What I Really Want To Ask My Therapist

[Scandinavgirl]

~ Do you think its ok I am still seeing you? Or do you think I am complaining and weak?

~ Do you fear I am a bad mother because of my childhood?

~ Do you see my shame?

~ Do you think there is something important I am not telling you?

~ Do you believe in me?

Anything you want to ask your therapist about, but not dearing? Have any been thinking the same things as me?

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Those are great questions to ask your T, @Scandinavgirl! I also think you might ask yourself the same questions, and see if your own answers change over time as you continue with therapy.

I'm going to ponder the idea of what questions, how I would phrase them, I would ask my T if I really dared to ask. I'll reply after sitting with this prompt for a little bit. Good post!

Hang in there, Scan. By the way, I don't even know you but I do not automatically think you are a bad mother because of your own childhood!

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Do you feel sorry for me because of what I've been through?

Do you believe me, or do you think there is something else wrong with me(like I'm crazy or something) and you are trying to figure it out and help me deal with that?

I guess I always had issues with people believing what I've been through, since it feels so surreal to me to(and way too vivid and real at the same time.)

 

[watundah]

What do you really think and feel about me?

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

What would you do if you were me? How would you help yourself get bettter?

 

[ShodokanJenn]

What makes you think I can actually beat this and come out not just alive, but whole and well?

What is it like to live without PTSD? (I have exactly one memory before the trauma started when I was 3)

Don't you get frustrated by the fact that I've spent 5 of the last 6 years seeing you, and I'm still not better?

 

[Naoru]

I actually ask my t whatever comes to mind, many of which have been very similar to yours: How differently do you think of me now compared to when we first met? Do you believe me? Is there really hope? Is my healing truly possible?

... and others more along the lines of: Do you actually practice what you preach? What do you get out of this? Are you sure you aren't the crazy one? ;)

She has been caught quite off guard at times as I do not have much of a verbal filter, but she has yet to reject any of my questions. We do joke a lot so many are just in good fun. I also suspect there hasn't been much she hasn't heard before.

I'm with @Lola Nocheprieta - these sound like excellent questions you could really ask your t. Helps build the relationship, IMO.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Anything you want to ask your therapist about

I really like this thread, thanks for starting it!

I actually ask my t whatever comes to mind...
I'm with @Lola Nocheprieta - these sound like excellent questions you could really ask your t. Helps build the relationship, IMO

And I'm with Naoru AND Lola :) I have tried very very hard to tell or ask my therapist anything and everything that comes to my mind, embarrassing or self-conscious or whatever... I suppose I shouldn't say from the *very* start, because I had worked with several therapists and I had never felt comfortable enough to ask what is the most fundamental thing to me: "Are you mad at me?" This is a big fear of mine - that I might have done something bad without realizing it and therefore everyone is angry at me or hates me. My fear is that I am a bad person.

In a way it's a humiliating question but at this point, years of therapy - well why sit there worrying about it. So I ask, he's endlessly patient with me on this (as far as he lets me see!:) and the general answer is something like "What? Of course not!" and we move on.

But that has made me feel safe to go into some of those deeper questions, too. Sometimes I question whether he thinks I'll ever get better, what he sees in me diagnosis-or symptom-wise or if he notices anything else about my life that I should be thinking about, or at least be aware of.

I strongly suggest you consider asking your therapist these questions you've got here... I think it would be a good idea if you printed these out or wrote them down, so if you find yourself unable to get down to it, you can pass along a piece of paper.

Well... hold on... my suggestion to ask does depend upon how long have you been seeing this particular therapist, and if you really trust him/her? I just found it a boundary. I tell Mike the most awful things, sometimes funny, sometimes not (for example, how many times I ended up on a "walk of shame" in college - that's a mixed-feelings one!). If I stay un-edited on everything, I find it somewhat easier to address some of the deeper questions as they come up. The last potential problem is that he is a he and I am a she... With that I try to remember, not only has he seen me at my absolute worst, I don't think I'm going to surprise him - I imagine he's heard it all before...and if I somehow come up with something new, he has the training to deal with it properly.

I'm sorry if I'm out of line here - I know you're not asking specifically for advice in this thread but it is what immediately came to my mind when I read your post.

I'm impressed that you were able to put these vital questions into writing, right here - the OP and other responders here. It seems like an important step, to me - a chance to add to and enhance your therapy, and a way to start talking about some issues where you need the most help.

 

[Scandinavgirl]

Those are great questions to ask your T, @Scandinavgirl! I also think you m...

Thank u! I agree..I think I need to ask my therapist the first question, because i am afraid to be a burden, to be unwanted. And I will look at the questions from time to time, see if anything changed. Great tip!

 

[Scandinavgirl]

I really like this thread, thanks for starting it!
And I'm with Naoru AND Lola :) I have tried very...

Thank u for your answer. I have been seeong this therapist for little more than a year, but only like once a month. Last session we were more «friendly» than before, talking to eachother like to equal individuals. Earlier I guess I have looked on him like an authority figure. It made me wonder if maybe I am ready to ask him some questions more directly, like an fellow grown-up. It may sound strange, but....

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

What about asking ourselves these questions, NOT to beat ourselves up but in a compassionate and curious state of mind? And seeing if the answers change over time?

Examples:

Do I think I'm a bad person? Shameful? Why? How did I get that idea/feeling?

Do I believe in myself? Do I like myself?

I'm certainly hoping my answers change over time, with more therapy!

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Okay, <deep breath> here goes:

Below is what I would consider asking my T, despite feeling foolish, or ashamed, or "bad" for wanting attention or pity or reassurance. But I also feel like asking her certain questions would be redirecting the work away from our focus, as a way of avoiding talking directly about the memories, so I may wind up asking some of these questions, and some not. Anyway, here are my questions:

Do you like me as a person? Do you think if we had met outside of t, if you weren't my T, we would be friends? [I know it's impermissible, but I have a bit of transference with my T, I really, really like her, not in an erotic way, but a bit of idealization and longing for someone like her in my life]

Do you believe me, do you believe what I'm telling you happened to me? [I'm with @SeekingAfrica. I'm afraid no one will believe all these things really happened to me, that it was really that bad, yet I lived through it, and no one knew. I dodged a lot of bullets like addiction and a life of prostitution and my life looks so good on the outside, Because I'm "high functioning," and you can't "tell" where I've come from, I'm just always afraid people will think I'm making it up or exaggerating it.]

Do you think it was fate that I never had kids of my own [my wife & I raised her little sister], like maybe I would have either been a bad mom or not been able to protect him/her from abuse? Do you think I would have been a good mom?

If I tell you this one terrible thing about me, will you think I'm sick and disgusting? Will it change how you look at me? How will you be able to stay non-judgmental?

Do you think I exaggerate my pain to get attention?

Do you think I get in the way of my own healing? Do you get frustrated with me?

Do you think I am too needy, especially too needy or dependent on you?

Does it bother you when I call or email, like, I'm not in enough of a crisis to take up your time? Do I do this too frequently? For the wrong reasons? Don't you think that now that we are on a weekly schedule I should be able to go a week without needing to reach out to you, and just wait until next session?

I guess it all come down to this:

Am I worthy of your time and attention, your caring and compassion?