Poll Do You Feel Like A Victim?

[Deleted member 35429]

I read that people who feel responsibility for their trauma tend to break the pattern of victimization/reenactment and lead better lives than those who feel helpless and victimized. So I'm curious, how do you identify yourself? Do you think avoiding the self blame of trauma helps us heal from trauma or keeps us in a perpetual state of victimhood?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

A perp and that definition of myself is the hardest damn thing to change. 8 yrs in therapy and much has changed and made HUGE steps foward but still define myself as such...

 

[Sideways]

Out of the options above, I definitely don't see myself as the victim of anything or anyone (aka my Happy Garden of Denial), but a fighter? Err, no. I'm more like the awkward bumbling ass who, due to sheer dumb luck, is still alive. So, "survivor" in the literal sense.

But if there was no word limit in describing myself? Fraud, demon, lazybones, glutton for misery, floozy...I can keep going!?

I don't think I'll ever identify as a "victim", even when I'm done with my denial. By the same token, I'm not trying to be anyone's hero, so I'm not sure I'll ever qualify as a fighter.

With what you were reading, was it how people perceived themselves, or how they were described by others like their T?

 

[Friday]

None of the above.

I'm just me.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Do you think avoiding the self blame of trauma helps us heal from trauma or keeps us in a perpetual state of victimhood?

I dont think being in "victimhood" is such a horrible thing. Sure, we are "survivors" i guess as we survived but most were victims of a crime and seeing one self as a victim of a crime places blame squarely on the perps.

Not saying i call myself a victim. Just saying. I think 'being a survivor instead of a victim' is overrated in my opinion. As is what we call ourselves in all honesty. I think as you heal, self idenity changes and whatever that is, as long as you are moving on a foward healing path, is fine.

 

[Tinyflame]

Same here, I'm just me. But broken.

I read that people who feel responsibility for their trauma ,, lead better lives

I totally disagree with this. I think we are responsible for our response to trauma.

 

[illusionist]

I'm just me, but I do take part of the blame for some of my wrong actions and decisions I've made in adulthood...stopped me getting into same situations again.

Going through counceling I felt I was all of the above at different stages, depending on my healing.

 

[Friday]

I read that people who feel responsibility for their trauma tend to break the pattern of victimization/reenactment and lead better lives than those who feel helpless and victimized

IDK about that. I'm responsible for most of my trauma. And if I put some serious distance on, I also blame myself for shit that I'm not actually responsible for (yes I am, maybe not wholly responsible, but I still carry it), in addition to the ones that are flat out mine, no debate or argument from any quarter.

What that led to? Repeating shit over and over again. Different ways, different times, different places, under different motivations. Do I lead a better life, being responsible for what I did? No clue. Maybe? Objectively I rather doubt it. Especially given that I read on here almost daily how people would rather kill themselves than lead my life. *Kenpai 献杯


It IS nice, however :D not to have the whole "it's not your fault" thing looming over me all the time. Shudder. The very small part of my history which has debatable blame? I f*cking hate people telling me it's not my fault. Because it is, in fact, arguable. :wtf: It's annoying. It's much cleaner and simpler when shits just my own damn fault. No less painful, in fact it's a great deal more painful, but simpler. And simple is good. I like simple. So it may hurt a helluva lot more, but it's got a nice clear upside to it, as well.

* A funeral toast.

 

[JustKate]

Just a big ball of rage & anger

 

[Ronin]

I ticked 'a survivor... what the hell does that mean' just for that commentary, LOL. Because it's so exact a self talk.

Otherwise, depends. It helps me to identify as a victim in the law sense, because identifying this or that in my life as 'just life <shrug>' f*cks with how I regard repeatability & desirability of it, instead of going Yo! This shit is wrong! Avoid. on myself. As to a self concept, I try to not stay there for too long, though. Pitying my ass won't help me, doing something about it will.

 

[rosey]

I am in the other category as I do not identify with either victim or survivor. this could be more of a reflection on my self-identity crisis. I do agree with @Junebug that we are responsible for the response now as adults. as for blame i do not blame myself now but i do have responsibility left overs in terms of feeling responsible for making sure he doesnt act in the same way towards others, this is hard because I have gone down the legal routes so not much else i can do.

 

[hodge]

I voted survivor "what the hell does this mean?" - lol. It means I survived everything. Everything everyone ever threw at me. And I got to live a great life in spite of it all for years before this shit hit. Had a wonderful college experience with lots of success in every sense of the word . . academically, socially, love life-wise. Then had a great career in the field I loved for many years. Eh, so now for the last 10 years my job is to deal with this. I've been doing the best I can.