Can't Feel...

[Overcoming]

This might sound crazy, at least it does to me, but I was challenged by my T to "let myself feel." The problem is, that I'm not sure how to get to that place. For so long I have repressed memories and emotions, dissociated, and overall tried to be numb to my past to keep it there, in the past. It's led to depression, anger, and other issues at this point. I can't seem to keep a lid on it any longer. Whenever I try to recollect a difficult memory, I have a few responses: 1.) Either my mind, or my mouth (if I'm alone when it happens) begins screaming, "No! No! No!" Until I move on to something else., 2.) I get really angry, feel ashamed, and get the impulsive urge to self-harm. (and swear, and scream), 3.) I get upset, because I can't remember things clearly anymore. Sometimes new things resurface, and then there are major blanks in the timeline of events. This was only 9 years ago. Why are things so hard to recall?

All that to say, how do you go "through" your emotions, rather than avoiding them? How have you taught yourself to feel again?

 

[Silver.]

I would start by watching videos. The sad, heartwarming, gut wrenching videos that make you cry because the ending is so unbelievably happy that it's a good cry.
Something easy and simple to do seeing you are online now.
It's a good task your T gave you, I hope that you can find some resolution.

 

[Friday]

All that to say, how do you go "through" your emotions, rather than avoiding them? How have you taught yourself to feel again?

Some I can't, & don't.

Others? Small pieces, targeted direction (aka things I'd actually want to feel), limited duration, and backup... To lock shit down if it ends up being too out of control.

 

[Kolten]

I can't stress enough how important it is to focus on YOU. By doing that you will be able to come to a place where u can emotionally feel things again slowly and want to. You stop being scared of the future and being hurt or go thru further trauma. That's why we numb ourselves to most emotions and have a tendency of liking to keep it that way. This doesn't work long term and causes serious depression issues. Have u tried doing daily positive affirmations for yourself when u wake up? Read positive quotes or ones on pushing and fighting harder. Be OK with you being where you are in your journey. Dont be defined by PTSD. Things will improve if u work really hard at being mindful of them. Its not easy but so doable. May not seem that way today and I get that. But one small step at a time makes huge progress. Focus on being the best YOU that YOU can be. A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step my friend...

 

[Naoru]

Little teeny tiny bits at a time? In a safe environment?

I avoid and numb like no one's business so I am afraid I'm not much help ... the good or the bad ... I start to feel and I'm out! I had one tear fall in a session recently - a legit tear and the only one since I was a kid. I finally felt pain, and I was so absorbed in what we were doing that I hadn't realized what happened until we "came down" and acknowledged it at the end.

That is all I can really go off of to contribute. As with anything else, little steps?

 

[GenerousMoon]

I am having the same problem, no emotional feelings. my therapist advised me to watch a sad movie. i have not found a movie that can make me cry. still looking!