Relating Is Always Difficult

[Powder]

I confess I am finding relationships of all varieties to be so painful and so tiring and difficult to maintain that I am close to not wanting them.

I'm sure that I am my own worst source of the pain, because I cannot emotionally self-regulate to the point where I can tolerate much with others, but I don't have a handle on this.

I can grow other skills, but tolerating the emotional pain of being around others, how do you manage that?

For instance, I have a fear of medical people, as both parents were abusive medical people. They treat life as cheap; don't care what happens to others. I have noticed that many medical people are closed off in ways that makes them seem like sociopaths to me. Some are compassionate, but even that is scary because I have seen my folks fake that for effect.

I have learned to do what I assume is similar to CBT in which I list reasons why I should go to my Dr. and why she is trustworthy and why it is worth the stress. I then go, and I process why it was overall beneficial to go to the Dr.

Doing this for years has allowed me to develop enough trust with that Dr. to tell her about my abuse and PTSD and to keep going back to her when needed.

I have moved away, but I do the same thing here.

But it's hard to do this with personal relationships when I feel hurt, deceived in any small way, or upset with someone I love and trust. Even if the mistake made is an honest mistake or human error, I cannot get over it without taking tremendous amounts of self-talk, and I tend to get very ill and lose control of my life.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think that you are doing the best you can with what you know right now.

I can do one on one very easily but I do not do well in groups. I get restless from having to be on if you can understand what I mean. It is like I have a clock inside of me that tells me when I need to leave in spite of invitations to stay longer.

I hope that you will have the best and I wish you well.:hug:

 

[Powder]

@gizmo Me, too. I get extremely drained after a meeting at work. Meetings always drain me so much, and I can never pinpoint exactly why that is. Mostly, its having to talk in front of my colleagues and strangers, like a job interview.


Fatigue is hard to disguise. It's hard to think of my feet and talk when tired, which is often.

 

[Rani G2]

Hey

I confess I am finding relationships of all varieties to be so painful and so tiring and difficult to maintain that I am close to not wanting them.

Making steps into getting connected is very hard for me too. The reflection I get from others are not always easy to deal with. I have felt that if my own negative self perceptions are being in any verified from someone else this means I am challenged to deal with it. Its most of the time not them, but that one word maybe, look, behaviour that reflects. I dont think I have to deal with all people and their characteristics. But I fear them in a way and I dont like to expose myself to that. The more closer I can learn to look into what happens within me, the more self determined I get. I find this hard to do, and I still figäht those battles. Changes do take place though.....

 

[Powder]

Right now, I'm wondering how much more my PTSD body can take and how much more my marriage can take. Always the same questions for me.

I have Shingles again in my eye. I am on my 2nd day of no work/no energy.

Yet again, bloodwork to try to prove to the bloody Dr. that, Yes, Shingles can attack an adult in their 30s, repeatedly and not always in a massive rash.

Just before getting a job, my husband ran into another car while dropping everyone off in the dark morning. $1,000. Then, he grinds teeth, suddenly needs crowns, $2,000. He takes meds each month for his disorder but hasn't had insurance $300/month. All out of pocket, when I have literally spent my entire life savings supporting him and getting him here. And what frustrates us even more is that after taking years out to attend college, he is back doing construction anyway.

I am so stressed by the setbacks, setbacks, setbacks. I feel like he has seen taking care of me with my PTSD and emotional ups and downs as a full time job. With this last year of him not working, I have improved immensely because he is there and so helpful and supportive.

It's taking a lot of adjusting to have him go back to full time work, and have all this hit at once.

I went off all meds in June because I felt ready to not need them. Since then, all this stuff has happened and I'm coping the same without the meds as with. Shingles outbreaks when stressed. Same as before.

Had anniversary flashback to a Sept. trauma. It was brief, but I got some shingles 3 days after again.

 

[The Albatross]

Ouch Muse, all sounds very rough. Congratulations on being med free, however undertstand about the shingles outbreaks and how hard that is. Hope things level out for you all soon, like pronto. Not an easy year for me and my mister either - mostly mister this time though.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Muse ouch again, this really sucks. I know that elevated stress levels do make us vulnerable to certain things we can get.

My hope is that the increasing pay outs for things levels out for you very soon. I wish you the best with the shingles and that it goes away fast.:hug:

 

[Powder]

Seems like bad things go in threes or clusters. :eek::tdown:

Thank you both for your encouragement. I've not had any appetite since last Thursday. I guess tomorrow makes a week of hardly eating and having no energy.

The stress of dealing with an insurance agent who is not helpful...too much stress. Husband has been working overtime and in pain and not sleeping. I am just putting out fires, crying, and crashing into bed with my heart racing. Then, doing it all over again.