Reasons For Being Afraid

[Snowflake]

Whether it's you or your inner child-(or any other parts)why are you or have you been afraid to share the abuse with your therapist? What are you afraid would happen or not happen if you talked?

 

[illusionist]

I feared being pitied.

 

[Missycat]

Ive always feared something bad would happen. My ocd and rituals got worse when i 'told' my therapist. I couldnt speak the words so i emailed her.
About 2 months later i had a stroke which just added to the fear of telling or something bad happens so now i struggle to share with her.
Im working on it.

 

[Friday]

Admitting weakness is wrong.

I try & work around that, because strategery is different. Honest appraisal of strengths and weaknesses allows a team to function. Strengths accentuated, weaknesses minimized, or better yet, put to use. Refusal or inability to accurately assess? Is a motherf*cker of a weakness in and of itself. There's determination, and then there's just abject stupidity. When working as a team, check your ego at the door, no room for BS. Cocky is just fine. Bring it. A little bit of attitude will go a helluva long way. But arrogance & lies get people killed. Working solo, though? Better figure it the f*ck out. Ain't nobody to pick up that slack, so what I've got is what I've got. Stupid, or no.

It's still an extremely difficult, and very fine line to walk. I think I've been solo for too long. I don't know how to work as a team, anymore. It's not natural.

 

[FauxLiz]

I am afraid that if my T knows the details he will be so repulsed that he terminates our sessions or tells me it was my fault.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug: for all.

 

[Snowflake]

I am afraid that if my T knows the details he will be so repulsed that he terminates our sessions or te...

Yep I agree

 

[NightSky]

I have identified recently that I have a fear of "getting in trouble" although logically that is ridiculous. I'm an adult. I also fear I am making it up. I'm afraid of being believed and not being believed.

 

[Snowflake]

I have identified recently that I have a fear of "getting in trouble" although logically that is ridic...

Yes!!! Exactly!!!!

 

[One step at a time]

I also fear I am making it up.

This is a large part of it for me. When T concludes an event was trauma, my first reaction is usually that I have clearly mislead her, and allowing her to continue to believe that the event was as bad as she thinks is dishonest. It helps to remember that she is smart and experienced and would not be easy to fool, even if I was trying to fool her.

For certain things, I have felt the fear that if I talked about it and/or felt the full emotions attached to it, that I might lose my grip on reality. But T says that I am sane and have been for as long as she has known me, so that's a start.

 

[NightSky]

I fear misleading my T as well. I go over the flashbacks and the body memories and the intrusive thoughts and nightmares and touch aversions etc and then she tells me these things don't come from nowhere and then I fear she's leading me to believe myself when I shouldn't. It's a no win.

 

[Abstract]

There seem to be layers and I'm still only figuring it out.

Firstly speaking at all is totally counter intuitive as I have always done things alone and not spoken to anyone. Not even to myself. I've realised there is a silent trust no one thing there and a belief people will potentially use all against me. Why hand them ammunition. Main reason I haven;t been able to have therapy for years and why I can barely speak about things on here. I have been practising hard on here in the hope I can get into therapy again. Break it down brick by brick. Determined.

An I am am fine ingrained stance that has been very very difficult to break down.

Then there is the battle with what I now in my rational moments identify as denial. My brain doesn't want to accept it and half the time I am convinced I made it up or am unharmed. I project that outward a lot and fear they will think I'm making it up or that they will believe me.

Then there seems to be a part of my brain that wants to do me in whenever I go anywhere near there. I have no idea why. It just happens. It feels external bit internal. The more up my symptoms are the worse it is. Same with the rest.

I identify with some of the things others mention.

Great thread.