PTSD Has Taken Over and Destroyed My Life

[3yrsPTSD]

I'm 20 years old and have had PTSD for about 3 years due to a bad highschool experience. I thought when I came to college I would be able to shake it and forget about the experience but can't. Within the last two years, I have battled debilitating and humiliating anxiety and depression. I have shared this with my family since the incident and asked for their help. Unfortunately they have refused to aid me in seeking help out of shame and embarrasment. So I have set out on my on to find help. I am hoping that this forum will help me deal with my PTSD. I feel that I am young yet as a result of the experience I am terrified of people, so I avoid social experiences as much as possible. I have tried a variety of things to control the anxiety including cutting caffeine out of my diet, and going on strange diets that would supposedly keep me calm. There was even a time when I heard that exercising reduces stress, so I would go to the gym about 3 hours a day in desperation to get rid of the depression and anxiety. Nothing has worked. I once used to be able to give talks on my work in front of hundreds of people literally, and now having a one on one conversation with a stranger is a terrifying thought.
PTSD HAS TAKEN OVER MY LIFE AND IS TRYING TO DESTROY IT.

 

[Deleted member 3]

Hi PTSD 3 yrs,

I am not the best person to address your concerns, there are others here with PTSD and more experience who can and will do that for you. What I can say is I that am sorry that you have acquired PTSD at such a young age, although the positive to that is that you are already seeking answers. This will really help you long term. Welcome to the forum, have a read, browse, ask questions (no silly questions here), vent as you need to. Take care.

 

[Andrea42]

Welcome 3yrs,
Like Kerrie-Ann i dont have PTSD either...my husband does...
but i just wanted to say that PTSD has nottaken over...and it has not destroyed your life. You are young...you have your whole life ahead of you. Like Kerrie-Ann said, it is a good sign that you are looking to help yourself and find the answers you need. Welcome aboard :-)
You will find this furom to be very helpful.

 

[anthony]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum and glad you found us. PTSD can be controlled through education. The problem with your previous efforts in regard to exercise and nutrition, is that they are about depression, not anxiety or stress. Stress is exaserbated from anxiety, where depression is by its lonesome. Those two things will help control depression, but definately not anxiety.

We can help you, providing you want to help yourself. Nobody but ourselves can fix ourselves, others can only guide us. We as sufferers must be accepting to do the work, suffer more pain in the short term to see long term gain and a life once again.

What gave you PTSD?

 

[Nam]

Hello 3yrsPTSD. I've had PTSD since July of 2004. So a little over two years. There are several of us, like you, in about the same timeframe and still "young". I consider myself young! I'm so glad that you have come forward and posted. That is a tremendous step right there.

You know what I thought was funny? That you said that your trauma was a "bad experience". Uhhhh, if it gave you ptsd, then it was much more than just bad. For me, my "experience" would be horrifying, numbing, terrifying sh*t. We around here talk like it is and exactly how we feel. No sugar coating needed.

Again, welcome. Glad you're here....and YES, you're still YOUNG! :smile:

 

[3yrsPTSD]

Reply to Comments

Thanks for the encouraging words!

I have been trying to avoid what gave me PTSD, despite being able to remember it vividly. I was like other kids who were 17. Very social, I loved meeting new people and was always up for anything new. There was this guy who also went to my school and we worked at the same place. I was very close friends with him. He had asked me out a few times, but I always told him I prefered to be friends. Well, there was a misunderstanding in what I said. Instead of giving me space he only became even more suffocating in his actions toward me. Because I was friends with him I never thought anything of it, let alone it escalating to the extent that it did.
One day we were at work one evening and upon leaving he approached me again asking why i had repeatedly turned him down. Well the conversation became heated and next thing i know he hits me in the face. He pushed me to the ground and got on top of me, continuing to punch me in the face. I don't remember anything after that having blacked out. When I woke up I was still in the parking lot so I called my parents. As soon as my parents came I told them I wanted to call the police and go the hospital. My mother said no, explaining that she didn't want word of this getting out and embarrasing her. But, my dad wanted me to press charges. To this day I regret that I never pressed charges against the guy. After the bad run-in I stayed home for a week for the bruises on my head to go down. When I did go back to school, it was sheer torture. I had to see the guy everyday, and the looks he would give me the hallway-just ate away at me. Looking back on it I should have quit my job, but I really needed the money. This was a stupid decision on my part. I thought I could avoid him at work, but our employers, unknowing about the incident, would pair us together to complete assignments. Things continued like this for a year, and within that year I noticed I had changed. I had turned into an extremely hateful, intimidatingly angry person. I had so many friends and somehow managed to cut each one of them off, one by one. By the time I graduated I was a nervous emotional wreck with no friends and no one to talk to. My mother blaming for the incident further confused me and complicated things. As I got older I began to sort things out on my own and realized I should get help. When I entered college, I continued with my hateful ways. People would constantly ask me what are you so angry about, and why are you so hateful towards people. Gladly to say I have managed to calm down in realising what was causing me to be so angry, and I have to admit things have gotten better, but are still pretty bad.

