Depression And Death

[Ronin]

A part of me is saying "grow up" neither the trauma or the cancer is serious.

No, no - that part got wrong messages from people that should've known better, from day one.

All issues interfering with the quality of life are serious. Goes double for illness, triple for chronic one, and way multiplied for things like cancer.

It requires care, & you deserve that care. You matter. Your caretakers/parents were wrong. Everyone reinforcing you don't matter in your life, was wrong.

 

[Snowflake]

Ugh 2nd surgery on Thursday ...remove more tissue.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Snowflake I'm glad that you made a decision that was good for you. You may not feel like you are adult, but you have made some very adult and nurturing decisions lately.

1). When you were told you had breast cancer, you made the decision to have surgery. An adult decision and a nurturing one.

2) then you were told that a second surgery or longer radiation treatments. Again, an adult decision and a nurturing one.

3). Facing depression or death. You sought out opinions, you weighed the pros and cons. Another adult and nurturing decision.

In doing all of these, you have taken care of yourself, you have nurtured yourself, and basically you've said, "f*ck you" to those that denied you care as a child. You are an adult and a caring one!!!!, Don't doubt that for a minute!!!!!

 

[Snowflake]

Thanks @She Cat -I just wish I felt close to my therapist again -instead of pulling apart.

 

[Deleted member 541]

You may feel it right now, but I believe that your T and you will have a stronger relationship after this is all over.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Snowflake Just wishing you the best for tomorrow. :hug:

 

[Snowflake]

Thank you!!!! If I don't write by Friday evening I probably died. Lol

 

[hodge]

Sending healing thoughts your way for tomorrow, @Snowflake, and prayers if that's okay. More :hug:s

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[hodge]

I will light a candle for you. Hang in there and know we are here for you.

 

[Friday]

But again I feel like my trauma is being ignored, neglected and forgotten. And it's my health that's interfering -which as a child I was punished for (getting sick) - I am so needy with my therapist and I felt dealing with abuse connected me with her -now I feel more distant. Like I'm not worth it nor worth her time.

One way to look at putting your cancer first is that it IS actively working on your childhood abuse and neglect; by giving you now, what you didn't get then. You're in a health crisis. As a child that would have been ignored at best. Today it's not being ignored. As a child? You would have been punished for getting sick. Now? Your therapist is not only not punishing you, but focusing on your very real needs and wants surrounding your sickness.

 

[Snowflake]

One way to look at putting your cancer first is that it IS actively working on your childhood abuse and...

Good point @Friday -it just feels wrong/bad/uncomfortable -

Off to hospital - ugh