Encouraging Anger.

[7Cs]

Is it normal for a T to encourage anger... like "mad as hell anger" towards the people who hurt me?

I'm supposed to do homework and write down 10 things that make me "mad as hell". I have no problem with the wording but I don't think there are 10 things and I don't know if that's exactly healthy. Granted I have anger that comes out inappropriately/ misguided and maybe she wants me to identify things that make me feel like that to see if they link back to my traumas and I can redirect the anger where it belongs?

 

[sun seeker]

I'd guess it would matter what you are going to do with the list afterwards. Just identifying 10 things and leaving them hanging there does sound a little off. But if you are going to bring the list to your session and work with it, I can see that. She is probably trying to get you to channel it appropriately. Have you worked with anger in your sessions at all? You need a safe place to express it. When is your next session and can you write your list right before that?

 

[Friday]

Normal? Yep. Very much in the both ends trying to reach the middle. Extreme anger moderated down to healthy anger & apathy (or self blame, etc.) moved up towards healthy anger. Reality based thinking.

There are things that are worth being angry about. That are wrong.

One trick... Would you be angry if XYZ happened or was done to someone else? If so, try making a 2nd column, for those things that if someone did them to your child, your spouse, your friend, or a complete stranger, that kicks in the 'Not only no, but hell no!" anger response, that, because they're you? You couldn't give a rip about, or blame yourself.

 

[7Cs]

Have you worked with anger in your sessions at all? You need a safe place to express it. When is your next session and can you write your list right before that?

I have weekly sessions so not very long til my next ones. No working on anger yet but yesterday when talking about how I should be angry with my abusers my mind completely cut off from emotion and basically reality. So I'm sure that's why.

One trick... Would you be angry if XYZ happened or was done to someone else? If so, try making a 2nd column, for those things that if someone did them to your child, your spouse, your friend, or a complete stranger, that kicks in the 'Not only no, but hell no!" anger response, that, because they're you?

Good point. They would all (my traumas) make me angry if done to someone I love. I have a very hard time being angry that those things happened to me. It was "just my life" and "how it was". I learned to expect the unexpected, take whatever came with stride and move on. No time to think about it, hurt over it or be angry about it.

 

[Fadeaway]

I learned to expect the unexpected, take whatever came with stride and move on. No time to think about it, hurt over it or be angry about it.

Yup, when you aren't allowed to acknowledge your anger it can cause problems. An old T of mine made me go in the bathroom and start throwing stuff. I was confused because I didn't feel anger. I was told it was still their in my body and needed to be released. I thought it was silly at the time, but I started recognizing anger after that.

 

[saraemerald]

Sometimes it is hard after experiencing trauma, to feel our anger towards a perpetrator especially if we are used to having everything turned against us and blamed on us. It's healthy to acknowledge our anger and to feel it so we can understand ourselves better and our hurt. If we have anger but do not feel it and perhaps we just feel numb, sometimes we allow the same sort of people to wrong us again without even realizing it. Anger can help us to stick up for ourselves as well especially if we are not used to sticking up for ourselves.

 

[Alphabetzy]

My T told me something similar recently.

I told him I was tired of feeling angry and bitter. That I wanted to let go of the anger. I shared with him some quote off a Buddha meme on FB that said "holding on to anger is like holding on to a hot coal--you are the one that gets burned".

But to my surprise he disagreed. He said anger is really only problematic when people are having like violent outbursts and need anger management. But more importantly, he said that anger is the "last stage" of trauma acceptance. Kind of like the stages of grieving, I can't remember quite the order he said...I dissociated during the session. But he said anger was a good thing, a sign of progress. Your emotions are valid and your anger is okay to have. You SHOULD write that list!

Best wishes

 

[sun seeker]

No working on anger yet but yesterday when talking about how I should be angry with my abusers my mind completely cut off from emotion and basically reality.

Yeah, being angry directly at your abusers can take a while for some people. You might have to ease into it by feeling anger at people/situations that feel less threatening. Expressing your anger in a safe environment and seeing that the sky doesn't fall. That could be why, if I understand the exercise correctly, your therapist isn't asking you to make a list of 10 things about your abusers that make you angry... just 10 things in general. Sounds like a smart strategy actually.

 

[sun seeker]

But more importantly, he said that anger is the "last stage" of trauma acceptance.

That's interesting. I'm only just beginning to feel anger at my abusers about the abuse (I could feel it about other stuff). It's taken a few years to get to this point.

 

[7Cs]

Yeah, being angry directly at your abusers can take a while for some people. You might have to ease...

Yes, the exercise is about 10 things in general. Just thinking about writing the list is making me very anxious.

 

[7Cs]

I can tell you one thing I'm mad as hell about....

The "normal" life I've missed out on because of this God forsaken disorder.

There. My list has begun.

 

[saraemerald]

I can tell you one thing I'm mad as hell about....

The "normal" life I've missed out on because of this Go...

Amen to that