My Neighbours Watched While My Attackers Stamped On My Head And Cheered It On

[Rachealjane]

sorry, i wrote a little about my situation because i and felt confident for a while.
I have withdraw my story, because as i kept reading it, i was not coming across the way i wanted too.
no one has really listened to me. and is really un interested in what i have to say.
It has allways been that way, and never been any different - its not going to changed now

i get enough support knowing i am not the only one suffering from PTSD
and it nice to know that others are supporting each other.

x

 

[Deleted member 93]

Well, I will call it back out. You did a great job with your story and it was a wonderful way to start, reading it over and over is good for you, helps you process it. People have interest. Don't put yourself down as Anthony would tell you! You assume people don't have an intrest. In truth Anthony the creator of the board has a lot of irons in the fire right now. Lots of people have work during the day or family to contend with, people post from around the world here so different time zones. Me, withdrawals are kicking my ass all over and I have a 2 year old along with and 8 yo and 2 teens and a hubby who is a bit lame right now falling off the deck. And sometimes after therapy, trust me, you would be happy I do not post, a rattle snake is more warm than I am at times...

You did great putting it out there. I suggest you do it again. You had said someone had stopped the attack. There was at least one who gave a shit. I can relate a little as after my attack by an ex he came back with a friend, except that day no one stopped it. He and more his friend beat me and took my two babies who are now teens. My neighbors did not hate me. They saw it. No one would come forward to witness. Not even my neighbor who I did not even know. I was reclusive. I can relate and wanted to comment more but you pulled your post before I got back to it. Put it back, it was a very important step to take and you did take it. You can do it again!

 

[becvan]

Rachael:

I am interested but sometimes I don't post about things right away. Many of us need time to absorb what we read and formulate answers otherwise we just go off into left field!!

As for your trauma, that was a great start. I went through a similar situation myself. I was sexually assualted when I was a teen and had about 20 people watching or cheering. It's very difficult to trust people after an experience like that.. and it's very difficult to share with others. (i'm only sharing this so that you can see that although we all have various experiences, we also have many similarities... so for anyone else.. no I am not ready to discuss this, thank you and Anthoney store this one for later!

Pat yourself on the back. You gave it a great shot! Just give us all a little time to reply!

Bec

 

[kimG]

I read your story and was very interested in it. I could relate to a lot of it and what you were feeling.

I was very shocked and amazed at you deleting it because you thought no one was interested in it. I can understand the anticipation of wanting a reply to a post and then the let-down of not getting it in the time frame you would like. It has happened to me and I'm sure it has happened to so many more on this board. I can also understand the feeling that no one is interested in what you have to say; I've been feeling that way all my life and it's one of the hurdles I have to work hard to overcome. Believe me, every day I stand before my students and feel like I'm talking to the back wall...LOL.

However I, like everyone else on this board, have a life outside of this board. While I did read your story, I was also getting ready for the classes I will teach tomorrow. I made 2 quizzes up for the kids to take. I wrote my lesson plans and then made PowerPoint presentations to go with each. That was after I refreshed my memory on what I taught last week and Monday because, with PTSD, my memory ain't so hot anymore. Was I busy? Yes.

Unfortunately, I did not have time to respond before you took it off. If you put it back on, I can and will respond. Unfortunately with PTSD my memory is shot, so I can't even recall something my husband told me an hour ago, much less important details I read several hours ago (also, I do not learn by seeing; I learn by hearing and doing).

Another problem is that we all live in different places and different time zones. While I don't know yet where you are located, I do know that Anthony's time zone is 15 hours ahead of mine, so often he's a day ahead of me. Just within the US there are 6 different time zones (I think there's 6 when we include Hawaii). Plus there are people who live across "the pond" and are at least 4 - 6 hours behind my time zone.

All I and others on the board are asking is to give us time.

We do care about you and the trauma you went through. We relate to your feelings and want to help you with them. We understand your frustration and will listen to the rants, raves, cries, shouts, screams, cuss words, and anything else you throw at us (well...not literally throwing).

Besides, you took the very hardest step of all; you told your story to someone instead of keeping it a secret. Now, put it back on and let us help you process through it...

Don't forget, we're here for you. Just give us time...

 

[anthony]

Racheal,

I didn't even get to read your story... but I will not apologise for that, as I have so many things to read and do. I want to read your story though, but you are making assumptions upon others, assumptions you do not have the right to make. Let me point them out (doing so because I am interested in your well being by the way):

no one has really listened to me. and is really un interested in what i have to say.

You said above, "no one has really listened to me", which if were true, then these responses here would not exist now if NO ONE has listened to you. You are using what is called overgeneralizing, which is typical of those with PTSD. Presumptious words such as "always" or "never" and those type words which include everything.

It has allways been that way, and never been any different - its not going to changed now

In the above here, not only have you used the standard overgeneralization, but now also incorporating negative thinking as well, by saying "its not going to change now" type remarks. Another typical trait of PTSD.

Racheal, we are here for you and it is your choice what you post and what you do not. The community cannot help you, if you do not want to help yourself. Please remember that, because only you can help yourself, we can only guide you and provide feedback, we cannot solve your trauma for you, that is your role.

Racheal, please don't make assumptions about myself, and I dare say I can speak on behalf of the community, and say not to make assumptions about what others think. Why? Because I tell them the same thing as I am telling you, and hopefully you will see exactly what they have seen... is that help does exist, everyone here does care, everyone here does want to help one another.... but remember, only you can help yourself.

