This may seem like a ramble of sorts but I'm diving in.
I am thinking today about how mundane things become big things in therapy and how I am stymied by what seems so insignificant. But maybe they aren't insignificant afterall, but a matter of learning to ask for what you need.
I am 4.5 years with my T. We have had some big issues along the way which we work through and move on. This has been good for me who usually cuts ties and runs. Yay, I am growing, seeing value in our relationship, learning trust and so on.
Today, I am thinking about two things.
Eye contact. I have to really work on this with most people. One thing I've learned is that I have excellent eye contact when listening, but look away when talking. In therapy, eye contact is extra difficult, probably because the focus is all me. I make an effort to look at her and over time it's becoming easier but still consists of fleeting glances. So intense and vulnerable. One time she did an experiment where she held up her index finger and asked me to follow the finger with my eyes as she moved it closer to her face. I felt overwhelmed like an abused dog at the animal shelter! In my heart, I know she is good and kind, yet this simple exercise took me by the knees.
Seating location. We used to sit on the floor facing each other, then she got a tiny table in front of the couch so I retreated back to the couch without saying I'd like to go back to the floor. I know she would have done it. Then a month or two ago she tried sitting across the room with her chair turned slightly away and asked me if I preferred that. I said, no, it was silly, so she came back at about a 45 degree angle about 5 feet away.
A month or two ago, she began sitting directly across from me. I liked that. However, we both went to see a trauma expert speak recently and he said never sit across from your client as it forces eye contact. Well, she moved back to the 45 degree angle position last week.
The issue at hand is, no matter where she sits, I will make dodgy, quick eye contact, so chair positions seem irrelevant to me, but in the case of intimacy, neediness, child-like wants, I prefer her directly across from me.
And today I want to ask her to move back. For some reason, this simplest of requests feels very big to me! I get a lot of comfort from knowing she is kind of in my interpersonal space bubble.
I know the extroverted contingent here will say, "just tell her!" but the inner child part seems to hide behind the knees of the invisible mother and finds it so hard to make this simple ask.
Can anyone else relate to the "take the world" attitude wilting into "shy kindergartener" once you walk into your Ts office? She told me that is the part that shows up because it's the part that needs to heal but she sure gets in my way sometimes.
I am thinking today about how mundane things become big things in therapy and how I am stymied by what seems so insignificant. But maybe they aren't insignificant afterall, but a matter of learning to ask for what you need.
I am 4.5 years with my T. We have had some big issues along the way which we work through and move on. This has been good for me who usually cuts ties and runs. Yay, I am growing, seeing value in our relationship, learning trust and so on.
Today, I am thinking about two things.
Eye contact. I have to really work on this with most people. One thing I've learned is that I have excellent eye contact when listening, but look away when talking. In therapy, eye contact is extra difficult, probably because the focus is all me. I make an effort to look at her and over time it's becoming easier but still consists of fleeting glances. So intense and vulnerable. One time she did an experiment where she held up her index finger and asked me to follow the finger with my eyes as she moved it closer to her face. I felt overwhelmed like an abused dog at the animal shelter! In my heart, I know she is good and kind, yet this simple exercise took me by the knees.
Seating location. We used to sit on the floor facing each other, then she got a tiny table in front of the couch so I retreated back to the couch without saying I'd like to go back to the floor. I know she would have done it. Then a month or two ago she tried sitting across the room with her chair turned slightly away and asked me if I preferred that. I said, no, it was silly, so she came back at about a 45 degree angle about 5 feet away.
A month or two ago, she began sitting directly across from me. I liked that. However, we both went to see a trauma expert speak recently and he said never sit across from your client as it forces eye contact. Well, she moved back to the 45 degree angle position last week.
The issue at hand is, no matter where she sits, I will make dodgy, quick eye contact, so chair positions seem irrelevant to me, but in the case of intimacy, neediness, child-like wants, I prefer her directly across from me.
And today I want to ask her to move back. For some reason, this simplest of requests feels very big to me! I get a lot of comfort from knowing she is kind of in my interpersonal space bubble.
I know the extroverted contingent here will say, "just tell her!" but the inner child part seems to hide behind the knees of the invisible mother and finds it so hard to make this simple ask.
Can anyone else relate to the "take the world" attitude wilting into "shy kindergartener" once you walk into your Ts office? She told me that is the part that shows up because it's the part that needs to heal but she sure gets in my way sometimes.
