I hate that you act like you care and then you don't. I hate that I put myself out there only to be reminded of how worthless this trauma has made me. I hate you PTSD for making my life a living hell. You torture me day in and day out. You keep me like a prisoner in chains; you will never let me escape. I hate that you make me relive the worst moment of my life over and over and OVER again. WHY?
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General The Angry Thread
- Post starter LizardViolet
- Start date
- Status
- Moderator
- #146
Sweetpea76
VIP Member
I shouldn't have told you to blow it out your ass... But seriously, blow it out your ass!!!!!
I hate that my world can come crashing down in a moments notice. I hate that I want to believe in good things happening, that even though repeatedly I have been shown that things fall apart. But like a complete fool, every damn time, I get my hopes up that everything will be ok. Or for f*cks sake, maybe better than ok, maybe great. I try so hard to get things right.
Sami - sadwife
New Here
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.
Sami - sadwife
New Here
Never says the words "I'm sorry". Makes me flippin crazy. Can't convince him how powerfully diffusing those two words would be for me. Not only is he never wrong, but the few times he admits he is, he makes excuses. And something tells me he thinks those excuses are an apology. They are not. My kingdom to hear you say, just once, "I'm sorry."
Sami - sadwife
New Here
How do you expect me to be happy and supportive when you give me no rope, no patience, when you snap at me for every stupid little thing ever? I'm trying really hard not to just shut down on you, but it's not easy. You're mean to me and I'm supposed to sit back and be patient with you and not be mad at your attitude.
DUDE. PTSD doesn't make you unfaithful. PTSD doesn't make you a compulsive liar. How many times do I have to tell you that the truth would be 12303498x better than a bull shit lie that I am going to weasel out of you anyway? You KNOW I've been cheated on. You KNOW I've been in an abusive relationship. I know you have PTSD. I research, I post here, I try things.....but can you try not to talk to keep **** out of your phone? Every time it goes off I wonder. Every time I see something there's an excuse. I DON'T CARE! I honestly don't think you've slept with anyone else. Maybe you have. But why should I have to wonder? At times, I feel you don't deserve me but I want you to. Can't you just commit already? We're already playing all the roles a family does. F*** I don't even know if you want to be together for the rest of our lives. We could never talk about something so serious, right? Especially not if you're sober. Btw STOP DRINKING EVERY DAY! You act like you don't mind dying of liver failure but why do you want kids so bad if you just plan to die on them? Please keep your counseling appointments and at least try the new meds............
Beautifulmess
Bronze Member
Let it out! So sorry you are feeling so angry and frustrated. It can be really hard to trust after being hurt. I hope you are taking good care of yourself right now . 
I am so friggin angry that cause they f*cked me so inside out I became something that was barely human and wasnt able to take education nor work. I lost so many valuble years of the first part of my life.
Im so so so so so so angry that my daddy dearest tried to f*ck me again at 27 years of age so I went into a new trauma that caused me more vaubale years of my life to again be barely human fighting to stay alive with a sound mind.
Im so mad Im so angry Im so insane about this f....d up country I live in that hasnt done a shit to offer me help when I pleaded and begged on my knees to process this and give me the oportunity and the chanse to move on. That its all on me and myself and I to process what this assholes did to me. To process makin a life of all this on my own with out the necesarrliy tools to do so.
Im so out of my mind angry that today Im so resourseful as I am with out having a job. Living so far under poverty line I barely survive. I cant live the life I want and deserved and so much yearn for. That I have to fight fight fight always fight to stay alive. Being so strong. Always on the barricades doing all I can to move forward but still stuck in frigging now where.
I dont deserve a shit life like this. I dont deserve wakin up in the morning being afraid of being thrown out of the safety of my house cause I cant pay rent. I dont deserve to not being able to use my skills my knowledge my lust for working and my eagerness and my engagment. To not be able to be a resource also to aid others.
I dont deserve to live in this shit hole.
