How Do You Behave In Order To Fit In?

[Sideways]

feels shitty to have my problems trivialized to a matter of simply thinking too much. I hate being pushed around and bullied in my own threads, being told what to do and if I don't do it then I'm crapped on and told how I need to fix my behavior.

For what it's worth, I get told I'm over-thinking stuff all the time. I personally don't take that as someone trivialising my situation - they geniunely mean it. "Stop thinking about it and tearing yourself up with this issue, and get out there and just keep trying Ragdoll". And with a lot of things, major issues, just "getting out there" has actually helped. A lot.

In the OP, you asked for suggestions on how to "fit in", which seems (IMO) a question about adapting behaviours to healthier, or at least more functional, behavioural patterns. So that's certainly the gist of my earlier suggestions.

I'm not sure who has been bullying you in this thread? I honestly can't see that anywhere. That's a perception thing, "my perception is that I'm being bullied", and sometimes our perception can be way off the mark when we're struggling. But it doesn't make it true. It's just a perception. Misinterpreting what people have said or done, with our own ptsd-brain working against us.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much Eve. I genuinely am. But posts like these bite badly when all people seem to have done is try and make an empathetic suggestion on an issue that I struggle with as well. And I know that you're the last person who's out to get anyone down.

It leaves me feeling like I'm being put in an impossible situation- being asked for suggsstions, then told that I'm bullying you by offering them.

That's all "me" statements. How I feel reading your reply to a thread that I've contributed to. And I only put it out there because I'm wondering (sincerely), is your perception that you don't fit in possibly a little skewed? Things seem to be taken as criticism and bullying when that doesn't seem to be the intent...?? Is that potentially happening in social situations you've tried recently? If so, there's potentially nothing about your behaviour that you need to change at all, potentially you're fitting in a helluva lot better than you realise, and instead the issue is the way you're interpreting the behaviour of others. That's a completely different issue to tackle, you know?

 

[sedna]

@EveHarrington Apology accepted. Please do me and everyone else a favor.... The n...

She Cat you are awesome.

Throwing down that history with total self acceptance in the moment is exactly what I needed to see tonight, Ive been tippy toeing around self pity lately.

Reading that was like someone spitting in my eye, in a good way.

 

[EveHarrington]

What sort or group? Each group of people you would "fit in" differently depending on the kind of peo...

I don't really have an identity beyond my disorder. It follows me everywhere and influences every aspect of my life. Being myself doesn't really work or else I wouldn't be in this state. I am trying to figure out how to fit in so that I'm not so isolated anymore. If I can't figure out how to fit in, I really don't see the point in living. Nobody wants to be alone for the rest of their life. Anymore I just feel like one big joke.

 

[anonymous]

I don't really have an identity beyond my disorder.

You do, you just don't know what that is. There is a difference in that and not having one. Make it a point to start listing good attributes. Take a week and carry the list with you and just write down those you can think of.

Now read the list, for a week. Memorize it. It becomes part of you.

You are someone beyond PTSD! It doesn't define you or anyone else here. Find that person and then slowly you can have that part of you shine in the group. Like I said, each person brings something different to a group. What can you bring to it?

I already have one. You seem very smart and knowledgable on the forum. Start with that.

can't figure out how to fit in, I really don't see the point in living. Nobody wants to be alone for the rest of their life. Anymore I just feel like one big joke.

My question is, how do you stand out? Fitting in is to blend in. What makes you stand out in a group (other than PTSD)?

 

[sedna]

@EveHarrington I was reading this threads posts from today and thought about something that you may be overlooking.

You know that when you posted about s. s. syndrome and I kept replying to argue with you, how that made you feel, but when I told you later why I do stuff like that, and that it had nothing to do with you or even the topic at all, I'm sure you were a little surprised.

When I saw those posts later and thought about you as a person I felt like shit. It took a while to apologize because I felt that bad about it.

Yesterday Radgoll Circus got me in a similar frame of mind on a post and I went into my normal habit, but then Ragdoll replied in a way that let me know that it wasnt personal for them either and reminded me that communication styles can be so easily misunderstood here.

My personality doesnt always translate well here, we all have that sometimes, maybe like me, you feel like its a pretty regular thing.

Thats not the same thing as being rejected. It means you need to look at how you say things and possibly approach it differently, OR learn to ignore people who dont make you feel good and keep your focus on people who do. Just on this thread there are people that like you and even more in other places.

What I was doing in that s.s. debate wasnt really that bad, Ive been a bigger asshole in other threads. I felt that bad about it because I like you and you were being sincere about something important to you, I didnt treat that with respect.

I know its really hard when you feel so sure that you don't belong, to remember that people arent measuring your worthiness all the time. You dont have to prove yourself to anybody, usually if you like someone, it makes them feel good and they like you back.

 

[EveHarrington]

You do, you just don't know what that is. There is a difference in that and not having one. Make it...

I made a thread about that a few months ago. I never really was able to find any positive attributes in myself. I dislike feeling self-centered, prideful, and narcissistic so going around thinking I'm so great or I'm something special just seems wrong to me when the world has been telling me my whole life that I'm trash, I'm nobody.

Nothing about me makes me stand out. I'm a pretty average person, no special qualities or anything.

 

[aut555]

I don't really have an identity beyond my disorder. It follows me everywhere and influences every...

I think you have fit in this large group really well, we just need a campfire and some marshmallows at this point.

 

[anonymous]

no special qualities or anything.

That's not true at all. I could pick someone out here and start listing a ton of positive attributes, including yourself.

You are very intelligent and very knowledgable.
You stand up for what you believe in.
You stand up for the "under dog" even if that means you get the shit rolling down the hill.
You have a great sense of humor.

That's just to name a few.

I dislike feeling self-centered, prideful, and narcissistic so going around thinking I'm so great or I'm something special just seems wrong to me when the world has been telling me my whole life that I'm trash, I'm nobody.

It's not narcissitic to say "I am special and I am not trash". You are not your past. None of us are and it is not wrong to say you are someone special as that is truth.

 

[EveHarrington]

That's not true at all. I could pick someone out here and start listing a ton of positive attributes...

But you don't know me. None of us really knows anyone here because that's the nature of the site and of the Internet as a whole.

 

[anonymous]

But you don't know me.

True but how one conducts oneself here says a lot about a person.

 

[EveHarrington]

True but how one conducts oneself here says a lot...

Point taken.

I'll change my behavior.

 

[anonymous]

I'll change my behavior.

That is not what I said.

I was advising of good qualities due to conduct on here because you said I don't know anyone personally.

I understand that there is a lot of pain behind this but you are taking everything out of context and then throwing it back on everyone and turning and biting at people. I understand you are hurting and that is why I am trying to help but there comes a time where one needs to look at their own behavior and ask if that may be a part of not fitting in and having no friends.

I am not saying that no one likes you or any other out of context you want to pull that. I am, though, saying that turning and biting at people isn't helping.