Terrified Of Everything...overnight

[Deleted member 27340]

Ok, first off, I'm really bad at replying back whenever I make threads here (so I don't make threads often...), but even if I don't reply, I still read any comments.

Friday last week I started getting really anxious just from going out. And it's kept on being a problem and it's making me hide inside my bedroom almost all the time and hardly walk outside the front door of the house at all.

I usually go for a short walk (10-20 minutes) multiple times a day while having one or more cigs, and I don't really have any issues with going to my bus stop and taking the bus to town and hanging out with friends and such. I usually go to town every single day, even if I'm too tired from other stuff to go to school (being social has usually always helped me feel better). The past week I've freaked out every time I've left the property. I have gone outside for a cig a few times, but only right outside the house and only like...once in a day, and even then it's stressfull.

On Friday I was going to see my psych and pushed myself on the bus and all, but I panicked and when I got to town I walked in circles until I ended up just walking a random direction and finding a bathroom to hide in (ended up at the local youth club, it was during school hours so it was pretty much empty there). Then I sat on the floor there and finished panicking and crying so much before I called my sister and had her come pick me up - I don't know what I'd done if none of the cars had been free so she could come get me.

This started literally overnight I think? It feels like that anyway. I've been, according to my best friend who's more aware of what's up in my head than I am, getting consistently worse since August, but something's just tipped now. My weight has gone consistently down since August as well, I've lost about 17 kilos.

There's too much going on in my head to all put it here, really, but it's the being-terrified-of-everything that makes me just hide in my room all the time, and then there's memories and chaotic thoughts and pictures, and feelings on my body and head and just everything is a mess. I hallucinated while walking to my bus on Monday (I was trying to get to school...I didn't last long, freaked out) and literally sobbed while walking the entire 30-minute way there. There are intrusive and gross thoughts about trauma stuff constantly and I feel gross and any social interaction is too much because talking and listening is exhausting. Etc. Can't even explain. Please ask if I should elaborate something.

I dunno if there's a question in here. There's a rant at least? And What The Hell Is Going On lol

 

[Stickler]

Spiking of symptoms...I have this.
I personally find gripping my giant set of keys is grounding, but there are tons and tons of ways to ground.

Crying can actually be good, though...the feelings can't be avoided entirely.
They do need to be managed, both because life needs to not suck and because we need to function.

You might pick a time to sit down and write everything out.
Writing gets stuff into a different brain area.
It may stop being quite so physical and intrusive that way.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

But I can't ground away from this. I'm fine when I'm in my room, then I try to go out or something like that and I panic completely and I'm 100% incapable of calming down again unless I'm back in my room...

 

[Gs172003]

But I can't ground away from this. I'm fine when I'm in my room, then I try to go out or something lik...

But you can't spend the rest of your life in your room. That's not living. That's just existing.

 

[Stickler]

Yeah...I usually calm down in a safe place.
I just have to put up with the pesky and harmless chest pains, because I have stuff to do? O.o
...I chew up diphenhydramine and sometimes that works, but your parents...:facepalm:

 

[Deleted member 27340]

But you can't spend the rest of your life in your room. That's not living. That's just existing.

I know. But right now I can barely leave my room, and I hate it, but I have no idea why I'm like this now or what the hell is going on.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Sounds like agoraphobia has set in. Exposure therapy will help with this. I went through this about 20yrs ago, it's awful, but if you give into it, you will eventually become housebound. I fought it hard, kept telling myself as I crawled backwards down my stairs to leave the house, that I was ok and this would pass. It took 3 months of doing this daily and self talking myself down to get over it.

Also every weekend I would pack my stuff up, to go spend the weekend with my best friend. I would get there have a coffee and would have to leave to go home. But every week, I would stay longer and longer....

 

[Gs172003]

I know. But right now I can barely leave my room, and I hate it, but I have no idea why I'm like this...

You have to see the psych. If you can't do that...at least see a doc. You can't stay like this. Take a support person with you if need be but go.

 

[Ronin]

Being bad mentally off is to be expected with that much of a weight loss (or, hell, any unexpected weight loss like that) but if it's even remotely possible I'd seriously look into treatment of that or issues will just cummulate and bounce off one another.

& What about taking your room with you. There's a couple of things that obviously make it safe for you, so what about recreating that safety whenever you move, having at least a few items on yourself, recreating the sense of stability in other spaces.

Edited, more reading, you've answered the question I had in your post.

 

[shimmerz]

Sounds like your little soiree on Friday left your body and brain out of sync. This is still happening to me because of all the times i used to faint/run into traffic/get lost/confused. There is so much there for me still. But it sounds like you know the root of this change, which may well be a really good thing.

One thing that my Shaman and Norman Doidge taught me is that the brain is really stupid in many ways. Because by visualizing a different outcome vividly enough (meaning using your senses as well), you can literally change the outcome in your mind. (See mirror box for amputees).

I would say that the biggest thing would be to visualize that you were able to get to where you wanted to go by following - say a rose scent. And you are feeling the rose. And it is velvety. And you are looking at the rose and it shimmer(z) with beautiful colours and has an arrow on it to show you the way to your doctors. Just focus on the rose (or whatever else comes to mind) and watch it show you how to get to your doctors. Keep smelling it to keep calm while you visualize yourself getting yourself to the doctors.

This is pretty daunting if you aren't used to visualizing but I have found it to be one of the greatest tools for getting my body and mind back into sync again.

Also, as far as the bedroom (safe place) goes. What makes it safe for you? Is there something in it? Can you take that something and walk through the doorway? Just a step or two? Is it a feeling? Can you place that feeling somewhere in your body and walk through the doorway? Just a step or two?

Sorry if this doesn't resonate at all.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

@She Cat Yes I've been trying to push myself to at least go right outside the house for a cig, but any more than that I just... can't. The few times I had to this week just went too bad and I'm not able to deal with breaking down again from doing too much because I'm already exhausted... And doesn't it have to last way longer for it to be agoraphobia?

@Zoogal I know... I'm going to ask someone to drive me. I'll probably freak out anyway and hide in a bathroom once I get there or something but...yeah.

@Ronin I'm losing weight because being bad mentally, not really the other way around. I always end up with a very restricted/limited food intake when I'm worse, and 17 kilos isn't that much for me, my weight is a rollercoaster constantly and it's not unusual for me to gain and drop the same 25 kilos within a year.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

Sounds like your little soiree on Friday left your body and brain out of sync. This is still happening to me because of all the times i used to faint/run into traffic/get lost/confused. There is so much there for me still. But it sounds like you know the root of this change, which may well be a really good thing.

This started last friday, not this Friday when I failed at seeing my psych. I have no clue whatsoever what the root of the change is.

My room is safe just because it's my room I guess? The curtains cover the window entirely, the door is closed, my bed which I'm sitting in all the time is in the corner in one end of the room. I'm left alone here, I have my blankets, I know what's what in here, and it's not too big and I'm not entirely sure really. But it's the only place I feel remotely safe.