Im so so so so so so angry that my daddy dearest tried to f*ck me again at 27 years of age so I went into a new trauma that caused me more vaubale years of my life to again be barely human fighting to stay alive with a sound mind.
Im so mad Im so angry Im so insane about this f....d up country I live in that hasnt done a shit to offer me help when I pleaded and begged on my knees to process this and give me the oportunity and the chanse to move on. That its all on me and myself and I to process what this assholes did to me. To process makin a life of all this on my own with out the necesarrliy tools to do so.
Im so out of my mind angry that today Im so resourseful as I am with out having a job. Living so far under poverty line I barely survive. I cant live the life I want and deserved and so much yearn for. That I have to fight fight fight always fight to stay alive. Being so strong. Always on the barricades doing all I can to move forward but still stuck in frigging now where.
I dont deserve a shit life like this. I dont deserve wakin up in the morning being afraid of being thrown out of the safety of my house cause I cant pay rent. I dont deserve to not being able to use my skills my knowledge my lust for working and my eagerness and my engagment. To not be able to be a resource also to aid others.
I dont deserve to live in this shit hole.
Posting this actually made me feel worse afterwards.
- Moderator
- #155
Sweetpea76
VIP Member
You're allowed to be pissed off.
Some days I feel like going crazy.
When I'm around you I usually put this positive attitude mask on, because you told me that telling you how I'm feeling (example: writing I miss you) gives you pressure.
So I don't show my emotions.
But that doesn't mean that they are not there. It just means that I let them out when I am home alone. When I am in the car alone. When I am at the gym letting steam off.
When I told you I'm hurting inside because of your lack of affection, you tell me that I don't know what real pain is.
Yes I get it, and I understand that what happened to you and your current health problems are a loooot worse than any emotional pain may ever be, but that doesn't make my pain go away.
When I met you, you told me about your whole life.
You were the most loving person I ever met and on some days I wondered how to show you as good as you show it to me, how much I love you.
Then came the back pains.
Yes I know that you'd like to cry every morning after a pretty sleepless night, waking up with extreme back pain. And I get that this is pure pressure on you, and I know how your past makes you react to pressure, with irritability and emotional numbness.
And I will stay by your side through those times that you're in pain, no matter how much I miss your affection that you showed me before you had those back pains.
Because I know that it has nothing to do with me. Because you always tell me it's nothing to do with me, only with your pains and your health.
It's just that I miss feeling loved, appreciated and that you want nothing more than being near me.
I just miss that.
I hope it will be like this again, when your back pains vanish.
If I could I would take those pains on me, you had to suffer enough in your life, it's not fair that you have to deal with those health problems now.
When I'm around you I usually put this positive attitude mask on, because you told me that telling you how I'm feeling (example: writing I miss you) gives you pressure.
So I don't show my emotions.
But that doesn't mean that they are not there. It just means that I let them out when I am home alone. When I am in the car alone. When I am at the gym letting steam off.
When I told you I'm hurting inside because of your lack of affection, you tell me that I don't know what real pain is.
Yes I get it, and I understand that what happened to you and your current health problems are a loooot worse than any emotional pain may ever be, but that doesn't make my pain go away.
When I met you, you told me about your whole life.
You were the most loving person I ever met and on some days I wondered how to show you as good as you show it to me, how much I love you.
Then came the back pains.
Yes I know that you'd like to cry every morning after a pretty sleepless night, waking up with extreme back pain. And I get that this is pure pressure on you, and I know how your past makes you react to pressure, with irritability and emotional numbness.
And I will stay by your side through those times that you're in pain, no matter how much I miss your affection that you showed me before you had those back pains.
Because I know that it has nothing to do with me. Because you always tell me it's nothing to do with me, only with your pains and your health.
It's just that I miss feeling loved, appreciated and that you want nothing more than being near me.
I just miss that.
I hope it will be like this again, when your back pains vanish.
If I could I would take those pains on me, you had to suffer enough in your life, it's not fair that you have to deal with those health problems now.
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