Gs172003
Diamond Member
If you go to a church that condones violence you are going to the wrong church. That goes for ANYBODY.
-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
Religion & Abuse - Raising A Child Problems
- Post starter HëllaBubz
- Start date
- Status
Please do not misquote me. Let's go back and look at what I actually said.
Nowhere did I say all persons or anything about raising a child in religion. I am talking about the scary stories which I gave examples and instilling a fear of questioning.
I specifically said, forcing your beliefs on your child and not allowing them to choose is what should be illegal. I get exactly what the OP is saying about being lukewarm and the fear that creates and how it breeds abandonment anxiety.
To address the issue of morality, empathy is the gold standard and where morality comes from. The next standard is mental and physical health. So if it hurts you or someone else, it is probably immoral.
joeylittle
Sponsor
@missy meier - the OP has said that this is off-topic for this thread. If you'd like to start a new thread about this, please do.
lostforgottensoul
VIP Member
:hilarious: EXACTLY how I shut my family up! :D
- Post starter
- #41
HëllaBubz
Diamond Member
Empathy is a mega part of my parenting approach, we feature RIE from Janet Lansbury heavily, as well as evolutionary parenting, so I think I've ticked that one, although working towards achievement requires ongoing awareness, present-in-the-moment ness in my daily parenting.
I guess I hold myself accountable because I know my child will, the way I held mine accountable and was resented for. Everyone needs to be held accountable, so the more effort I put in now, the clearer cut it will be, so at least if she doesn't agree, she'll understand why.
Just because doesn't cut it.
(sure there's a word for it, but I've got a cough, 2 week long cold fever and my second period for this month.... *shakes fist at universe*)
@Fadeaway @lostforgottensoul, you guys are helping so much, I really appreciate how much you make me feel heard. Having a voice is so very important. I forget how much my brain has turned to shapeless mush after dealing with mother groups, and then I hop on here at it brings it into painful but welcome focus haha :p
VioletButterfly
Diamond Member
Just a few thoughts. I read the thread yesterday and just scanned it again, and don't remember seeing anyone offering that religion and faith are two totally different concepts. Faith is what you choose to believe as the truth for your life. Religion is a man-made construct where like believers join together to practice their faith/beliefs.
Several posters have offered good insights and advice. If you don't want to go to a religious institution, there are many ways to instill a belief system in your child, based upon your morals. If you want a spiritual aspect, that's where you have to start digging deep down inside to see what your beliefs are and how you want to bring in a spiritual aspect, but again, I would offer that faith and a relationship with your higher power (if you choose to have one) does not mean you have to attend or conform to any set of beliefs of a religious organization.
I've done a good bit of research because I was raised in a Southern Baptist church wherein what I saw and experienced was a lot of hypocrisy, judgment, and a lack of inclusiveness. I did not feel welcome, like I was bad, etc... As a teenager I stepped away from the church, but God did not let go of me. I didn't practice any particular faith, I kind of liked Deism though. My family was horrified and expressed all kinds of inappropriate crap thinking in response. So, I moved through life, and I started to reconnect and enrich my faith and relationship with God on my own. I found different teachers, I read, and I studied. I am a seeker.
As an adult, I have reconnected with a very different God from the one I was introduced to. God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are all "for" me and here for me. I am loved, cherished, forgiven, saved, and protected. I started to hear God direct me when I was not busy destroying myself, and am now very grateful that He did not let go of me. He has saved me time and again. This has been my journey and it still continues in a stop and go way, sometimes I am breathing my faith, sometimes I hide my face in shame and have to be redirected, and sometimes I have to step back and act out - that's the nature of this horrible illness. The good news is that I know I will be forgiven and accepted back in the fold and loved unconditionally. I am never truly alone.
That's my experience though and it's taken decades to get here and to set aside what I grew up in and experienced as a younger person. My church emphasizes my relationship with the entirety of God and not the church itself or God as some scary authoritarian. Today, church is just a gathering place for like believers to celebrate and practice our faith, and place to connect with one another.
