somerandomguy
VIP Member
Why is this person allowed on the forum? They have shown themselves to be incapable of respectable boundaries. If no one has reported them yet, I will.
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Research Survivor Guilt Stories
- Post starter RoselynJ
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EveHarrington
VIP Member
I don't have survivors guilt so this thread isn't hitting on my triggers. But I do understand why it's so upsetting for others.
This is not a good way to do "research".
OP you are dreadfully failing at understanding the basics of PTSD. Dreadfully.
We live this stuff day in and day out.
I can imagine what NTS was going through in his response to you. And it's not pretty.
Putting people in this position is in poor taste IMHO.
Yes, there is a tonne of triggering material on this site. But it is a peer to peer site mainly. We are willing to put ourselves "out there" so to speak for one another as it's helping someone else in the same darn boat to navigate the waters. There is no profit to be had. We share with one another as a matter of survival in the name of getting back to "normal" functioning. That's all we want----symptom reduction and the ability to improve functionality. Something that non PTSD people take for granted (without even knowing it). <PTSD people meaning survivors and supporters>
Asking someone to increase their symptoms so that you can understand survivors guilt is just a bit much, especially when it's just for a story that will gloss over the depth of what someone with PTSD actually deals with.
I strongly urge you to write about what you know and not branch out into the unknown.
This is not a good way to do "research".
OP you are dreadfully failing at understanding the basics of PTSD. Dreadfully.
We live this stuff day in and day out.
I can imagine what NTS was going through in his response to you. And it's not pretty.
Putting people in this position is in poor taste IMHO.
Yes, there is a tonne of triggering material on this site. But it is a peer to peer site mainly. We are willing to put ourselves "out there" so to speak for one another as it's helping someone else in the same darn boat to navigate the waters. There is no profit to be had. We share with one another as a matter of survival in the name of getting back to "normal" functioning. That's all we want----symptom reduction and the ability to improve functionality. Something that non PTSD people take for granted (without even knowing it). <PTSD people meaning survivors and supporters>
Asking someone to increase their symptoms so that you can understand survivors guilt is just a bit much, especially when it's just for a story that will gloss over the depth of what someone with PTSD actually deals with.
I strongly urge you to write about what you know and not branch out into the unknown.
It is a lifetime of knowing that you are not deserving of anything good. If it began in childhood, as mine did, well then, you have never known anything different. You can't know what you don't know.
There is a demon that lives in your room, in your head and in your very soul. He pulls you back just in time every time: "You can't have that (happiness) - that's not for you."
He can't be touched by others - not friends, not well-wishers, not family or therapists. He is immune to logic. There are no appeals that will change his sentence. He is the final authority on all subjects. You might forget him for a time - even for long stretches if things are going well - but he never forgets you. He just continues ticking along inside of you, ready to douse you in his heavy, paralyzing ooze at the first opportunity.
Your life is not your own and the very best you can do is learn to live around his edges.
I am also a writer and I take no offense at your inquiry. I would rather that you understand your topic from the inside than project yet more speculation and glamorization of a real-life topic that is so painful to so many. One that I share.
What many people don't realize is that writers have no choice. They have to write. If they did it "for the money," well, then they wouldn't do it at all. Unless you're a big-name writer with a big money-making platform under you, you aren't making any money. Like all artists, writers are simply fulfilling their function as a mirror. Mirroring back the realities of life. In order to do this, they must learn about people and their unique experiences. This is a thankless, painful job in itself. Being an artist is one of the most joyful and one of the most painful things about me. Good luck with your project.
There is a demon that lives in your room, in your head and in your very soul. He pulls you back just in time every time: "You can't have that (happiness) - that's not for you."
He can't be touched by others - not friends, not well-wishers, not family or therapists. He is immune to logic. There are no appeals that will change his sentence. He is the final authority on all subjects. You might forget him for a time - even for long stretches if things are going well - but he never forgets you. He just continues ticking along inside of you, ready to douse you in his heavy, paralyzing ooze at the first opportunity.
Your life is not your own and the very best you can do is learn to live around his edges.