 

[Deleted member 3]

Rachealjane,

We care. Anthony and I wouldn't have bothered with this forum if we didn't. The rest of the community, I am certain, feels the same way. We are all here to support each other get past the pain and anguish of PTSD to hopefully live 'normal' (whatever the hell that is) productive lives. Remember that most of this community has people with PTSD...........therefore, you won't always get a response straight away....that's just the nature of the beast.

 

[Miander]

I care too.

rachealjane - I care too! I am in the process of writing my story down and I know how hard it is. I am so sorry that you went through the difficulty of writing it all to only feel unnoticed or cared about :mad: Please know that you are wrong, many people care and how can people read your story and support you if you've deleted it? We are here, and we do care.

 

[Andrea42]

Hi Rachaeljane,

I have withdraw my story, because as i kept reading it, i was not coming across the way i wanted too

So start over... You have taken the first step already...you signed up for this forum in hopes that you can be understood and listened too.. unfortunately we haven't had the chance (if i would have have known there was time frame for your story and you would feel the need to take it down) I would have been one of the first to read it along with many others...

But I never got the chance...i dont think it was fair of you to delete it...Time is a HUGE thing on this forum...there are people on here from all over the world! :( Kimg's post makes complete sense... she couldnt have explained things better...with all the different time zones and places in the world... we are not all able to recieve posts at the same time. I sometimes wait days...its normal.

I am on the forum during my work hours usually so its hard to me to sit here and read everything all at once while working (if i get caught, i will get written up) at times, i read posts and i think about them for a while and come back and reply then...I dont sit here and write meaningless replies just to look like i participate or so that someone can feel they are understood when maybe i just cannot understand...but theres always someone else who will understand where you are coming from.....
I prefer to think it over (like most people on here do) and then express how i feel, what i think, and so on when the time is right for me... So please understand that while its normal to feel the way you are feeling, do not say nobody is interested. Thats not fair.. Me for example, I am interested but i do not suffer from PTSD so i cannot completely understand what you are going through (i am here to learn and support) BUT my husband will understand you, and Anthony, KimG, and Veiled and everyone else who suffers from PTSD will understand in some way.

KimG couldnt have pointed this out better. and its so true!!

I was very shocked and amazed at you deleting it because you thought no one was interested in it. I can understand the anticipation of wanting a reply to a post and then the let-down of not getting it in the time frame you would like.

lol i laugh because my husband (who has PTSD) told me this just the other day! I thought it was kinda weird, but at the same time i understand how much something can mean to a person when they are in a bad place in their life and they need to feel cared for.
Try to be patient, i promise you will get what you need out of this forum. Give it a chance. It makes me sad that you "lost confidence" and even trust.
We are not here because we work for Anthony and Kerrie-Ann and its our job to care. We are all here because we want to be here.. to listen, understand and help each other.

I think you should try and start over... repost your story. Tell it whichever way you feel most comfortable.... it can be a paragraph long or 10 paragraphs long! does not matter. You say as much/ or as little as you need to let out for starters.

Once you become comfortable here and learn to trust and know that we do care it will be much easier to communicate ..and right now thats important. That we all communicate.
because I and everyone else in this forum care.
Hey maybe you were just having one of those days? and you were feeling crappy and you took it out on the forum, because you didnt get the attention you needed at the moment and you deleted your post... its ok, we all have those days ya know? :)

Well my lunch is over, gotta go back to work...
But i hope to hear from you Rachaeljane :)

 

[Nam]

I'm interested to. Welcome Rachealjane. Speak your mind whatever mood you're in. We take you as you are. Besides, writing your story helps. And if you want to go back and edit, that's great, but don't delete! All of this is a process and most of us don't like what we write to begin with. I felt like it was so hard to write how I felt and what happened and not make it a novel. There's no way to describe the pain in just a few paragraphs, but it IS worth it. To try. I encourage you. We are here.

 

[Rachealjane]

Thanks for your support everyone!

firstly just to let you all know, that i did not mean that none of you guy's were not interested. i was just typing and was in my own world at that time over thinking of things of the past, hence, my PTSD and i was refering to all i have tried to talk to in the past, ie. doctors, therapists, freinds, family. i really am going through a really terrible time at the moment, i cant say 'the worst its ever been' because it is not, flashes, feelings and otherthings just come jumping right back at me when i dont expect it and lasts for months, years. i still cannot talk about what happened to me without becoming extremely tearfull - 6 years later.

My story to how it happend is still very disturding to me.

My PTSD is confusing too!

There have been so many trauma's in my life starting with the day i was born right up until now. I started suffering from PTSD from a very early age from 1 trauma, then another trauma, then another trauma - and each traumatic experience, (which are very many - some i could not, would not, be allowed to write?) just added PTSD to every PTSD i already had - i really hope i making sense?

I will get back to writing what happend to me and telling my story again, but really, sorry, i did not mean no one care in this forum, infact i know the opposite, i could not meet more understanding people than yourselves, and i dont trust a sole in my life, anyone who i meet face to face, maybe one day that will change - who knows? but i honestly can say, i feel honoured that you want me to put my story back and feel i trust all of whom are here suffering the same thing.

For the first time in over ten years, since finding this site/forum, i dont feel alone and feel i have friends to turn too! :smile:

Thank you all

 

[kimG]

Welcome RachealJane! It's good to have you back! I am very much looking forward to hearing more from you and getting to know you.:smile:

 

[Nam]

For the first time in over ten years, since finding this site/forum, i dont feel alone and feel i have friends to turn too!

That's the way we all feel. I believe that we are all friends here. We all have a connection with each other. We say the truth, we support, and we're here. That's the best friends possible! I love this site too. I think Anthony is going to laugh, but I think this site cured me! (Did I just say that?? Yes, I did!) :smile: