Relationship Sometimes Enough Just Has To Be Enough. Still Struggling With Boundaries And Enabling.

[NaeNae75]

Oh, Eve...I think you may be right. It isn't okay, and I'm turning into jello. It just sucks to know how he can be, and watch him be such an ass right now. I just hate to lose the last almost 7 years of my life. It's heartbreaking.

You're right, I'm tired of having his boots rubbed off on me. I can't handle anything else...I just can't.

 

[hodge]

Hon, try not to think of the last 7 years. Instead think of the next 7. It really sounds like getting out of this sooner rather than later is the best thing. Just my opinion from what you've said.

 

[Justmehere]

wow, just wow. He has so taken you for granted. :(

You are a person worthy of great respect. This really isn't even a two way relationship anymore and I'm so sorry. It's awful. My heart breaks with you. :hug: :hug:

 

[NaeNae75]

I guess the best thing I can do for myself is take a step back right now...if for nothing else, than to regroup. I'm going to have to decide what I really want. I think eventually I may tell him what I need from him as non-negotiables. I'm not worried about it for the here and now, though...I guess. It hurts so bad right now. I'm so disappointed.

I'm so willing to sacrifice, I always have been, but I think this goes beyond that. I'm tired of having my mind messed with. I'm tired of not knowing where I stand. If a simple conversation is too much to ask for, well....than I don't have anything left to give. Not right now.

I don't want to lose our family, but I have to protect the ones I have control of, I guess. It's not going to do a bit of good if there is nothing left of me in the process. I don't think I was out of line, but he insists I am. He told me I was wrong for being quiet and "shutting down" during dinner. SERIOUSLY? He can shut down for the last month and a half, but I'm "having a hissy fit" by being quiet at dinner? For not wanting to cause a scene? If that doesn't take the cake! I don't know why it's wrong of me to be upset that we didn't even walk in the house before he was busy "running off".

I can't make him love me, even when he says he does, I guess I can't make him treat me like he does. I'm not going to beg him to stay. I just don't understand why he doesn't see how much I've given. I don't understand why it isn't enough. I don't understand why it's so hard to treat people decent. I guess he's going to get his way after all, because I'm starting to feel if I don't back away right now, I'm not going to survive. I can't do that to the rest of the kids. I just can't.

 

[NaeNae75]

Well, I wrote him a letter trying to explain how I'm feeling, especially about what happened yesterday. I posted a copy in my diary: Link Removed
If anyone wants to check it out and tell me your opinion, I welcome it. I guess at this point, I can at least use it as a learning experience. I have to be doing something wrong too, I guess. I know it might be TMI, but if it can help anyone avoid being in this situation themselves, or help find a way out of a rough patch, I don't care. I hope that it helps him understand I love him, but maybe he needs tough love from me more than enabling behavior.

But, I guess I needed to do this to stand up for myself. This may be the hardest thing I've had to do in a very long time. My heart is breaking.

 

[Silver.]

I am proud of you for sending that to him and wishing you some calm and peace :hug:
thank you for sharing that x

 

[NaeNae75]

I am proud of you for sending that to him and wishing you some calm and peace :hug:
thank you for shari...

Thank you so much....it was super hard for me. He texted me twice since, and I haven't answered. The first he said "I got your email and read through it, but want to read it again" and then "I don't have to work late today, so I can pick LK up from aftercare".....

Well, no duh. I guess if he did have to work late, that would be his problem. Apparently he thinks I'm kidding. I've never done this before....I don't think I'm kidding...um I'm not kidding....I hope. No, no I'm not kidding, I can do this....I MUST do this.

 

[Justmehere]

I am so glad you sent that letter. It was not selfish and frankly, I think a little more focus on your needs for your own sake would be really ok.

No kidding about the texts and him picking up his son instead of just assuming you would if he does work late.

Keep drawing the line. You got this. :hug:

 

[Silver.]

No, no I'm not kidding, I can do this....I MUST do this.

YES!! I wish I could give that 100 likes!
(I am snarky, I would have replied to the text that of course he was picking him up, that I was done. Kudos for you for only thinking it, I wouldn't have that kind of restraint lol)

 

[NaeNae75]

I am so glad you sent that letter. It was not selfish and frankly, I think a little more focus on yo...

You have no idea how much your opinion means to me! I am serious....I also just know it's going to take a lot for me to be able to do it...All of the strength I have left, I would imagine. BUT it is necessary. I have to do something drastic to break this cycle.

 

[EveHarrington]

Oh, Eve...I think you may be right. It isn't okay, and I'm turning into jello. It just sucks to know h...

You may not lose the last 7 years. This may just be a rough period. Who knows? Maybe your sufferer will realize just how much he misses and loves you, and how great you treated him, and end up truly changing. But you can't go on as things are as its all wearing you down too much.

Your own well being is a priority. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be appreciated.

Also, your own kids are a priority, correct? This could also be a time to focus on them. They may not see it in a good light, but setting strong boundaries and being a positive example to them is indeed best for them in the long run.

I know it's not easy, and changes like this just plain stink! I hope you can take time for yourself, engage in self care, treat yourself and do kind things for yourself. You definitely deserve it! :hug:

 

[NaeNae75]

YES!! I wish I could give that 100 likes!
(I am snarky, I would have replied to the text that of course...

OMG! You have me cracking up! Thanks for that! I didn't reply to him at all....I think engaging right now would be counter productive. I'm going to let my silence speak volumes this time.