I Feel Like I'm Starting To Lie To My Family

[anonymous]

I'm starting to lie to my family about how I'm doing. I know they are worried about me. I am not recovering in the way they want or that I want.
They have been a tremendous support to me. I am fearful that I will lose my job but I am not capable of working and I'm not sure when I will be. I feel like I've turned my whole life upside down.
I've tried really hard to make progress and was trying to get back to work and life, but the truth is I'm not ready and I don't know when I will be.
I'm scared. I'm anxious. I'm depressed.
I have a good T who helps me a lot, but I know this is a battle I sort of have to fight on my own. It feels like I take 2 steps forward and 8 back.
My confidence is gone. My self esteem is at an all time low.
I like to be the person to take care of others. I like to laugh and have fun. I don't know where that person is right now.
I'm sick and tired of thinking about this and about worrying people and getting their pity. So when they text, I say, I'm okay when I'm not. I say I'm napping when I'm really shaking.
I eat because I know its necessary but I have no appetite. My big accomplishment today was taking a shower.
There's a part of me that believes if I just keep saying I'm okay rather than tell the truth, it will start to become true. Fake it until I make it?
I feel like I'm grieving for my former self. I have so much to be grateful for. I want to change my brain so badly. Maybe the old me is no more and I need to focus on finding a new me.
I've acquired many tools over the years. they just don't seem to be working right now. Maybe I'm expecting too much. A magic pill.
Maybe my old life is gone. How will I know?

 

[Freedomfighter]

I'm starting to lie to my family about how I'm doing. I know they are worried about me. I am not re...

The best way of not getting caught up with the sadness we feel about our old life is to go towards the new one. Even if I mess up I still find the strength to think about the future life I want to lead, the future career that I really want to be in, all that.

I do not answer to most questions about how I feel truthfully, because when you do not accept insincere requests then it gets easier. I only answer people that are sincere, that have no second thoughts, that are respectful. The other ones can stick it where the sun don't shine.

 

[The Albatross]

So are you lying or are you people pleasing? Why?

 

[The Albatross]

Relate to the "magic pill" however far and away better in the longer term is to endeavoring to learn how to deal with adversity 101, 102, 103 (in life, after all we all will get some). If I am in difficulty, it is my responsibility to assess it, examine it, choose a direction and actualize it... IF (big 'if') I really want something to change rather than just "feeling".

 

[Justmehere]

Lying and people pleasing are both forms of avoidance.

What about trying something difference and dipping your toe in the water of letting a few people know a tiny amount that you are struggling? It doesn't haven to be everything you share with your therapist.

Sometimes people ask how someone is doing when they know someone is not ok because they are trying to give them an opening to ask for help.

Some people would rather know a person is struggling and help them, even just listen to them, than to be told they are all ok when they are not.

Chances are, your family is picking up on something being amiss already.

 

[aut555]

Do you think meds might help temporary to get you to a better mind space? When l couldn't move past particular thoughts like yours,had a temp prescription for a couple of months and then l felt ready to deal with the day to day things. But before that, everything was a struggle and l did work but l could barely do anything else.

 

[anonymous]

So are you lying or are you people pleasing?

I think I'm avoiding.

We just changed one med so hopefully it is helping. I think it got me through some tasks and out the door even though my mood had not lifted. Part of that can be the thyroid which I'm also dealing with. We will look at the ssri next month. I think the klonopin got me out the door. The rest of me will come back one day I know.