is tough but it sounds to me like he has made his mind up as well. Pushing it may only make things worse for you both. I think unfriending is childish. Unless he beat you up or it ended in some horrific way, just go live life and be happy for him if he can find some peace. If he is in denial of needing help it is unlikely he is happy. This shit sucks!!!

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Okay now I understand now that you re-worded it. I am leaving him alone at this point. Should I delete hi...

Are you an adult or a 5th grader? At the end of the day social media doesn't mean squat. Think of all the people that feel in love long before facebook.

Don't give him space because "giving him space" makes it sound like you are prioritizing his needs above your own. Instead now is the time to be as depressed as you need to be, angry as you need to be, confused as you need to be with your therapist, support groups and people who understand. Gradually start enjoying life when you are ready to enjoy life again. I literally couldn't start enjoying life till I had a clinical rape social worker explain to me my friends behavior and how it is normal and these fights are because of her not taking care of herself. Gradually more people have started sticking up for me and I am the happiest I have been in forever. When you can start enjoying life without him and heal your own wounds than you are probably ready to talk to him.

My guess is you are feeling extremely guilty right now. I still feel guilty every day. I feel so much guilt because one day she unfriended me on facebook and instagram (all I had to cope with during space) because of peoples advice who had no idea what the hell happened between us. I was so fed up of people getting involved with us and making everything worse that I said "my life would be so much easier without you" after our fight. I am wrong for saying that, but that comment wasn't directed at her it was directed towards people putting their 2 cents in without knowing what the hell is going on. I deep down think she knows what I meant the same way I know she meant all the things she said to me about "being on the same team" and not the other stuff she said especially that which was influenced by people who should of never been involved. 20/20 we were both immature and wrong and dealing with ptsd/trauma is so overwhelming. You do have to much on your shoulders same with everyone on here, but its up to you to ease the load and same with your survior.

 

[JM318]

Are you an adult or a 5th grader? At the end of the day social media doesn't mean squat. Think of...

So true. Thanks for all your advice, it's appreciated.