In the US (and it's probably the same as in the UK), what you describe is the major flaw in the syst...
@joeylittle thanks for your post. Sorry it's take a while to respond. And apologies it this post gets a little lost.
From your description it seems I experience chronic passive ideation.
I hope to look into it. I say hope as I feel I have this destructive/death drive in me right now and it's hard to fight it.
I am either very anxious and self harming or collapsed/playing dead - I literally have a sense of dead weight in my body. I say, I, but often feel it's not entirely me. I've never been assessed for a dissociative disorder but the more I start to experience how I'm working or not! the more I think I might have one.
I recognize the above as flight and freeze responses. I simply don't know or have forgotten how to deal with them. (The black out switch being hit seems to have happened a lot over the last few years) The only way that seems to keep appearing is death related.
'I'd never lose control and act compulsively'.
I also thought that until earlier this year. Before I joined the forum I ended up in hospital because I was actively suicidal. Although I had been passively suicidal I would have never imagined getting to that point. I always felt this barrier, maybe like a railing that would stop me. Niw it seems the railing isn't there. It scares me that I'm seem to be progressively sliding along the spectrum getting worse.
I have spoken to my GP. He's nice enough but can't offer much except tell me to go to the A&E if I feel I'm going to make an attempt.
The trauma therapist: EMDR person didn't say anything when I explained last week that I'm having a lot of passive ideation and more often it's becoming active. She ask if it was active during our meeting, I said no and that was the end of that!
I just feel like I'm slipping away, even from myself.:(