 

[3yrsPTSD]

Hi,
I posted what gave me PTSD above. Thanks for the welcome.
-3yrsPTSD

 

[anthony]

3yrs, I am glad you got that out of you... and I hope you do more off it for your own sake. What is it with parents that say stupid things like that? How exactly is their childs beating going to embarrass them? I just don't understand some people logic, in that a violent incident doesn't create embarrassment, it creates caring, it creates emotional response.... I just don't get it. Nevertheless, it happens though, and your case is another example of this.

I am sorry this happened to you 3yrs, and I personally wish that you would press charges on him now, as you probably can still. Now that your older, it may just give you some personal satisfaction and a little closure knowing that your attacker is no longer just getting away with it, and especially because it wasn't really your decision to begin with... you were coerced.

The best thing though, is that your here, helping yourself. Learning how to manage PTSD is the easy part, doing it is the hard part, and take years of practice to really perfect. A good start though 3yrs, and I am very glad your seeking help for yourself.

How does your mothers influence then, emotionally affect you now though? How does it impact on your relationship with her?

 

[3yrsPTSD]

Relationship w/ Mother

I have serious problems with my mother. I feel like I go into these "modes" where I'll remember what happened and how it screwed up my life, and I'll just break down. These are the times when I especially feel resentment towards my mom. To put it shortly, I don't trust my mother at all. I don't know how to explain it but my distrust for her has taken on a life of its own. I don't trust my mother to a degree where if she does anything kind, I actually have to think " why is she being nice to me, and what is her alterior motive". You could say I'm extremely suspicious of her and her intentions in anything she does involving me.

I want to press charges against the guy. But how would I explain the long wait since the incident. Does anyone else have problems with sleeping a lot. Despite getting 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night, I still find that I sleep 4-6 more hours during the day. Is that weird? :sleep:

 

[Farmer]

My sleeping pattern is much the same as yours, even tho I get 6 to 7 a night I need my afternoon nap. That's on a good night tho anything going the whay it should'nt and I'm staring at the ceilng, so it's not wierd at all I hope.

 

[becvan]

I have serious problems with my mother. I feel like I go into these "modes" where I'll remember what happened and how it screwed up my life, and I'll just break down. These are the times when I especially feel resentment towards my mom. To put it shortly, I don't trust my mother at all. I don't know how to explain it but my distrust for her has taken on a life of its own. I don't trust my mother to a degree where if she does anything kind, I actually have to think " why is she being nice to me, and what is her alterior motive". You could say I'm extremely suspicious of her and her intentions in anything she does involving me.

I want to press charges against the guy. But how would I explain the long wait since the incident. Does anyone else have problems with sleeping a lot. Despite getting 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night, I still find that I sleep 4-6 more hours during the day. Is that weird? :sleep:

Your not the only one with serious problems with your mother! Many of us on here (with PTSD) struggle with trust issues concerning our parents. I just went throught the maintaining healthy boundries issue over my own mother (translation: Lock the door and don't let the psycho witch in) Read some of the other threads/stories. You are not alone in these struggles.

Bec

 

[anthony]

To put it shortly, I don't trust my mother at all. I don't know how to explain it but my distrust for her has taken on a life of its own. I don't trust my mother to a degree where if she does anything kind, I actually have to think " why is she being nice to me, and what is her alterior motive".

The sleep is most likely due to one of two things:

1. You have no depression and your anxiety wears you out mentally, thus you sleep, or
2. You have depression, and depression is the answer to your over sleeping patterns.

Isn't it strange how we perceive people from within our past who have done something that was not within our best interests, in that when we move into not trusting them, generally because they have done bad, we then also perceive that trust issue into them doing anything good for us also. Good is good, bad is bad, yet our not trusting them moves our minds into both realms, regardless how they let us down.

Your trust issue is normal, and to be quite honest, nobody can tell you to trust a person, instead only you can determine that at all times. If you don't feel you can trust someone, then you don't have too. The only problem that ever is concerning, is when you have anger towards a person, because even though you may feel that response is required, the problem is, is that the effects that anger have upon us is through deterioration of ourselves, not the person we direct anger towards. This is why we must always mind the emotions below anger, where anger is the emotional response, and not an emotion itself. There are far better means to hurt people than by hurting ourselves in the process through anger, which means increased stress and anxiety...

What you feel though is normal. It just means you are human.