I am also a writer and I take no offense at your inquiry. I would rather that you understand your topic from the inside than project yet more speculation and glamorization of a real-life topic that is so painful to so many. One that I share.
What many people don't realize is that writers have no choice. They have to write. If they did it "for the money," well, then they wouldn't do it at all. Unless you're a big-name writer with a big money-making platform under you, you aren't making any money. Like all artists, writers are simply fulfilling their function as a mirror. Mirroring back the realities of life. In order to do this, they must learn about people and their unique experiences. This is a thankless, painful job in itself. Being an artist is one of the most joyful and one of the most painful things about me. Good luck with your project.
lostforgottensoul
VIP Member
I don't understand why you are after other people's individual experiences. The character has her own individual story and survivor's guilt is very individual. Situation, circumstances, trauma, how the person process things, other traumas, etc. It is very intimate and so individual that no one here will be able to tell you how your character should or would feel and handle things as we aren't her and didn't have her trauma. It would be inaccurate.
Googling can tell you a fair amount of about survivor's guilt and what the symptoms are:
Survivor Guilt
And it goes on. That is about all one would need to know to make up how this character would or should feel and handle things and be accurate. Cormorbid? Ok, research each disorder's symptoms and then research how they would fit together, overlap, and even complicate each other.
This is very personal and intimate thing and not needed.
If you need stories or individual experiences (though I don't understand why you do) then @joeylittle had the best idea that I can think of.
Googling can tell you a fair amount of about survivor's guilt and what the symptoms are:
Survivor Guilt
And it goes on. That is about all one would need to know to make up how this character would or should feel and handle things and be accurate. Cormorbid? Ok, research each disorder's symptoms and then research how they would fit together, overlap, and even complicate each other.
This is very personal and intimate thing and not needed.
If you need stories or individual experiences (though I don't understand why you do) then @joeylittle had the best idea that I can think of.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
Writers may "have" to write but they don't "have" to exploit others in the process.
Nobody said the author was getting rich, but there is indeed profit to be had if proceeds are supposedly going to be donated.
- Post starter
- #31
Thank you. This is ALL I was trying to do here. Learn. Clearly I did not understand the questions as I wrote them as painful. I did not want people here to tell me their stories - if I wanted that I could have gone snooping around the site and read them myself. I didn't. I wanted to respect this community and the pain of its members by not doing that and by keeping myself here in a corner where people could see what I was doing. As I said upthread, I didn't know if survivor guilt was different to regular guilt which is WHY I asked the questions I did - and clearly by everyones responses it is different.
And as angry as people have been, it has been exactly what I came here looking for... I learnt about this group of people. I learnt about what I DON'T know. Otherwise I would have written this story full of inaccuracies and holes and, as someone said upthread, it would have been so bad as to be damaging to reality. You all have enough to deal with, I didn't need to add to it. And I certainly didn't mean to add to it.
I am not stealing anyones life - here or elsewhere. I am writing a story based on someone experiences, someone who ASKED me to write them as they died. If I am going to write this, I want to do it honestly. And seeing as I can't ask the foundational person, I asked here. I am not trying to exploit or profit off of anyone - which is why anything I make would be donated - I am trying to make sure I write something that isn't glamorisation and still respect the wish of the person who asked me to write it.
Neverthesame
Diamond Member
@MoonOwl While I don't agree with what is being requested by this author. If you are comfortable with discussing this with them and wish to do so. By all means you should.
I get the need to pay bills. When I flick a light switch on, it's nice that the room lights up with it. Or that it's not -25C inside the house as it is outside.
I even believe that the author did not intend to offend anyone here.
My problem is with the callous lack of forethought that went into this research venture. There is alot about this disorder that is very basic easy to learn knowledge that should have been understood prior to speaking to real people, about their very real pasts.
Made worse by their seeming inability or unwillingness to understand why this hasn't gone over well with just about everyone who commented.
Were this a research project for a study, not a fictional novel? Yeah, I'd have cut them more slack.
What you have here, is someone wanting to write a story about someone suffering from a guilt complex.
They typed "Survivor's guilt" into Google, then wound up here.
Then began asking questions about painful things.
