How Do You Behave In Order To Fit In?

[EveHarrington]

I didnt miss understand the thread question. No one is going to be able to tell you how to cha...

Stop acting cowardly and being nasty behind the anon feature. I reacted to ONE person negatively, that being she cat. If others are taking offense to me getting angry at her, that's their problem and a SERIOUS problem here on the forum. I had this happen to me before and yes, I make a comment and EVERYONE takes it personally and EVERYONE assumes that I'm talking about them when I am not. I refuse to sit here and be blamed for being a bad person when I reacted negatively to ONE person and then it was moved on from.

I know who you are and I know why you're using the anon feature. It's kind of sad that you refuse to reply to my PM and then come at me in a thread like this. It's pretty sad that you have to hide behind anon to tell me you don't like me.

I'm cracking up because you pretend to know me but everything you say is just one big assumption after another that doesn't fit.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think I need to clarify.

Fitting in means that you are an accepted and welcomed and valued person in a group. It does not require standing out as not everyone can be the social butterfly at the center of attention (as the group would most definitely be dysfunctional) and it most definitely does not entail blending in and being a quiet wall flower. A functional group has many different types of people in it in order to be viable. A group of identical clones goes nowhere, as all of the quiet type would lead to a non-cohesive group that would quickly disintegrate and all of the center of attention types would explode due to fighting for the spotlight. Every group is made up of different kinds of people, although these differences may be more subtle in some groups than in others.

I'm not talking about blending in and being invisible. I'm talking about being a part of a group and fitting in with the group in your own way.

I'm kind of floored that some people don't fit well with their friends. (Why even be friends? Oil and water? No thanks. I can find others I mesh better with.)

 

[scout86]

Every group is made up of different kinds of people, although these differences may be more subtle in some groups than in others.

So, what kind of person are you? What would you bring to a group?

 

[EveHarrington]

I tend to take cues from other people I'm with and just kind of find ways to relate in response to what I h...

Yes, your suggestion makes sense to me. I think sometimes I say too much and it causes me to become alienated from the group and then I move on because I don't like being judged.

 

[EveHarrington]

Sometimes it gets down to timing. Being in the right place at the right time. Maybe checking out social...

This is a good idea and I think I do it to an extent because I try to watch others and see how they behave so that I can behave the same. It often doesn't work. People get nasty when I make mistakes, but these people are just jerks and I try to ignore them.

 

[EveHarrington]

No answers sorry @EveHarrington - I struggle in groups and making friends. I'm dif...

I think those things about myself, too, and I think everyone else thinks the same about me. Why wouldn't they?

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't know. I don't think we need to stand out to make friends. I think we need a moment of connectio...

I think this is the root of my problem because I've never felt a connection to anybody. I don't understand why suicide is a big deal. I mean I don't understand why people get upset when someone dies. I don't feel those sorts of connections to people and I don't understand how other people are connected to each other. It's jibberish to me.

 

[EveHarrington]

I consider you a friend, Eve.

Thank you.

 

[EveHarrington]

What I've found is that there's a lot of unspoken rules in social groups. Like you have to know it, bu...

I just want to say that you're pretty insightful and dead on------socializing skills are some tightly held secret that you have to figure out for yourself. It's kinda why I bounce around so much. Mess up, move on, find someone new, rinse and repeat. I just wish someone would write a book about this stuff. Figuring it out on your own just stinks.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm speaking my truth. You wouldn't be the first person to call me pessimistic

I don't think you're pessimistic. I think you're intuitive and can see things as they are.

 

[EveHarrington]

Well this is a good question and very interesting to read all of these replies! So I find this challeng...

I understand why it would feel wrong. I mean it can feel fake to me at times but I'm tired of being by myself all of the time so I figure I'll try something new.

 

[EveHarrington]

Think it's great that you are here checking out feelings and getting feedback. Truthfully, l never felt...

Yeah, that's true, group mentality can stink at times. Not all groups are bad though. I do my own thing but since I don't fit in anywhere I want to at least try to branch out and do something new.