It Took Me 25 Years But I Finally Did It

[Tinyflame]

I feel kind of "shy" posting in this section, but just to say, I finally told a person about 6 nasty secrets I've left unsaid to anyone for 25-26 years. I must say I tried to be brutally 101% honest, no excuses.

I had a lot of fear as to "how" I would ever manage to do it but I did, even though I almost "chickened out" at the last minute. These have been on the back (and/ or the front) of my mind all these years.

I can only thank this forum, the people and the information on it, the examples of courage and perseverance I read about every day, and the acceptance and support of the people here for helping me to get this step done. Up to maybe 10 months ago I thought I would take these secrets to the grave before I would ever utter a peep.

I am so thankful. I finally got a bit of "vicarious courage", I think. I definitely feel better, though it seems surreal.

All I can say is if I can do it, truly anybody can, because I have got to be the most stubborn, hard-headed person in the Universe. I could be a Poster-Child for the "Hopelessly Entrenched/ Un-fixable".

Thanks to everybody for the kindnesses and good advice and help that most of you don't even know you've given me, but I will never, ever forget. You have given me the courage to "peek around corners". :)

Love to all,
Meg

 

[BlankCanvas]

I feel relief for you just reading your post. What an amazing and huge leap you've taken. On a side note, when you said Poster-Child for the "Hopelessly Entrenched" I immediately thought of Peter Pan. He's not so bad :P

Thank you for sharing, these success stories are my favourite.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh BC, -Thank you.
Relief it is, you said it!!

Hey- at least P. Pan could fly, that's OK.
-Thanks for making me laugh!

Meg :smile:

 

[2quilt]

Congratulations! That took lots of courage! Reward yourself for being strong!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Great job Meg.....It takes courage to do what you did. I have always said, that those of us with PTSD are STRONG people, we just don't realize it.....

Keep up the good work, and soon you will be LOOKING down the road and not just peeking around corners........

 

[Tinyflame]

Thanks so much everyone. Most magnificent thing is that for 25 years it was not only the guilt of it but more so like a constant reminder/ reliving of pain, shame, desperation and disgust. Really wore me down!

Also, I know that sometimes they say that after the fact you think, "what was I afraid of", but it didn't feel that way. Just felt like thank God I found words and courage to tackle it already and can't believe it's over.

What amazes me is that it wasn't exactly my best/ strongest time, either.
Have to give credit- heard someone I consider a friend say (basically)
"-Don't wait 'til next year, just do it now" (in general, and that helped). Also, so bloody sick and tired of hiding and dealing with it anymore.

I am a slow learner but trying!

Thank you for all your support, always :Hug_emoticon:

 

[Claire]

Well done Meg

 

[cragger65]

Hey, way to go Meg!!! I KNOW that you've got everything it takes in order to heal. And that includes courage to spare.

Dave

 

[TL05]

Hey congrats, I know how hard it is to open up. I hope that i can find the courage to one day do the same.

I hurt so bad, but im so afraid to open up. maybe because i feel ashamed, i dont want to judge, etc. I dont know what it is.

but im happy that you have found relief

 

[Nicolette]

Well done Junebug. Letting go of a secret can be very freeing. I had a secret which I kept for 20+ years, and while the outcome of sharing it meant losing a relationship with someone, finally letting go of the secret was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I can appreciate what you are saying.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you everyone, again.

Nicolette-I do believe you understand.
I didn't even "get it over with to try to feel better" but just to get it over with, period.
I am sorry for you that it meant the loss of that friendship but I ask myself how friend-like could they be if they couldn't understand or empathisize with someone trying to be honest and resposible 20 years after the fact- especially if it brought you great relief to say it.
For me the damage was pretty much done although I am fairly certain that the person I told likely felt a loss of repect for me or thought I was/am quite "mentally unstable" perhaps to say it, but I didn't care. -Tired of feeling like a "phony". Figure it will actually aid in my stability in the long run (hopefully, lol). And I DO take into account that that might just be my distorted/ negative thoughts- they might understand a lot better than I can imagine.
Thank you-

TL05 - if I can do it, believe me anyone can. When you are ready it and the timing is right (right person, right place in your healing, desire to do it, etc) it will come.

 

[Light]

Well done; you are a very strong lady, it really fills me with happiness to know that this can be overcome one day, even after 25 years that things had been hurting you for. It's so overwhelming but it can be dealt with somehow. You did the best you can ever do and that is so brave.

Many hugs and all the best ahead.