Just some thoughts for you and a bit about my experience. I hope some of it resonates. Best to you on your journey and, also, I wanted to mention that you sound like a very thoughtful and wonderful mother. VB
Several posters have offered good insights and advice. If you don't want to go to a religious institution, there are many ways to instill a belief system in your child, based upon your morals. If you want a spiritual aspect, that's where you have to start digging deep down inside to see what your beliefs are and how you want to bring in a spiritual aspect, but again, I would offer that faith and a relationship with your higher power (if you choose to have one) does not mean you have to attend or conform to any set of beliefs of a religious organization.
I've done a good bit of research because I was raised in a Southern Baptist church wherein what I saw and experienced was a lot of hypocrisy, judgment, and a lack of inclusiveness. I did not feel welcome, like I was bad, etc... As a teenager I stepped away from the church, but God did not let go of me. I didn't practice any particular faith, I kind of liked Deism though. My family was horrified and expressed all kinds of inappropriate crap thinking in response. So, I moved through life, and I started to reconnect and enrich my faith and relationship with God on my own. I found different teachers, I read, and I studied. I am a seeker.
As an adult, I have reconnected with a very different God from the one I was introduced to. God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are all "for" me and here for me. I am loved, cherished, forgiven, saved, and protected. I started to hear God direct me when I was not busy destroying myself, and am now very grateful that He did not let go of me. He has saved me time and again. This has been my journey and it still continues in a stop and go way, sometimes I am breathing my faith, sometimes I hide my face in shame and have to be redirected, and sometimes I have to step back and act out - that's the nature of this horrible illness. The good news is that I know I will be forgiven and accepted back in the fold and loved unconditionally. I am never truly alone.
That's my experience though and it's taken decades to get here and to set aside what I grew up in and experienced as a younger person. My church emphasizes my relationship with the entirety of God and not the church itself or God as some scary authoritarian. Today, church is just a gathering place for like believers to celebrate and practice our faith, and place to connect with one another.
Just some thoughts for you and a bit about my experience. I hope some of it resonates. Best to you on your journey and, also, I wanted to mention that you sound like a very thoughtful and wonderful mother. VB
- Post starter
- #43
HëllaBubz
Diamond Member
My biggest struggle right now is that even discussing it is enough to set off my PTSD. And I don't know how to get around that. I tried discussing it with my old psych last year and she expressed her surprise at me being a person of faith as she called it. She was utterly unhelpful, and I don't think that was fair, as I should be able to explore any part of myself without fear of symptoms.
So that's the other fun part to look at. But thank you @VioletButterfly, I think I'm getting the faith/belief vs religion thing.
So that's the other fun part to look at. But thank you @VioletButterfly, I think I'm getting the faith/belief vs religion thing.
lostforgottensoul
VIP Member
I understand this fully as I have the same issue. I cant talk about it with anyone. Thats why standing back a bit and just researching has worked for me. But i am a researcher in general so i dont know.
My therapist has helped a lot as in addition to a trauma therapist, he is also a pastoral counselor working in a secular PDoc office so it helps that i trust him fully and my symptoms dont go full blown on his office and he doesnt push things on me but just lets me explore what i was taught in my past verses what im finding while researching.
Im sure any therapist would let you explore that. Id say just make sure you trust them and in general your symptoms are mild in office in general.
Anyway, sorry, dont mean to ramble. The biggest help for me is to poke around here and there and stop if I start to get panicked or symptoms start to act up. I then walk away from it and go back later. Etc.
- Post starter
- #45
HëllaBubz
Diamond Member
Research is a good idea. I love to research things.
lostforgottensoul
VIP Member
Me too! Was my therapist's idea and because Im natural researcher, if i come at religon in that way, it doesnt spike my symptoms. Just researching them all.
