Do You Feel The Presence Of The Abuser Sometimes?

[Hope1969]

I mean not in a bad or abusive way just feel his pressence as if he is near you?

this person is dead for 4.5 years and i never sensed his pressence untill i started to work on the abuse in therapy. usually after this feeling there are flashbacks so i get ready.

to be honest (and i am going to sound stupid i know) sometimes i think that maybe his soul is trying to contact me and tell me that it is not him although i see him in flashback. and sometimes i am afraid that maybe he is angry with me and this is the reason for his pressence.

god i know it sounds a bit psychotic or childish . . . maybe i am asking to just to know that i am normal.

 

[Chiqui]

I think this is not abnormal neither rare. It happened to me the first two tree years of recovery. Even he walked by me side in the streets. Its not surprising, because the cult I was trapped in was very much about dead souls without a bodies to reincarned in, and bodiless experiences, mediums, etc. I am smiling while I write this, such amount of bullshit!! I believe it is a proyection of my trauma, I make it. They are not real and he/she can't hurt you at all.
Hope this make any sense and help you somehow,
Hugs if you accept them

 

[Hope1969]

Hope this make any sense and help you somehow,

Thank you :-)

 

[Hope1969]

today i went to the grocery shop and wanted to buy 10 bagles. and than i heard his pressence again and felt that as if he is telling me why you are buying 10?!! 8 is enough. and i bought only 8 because i became afraid. after i left the place i thought to myself that if i will tell this to my T she will think that i became nuts.

 

[Chiqui]

I heard me abuser shutting on my head calling me bitch, wore, because I was in a market trying a short skirt I really liked it.
She was so violent and abusive in my head that I had to run away from the shop. I started to sacke and crying...spoke with my T, and, two days later, I went back and bought the skirt. And wear it often!! Your T is not going to think yo are nuts, he shouldn't.

 

[Hope1969]

I heard me abuser shutting on my head calling me bitch, wore, because I was in a market trying a short s...

Thank you !!!! I feel better :)

 

[Chiqui]

Thank you !!!! I feel better :)

:):roflmao:

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

@Hope1969, I don't think you're crazy or sound psychotic or childish, or that your T will think so, either! And you are not alone.

I hear so many voices in my head, not "Voices In My Head" like auditory hallucinations, but very persistent and intrusive auditory memories, I call them the Greek Chorus. I hear my primary abuser (my dad), but also a lot of other people, auditory memories of terrible things that I have lived through and the things that people said to or about me (eg, basically calling me a shameful slut in 4 different languages, a whore, zona, nafka, pínche puta) ... But I also hear my own voice saying these things to myself, plus what I call my "inner Loftus" who doesn't believe me, and a voice I call the Observer Self.

More to what you are talking about, sometimes I have felt my dad standing next to me, like he's just outside of my peripheral vision. The thing is I feel him like when I was young, that is, the height I mean; it's not an adult feeling. I have felt his hands on me during particularly vivid flashbacks. I haven't seen him in more than 35 years ...

Recently I felt like someone was touching me during yoga. I kept trying to swat the hand away. I realized it was a body memory that was triggered by yoga. I go to a special yoga class by a T, Yoga for Depression & Anxiety. She knows how to create a safe space, and yet I still get triggered in yoga. I think it's because it helps me stay in touch with my body.

You said you started feeling this after you started working on the trauma in therapy. Makes perfect sense to me! You are not crazy! And talking back to those voices can be very empowering! Can you talk to your T about these feelings?

 

[Chiqui]

@Hope1969, I don't think you're crazy or sound psychotic or childish, or th...

I agree with Lola Nocheprieta. It is very powerful to reply those voices when you are ready. They don't come from quite time ago, but I am never sure. Sometimes the attack begins when I am feeling low or too tired. Or when I am just relaxed.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Yes, @MariaY! Sometimes just as I'm trying to fall asleep I'll hear or feel something and it freaks me out at first. But mostly mine happens when I just feel at my worst. It's sort of like kicking myself when I'm down ...

 

[Hope1969]

the logical part in me knows that its my thoughts. but when it happen i become haunted and afraid.
yesterday when i read my son bed time story i felt that the abusers spirit is in the house angry and something bad is going to happen. i was terrified/ tried to tell myself that its just my imagination but it didnt work. and then i remembered something my T told me to do - i told those fears or ghosts to come back tommorow morning because i am busy now. it worked!! :-)
the strange thing is that my "abuser" was very pleasent person. never abused me verbaly. traeted me with respect (i see him in many flashbacks as sexual abuser and i still find it hard to believe it that he did it to me). so its not a memeory. its my inner abusive part keep doing the job well.

 

[Hope1969]

More to what you are talking about, sometimes I have felt my dad standing next to me, like he's just outside of my peripheral vision. The thing is I feel him like when I was young, that is, the height I mean; it's not an adult feeling. I have felt his hands on me during particularly vivid flashbacks. I haven't seen him in more than 35 years ...

me too - when i sense his presence its like when he was young not the old and sick person that i remember very well. and then the flashbacks begin. its like a warning sign. its like he is in my blod system moving around.

our brain is such a flexibal and strange thing ....