Not because they wanted to understand the nuances of a guilt complex, existing as a comorbid issue alongside PTSD.
Nope. They are only interested in learning of the guilt. It just so happens that people suffering from PTSD, sometimes also suffer from survivor's guilt.
It comes off as a lot of "It's not exactly what I'm looking for. But, it'll do."
That is why it bothers me. That is why I found the request so disrespectful.
If you are okay with it. All the power to you.
I have enough respect for your strength of character, to not try to convince you that I am some moral authority. That you should not help this author with gathering the information they seek.
But I would request that you not assume that my reluctance to assist this person is born of ignorance of the creative process, or the financial obligations of adulthood.
When it is from my moral objection to the methods this person is using to gather their data.
I get the need to pay bills. When I flick a light switch on, it's nice that the room lights up with it. Or that it's not -25C inside the house as it is outside.
I even believe that the author did not intend to offend anyone here.
My problem is with the callous lack of forethought that went into this research venture. There is alot about this disorder that is very basic easy to learn knowledge that should have been understood prior to speaking to real people, about their very real pasts.
Made worse by their seeming inability or unwillingness to understand why this hasn't gone over well with just about everyone who commented.
Were this a research project for a study, not a fictional novel? Yeah, I'd have cut them more slack.
What you have here, is someone wanting to write a story about someone suffering from a guilt complex.
They typed "Survivor's guilt" into Google, then wound up here.
Then began asking questions about painful things.
Not because they wanted to understand the nuances of a guilt complex, existing as a comorbid issue alongside PTSD.
Nope. They are only interested in learning of the guilt. It just so happens that people suffering from PTSD, sometimes also suffer from survivor's guilt.
It comes off as a lot of "It's not exactly what I'm looking for. But, it'll do."
That is why it bothers me. That is why I found the request so disrespectful.
If you are okay with it. All the power to you.
I have enough respect for your strength of character, to not try to convince you that I am some moral authority. That you should not help this author with gathering the information they seek.
But I would request that you not assume that my reluctance to assist this person is born of ignorance of the creative process, or the financial obligations of adulthood.
When it is from my moral objection to the methods this person is using to gather their data.
- Post starter
- #33
This was totally NOT my intent. I did not come looking for PTSD because everything I had read lead me to believe that after 13 years (which is the length of time for my character) PTSD would not be manifest as strongly. I've learned by this thread I was wrong. So even your unwillingness to want to "help this author", you have actually opened my eyes to the inaccuracies in my own research.
As I had it, she did have flashbacks, it is how the story unfolds. But it was the Survivors Guilt which was eating her up and that is why I chose to post on that topic here. Not because I didn't care about anything else.
Tabbycat925
New Here
I'm actually really upset that you are creating a story about something you know nothing about.
I mean you make it seem like "oh if you put it into words I can copy and paste that into my book I'm writing". It's not really authentic and as much as I'm about artistic freedom I feel like those who try to portray feelings that they don't understand fail to get their art to show what they want it to.
You see PTSD is complex. It's different for everyone. Some people don't experience symptoms for years even decades. Some symptoms are more severe than others. Either way this site is about growth and finding help and advice from peers. not a novelist looking for a scoop and I know this sounds terribly harsh but I feel like you are using people and that's not ok. Exploiting people for their disorders is not ok.
I respectfully ask you to not make any more posts on the matter (possibly leaving this site) and you should think about changing the subject of your book. My disorder isn't some kind of entertainment.
joeylittle
Sponsor
To state the obvious - not only for you, but all the readers on this thread: you're free to state your minds on anything you choose. If the OP bothers you, put them on ignore, and leave the thread alone.
somerandomguy
VIP Member
GET THE f*ck OUT OF HERE. Seriously, NaNoWriMo has been over for weeks. You will learn NOTHING here that you couldn't have googled, and you are STILL trying to justify your shitty, shitty behavior.
You could have easily lurked and gotten anything you needed that way. But no, you need *validation* as a Writer so you make a big show of doing "research." That's just bullshit. You're as much of a writer as I am, and believe me, I'm no writer.
Get out.
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