Ice_Fire
VIP Member
Hey,
So my thoughts on this are very much take-it-or-leave-it, it's up to you. Erm, I totally understand the wish to not be involved with the Christian church, (fair bit of my trauma is related too) and I also wonder whether *any* religion satisfies the moral compass I wish to have, without there being extra complications that I didn't sign up for, so to speak. Like the man in the sky thing for one, but that's just personal opinion.
Like @joeylittle said, a lot of what you seek reminded me of the Quakers, a group I've always been curious about and interested in, but haven't actually plucked up the courage to go and meet so far. There are different branches of it, some more theist than others. Some are openly agnostic about God.
The other thing that I wondered was, whether you could look into Humanism and see if any of that fits? It's sort of an anti-faith religion, which is less of an oxymoron than it first seems. Mainly atheists and agnostics, who've come together to try and find a good code to live by, some moral path, without the need to look to the supernatural as a guide or reason to behave morally. Behave morally not because 'x' says so, but because of all the good it can bring other people. They're a bit sciency though (whether that is something you want to emphasis with your child or not I dunno), but science to me is just a best-guess of how humans think the world is at the moment, so I'm a bit ambivalent about strictly holding everything to natural facts.
More Philosophical, but there's loads of morality stuff out there that has a non-theist stance. Rawls' theory of justice, JS Mill, Kant, Wolf, Lewis etc etc. There are ways to introduce the idea of developing a sound morality (and discussion of what that even is), without following any religion at all. I guess what my path would be were I ever to have a child, would be to give them a good grounding in what I think morality is, what virtue and vice is and what all the major religions say about it, without ever committing to one, because no religion is perfect, in fact, no prescriptive account of morality is. But understanding why people believe what they do and ultimately, what good and sometimes bad can come of it, can help you and the child develop your own system that has quite concrete boundaries of wrong and right, but isn't bowing down to anything in particular.
So my thoughts on this are very much take-it-or-leave-it, it's up to you. Erm, I totally understand the wish to not be involved with the Christian church, (fair bit of my trauma is related too) and I also wonder whether *any* religion satisfies the moral compass I wish to have, without there being extra complications that I didn't sign up for, so to speak. Like the man in the sky thing for one, but that's just personal opinion.
Like @joeylittle said, a lot of what you seek reminded me of the Quakers, a group I've always been curious about and interested in, but haven't actually plucked up the courage to go and meet so far. There are different branches of it, some more theist than others. Some are openly agnostic about God.
The other thing that I wondered was, whether you could look into Humanism and see if any of that fits? It's sort of an anti-faith religion, which is less of an oxymoron than it first seems. Mainly atheists and agnostics, who've come together to try and find a good code to live by, some moral path, without the need to look to the supernatural as a guide or reason to behave morally. Behave morally not because 'x' says so, but because of all the good it can bring other people. They're a bit sciency though (whether that is something you want to emphasis with your child or not I dunno), but science to me is just a best-guess of how humans think the world is at the moment, so I'm a bit ambivalent about strictly holding everything to natural facts.
More Philosophical, but there's loads of morality stuff out there that has a non-theist stance. Rawls' theory of justice, JS Mill, Kant, Wolf, Lewis etc etc. There are ways to introduce the idea of developing a sound morality (and discussion of what that even is), without following any religion at all. I guess what my path would be were I ever to have a child, would be to give them a good grounding in what I think morality is, what virtue and vice is and what all the major religions say about it, without ever committing to one, because no religion is perfect, in fact, no prescriptive account of morality is. But understanding why people believe what they do and ultimately, what good and sometimes bad can come of it, can help you and the child develop your own system that has quite concrete boundaries of wrong and right, but isn't bowing down to anything in particular.
This.
Similar with religion specifically. I'm not able to write on closer to mine intersections, mil / conflict / crime & religion, but I've written heckuva lot papers on religion otherwise & I'm very no-nope about writing academia with things that even interest me, my ADHD can't be bothered. So if digging in, whatever the fashion, helps you face the beast, go for it, quite possible to excel at it. ;)
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
