I understand. Completely.
It sounds to me like you really want to change and you will. :)
Oh I work on being honest, in a myriad of small ways, every single day.
My T says that "manipulate" is just a word and it's not, necessarily bad. He says he thinks of it like math. People 'manipulate' numbers all the time.
I don't know that I see that as changing manipulation into diplomacy but, to me, it changes any interaction from "not ok" to "ok". Respect for the other person and their needs and wants. That doesn't mean either of you always get your way. It just means respect. And, in a good relationship, that should be mutual respect.
That's a hard thing to come back from! But it was bravely done. Maybe when you did it you didn't know what it might, or would, cost. (Most people wouldn't) And, I think we have a tendency to believe, or want to believe, that 'doing the right' isn't something we have to pay a price for. Often the price is huge, like it was for you. And yet, you saved the lives of your family, true? Sadly, the real world is messy. There's often a price to be paid for doing 'the right thing'. There's even disagreement on what the right thing is. All we can do is the best we can to support the values we ascribe to.
Since when is being manipulated and lied to ok?
That's not what he said and it wasn't his point. First, there's nothing there about lying, either for or against. His point was that 'manipulating' is something people, pretty much all people, do to get their perceived needs met. If you want someone to like you, for example, you might go out of your way to be nice to them. Even that is a form of manipulation, but it's not necessarily bad.
I guess it just depends on the person. I'm nice because I know what it is to have people be mean to me. I don't do it to manipulate.
