Gotta Hate Small Suburbs...

[NicG]

I swear my abuser can sneeze and the person who wipes his nose will tell me every excruciating detail. I found out a whole bunch of new things about his family today that I wasn't aware of. Apparently, every school teacher in my area knows them because they're so bats**t insane, the parents AND my abuser AND his siblings.

So now, I'm sitting here, thinking "well my perfectly loving and caring boyfriend hasn't messaged me today so that probably means he's going to leave me or he's with another girl or maybe he actually hates me." I was doing so well up until now, too.
How do you guys keep picking yourselves up when this crap happens? PTSD sucks. Sigh.

 

[hodge]

That guy is not worth it! I finally learned to tell myself that if I'm worried my guy is with another woman, he is not worth my worrying. I gave up on all those kinds of guys. I'm now married to a guy who I don't have to worry about. You'll find one too, someday.

 

[Silver.]

While it's not possible for everyone, I moved out of my hometown as soon as I was able. Even now I still hear things because I have moved back near the area (but not in it). I have had to teach myself how to blow it all off. When someone starts mentioning something, I ask them to stop. At first, it was awkward, but now they know to expect that reaction from me.
It's good to put of boundaries of what you accept people to tell you, that will help lessen the information you hear about him.

 

[NicG]

Oh! Bad phrasing. I have literally no reason to be worried about where my man is, I know he's been working at his lab all day and he was sick yesterday so he's still getting over that. But I have been cheated on in the past and so when my PTSD flares up, so does my insecurity. I've known this man for 11 years (we grew up together) and I completely trust him.

@Silver. moving away from here is the dream! Do you literally just say something like, hey can we not talk about this? I've tried that with a few people but it always comes back up. Now that I'm typing that, maybe it's them and their listening skills that's the problem!

 

[Silver.]

It very well could be that they aren't listening. I have said a bit of everything. "can we not talk about that" "I don't want to hear about such and such" (I even got so fed up once, and when that happens I shake and rage and screamed that "the subject of x is forever off the table!"). I got eyebrows, some looks, even some complaints, but eventually certain things were just weaned out of the conversation.
(for me, I don't give a hoot if I offend people because I don't want to talk about something. It's my safe space to be able to have certain things not discussed, if they want to chat about it, they can find someone else)

edited: I have been with my childhood sweetheart for 6 years. I too have total trust in him, but sometimes I do get those thoughts as well. I usually talk to him about it. I find it's easier to tell him how I am feeling about a situation because he can relate, or at least talk it through with me. So in other words, I let him in on my crazy lol

 

[NicG]

I like that attitude. I need a bit more of that in my life!
You're totally right. If people can't respect my personal safety and comfort in the conversation, that conversation is not worth having.

 

[Beemo3780]

I ended up leaving my hometown immediately following my divorce from my abusive ex because of the same thing. Moved to a new state several states away. His family was seriously stalking me, and his friends tried to befriend me to get information for him. I couldn't go anywhere or talk to anyone without him finding out. It was like his way around my order of protection. It was getting really crazy because he would post stuff on his FB account about me that I have no clue how he would know, like when I bought a new couch. Plus I would run into his family and friends occasionally and it would make my PTSD worse. It also became a safety issue, so I just left. Probably the best decision I've ever made. It was so freeing. I got to start over, and no one knew me as the abused ex wife. I mean I was barely leaving my house before I moved, and kept it locked up like a fortress with an alarm system on at all times. Now I'm pretty active in the community and go out and do stuff as much as I can.

 

[aut555]

I ended up leaving my hometown immediately following my divorce from my abusive ex because of the sam...

My soon to be ex is the same way. I moved away, and still had to deal with car vandalism because of him. And a multitude of other things. Thanks for sharing. I don't feel so alone after l read your post.