How Do I Know When It's Time To Give Up?

[Sheera]

I wish I could ask for help... I didn't take my son to school all last week and most of the week before he stayed home some days and I asked others to pick him up and drop off some days.... I live in a really rural area so it's a detour for everyone to get to my house and I can't keep asking for help... Besides today and tomorrow are holiday parties at school i can't miss them I will find out about the nearest facility though

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Are you afraid to drive in general or do you not trust yourself right now to be behind the wheel?

 

[Sheera]

Driving is a trigger I deal with all the time to a certain extent (I live in a rural area like I said and I'm better with driving locally but can't drive in the city at all) but now I don't trust myself.. I haven't slept I can't stop crying I'm seeing halos I'm dizzy disoriented dissociated everything everything everything is scaring me and triggering me shadows are popping out at me you know that kind of a thing... but.. I did it I drove to school and stayed there to minimize my driving time until it was time to go home and it took me a while longer then usual but I got us home safe and sound just now .. I texted my therapist about hospital.. Her husband is the head of the mental health emergency room at the closest major hospital so she can find out if i arrive there but shes not sure if it'll be a good place for me to be it might traumatize me further because a lot of my triggers are unavoidable there stupid things like doors opening and closing she's concerned that unless I'm sedated that is gonna push me off the deep end but she also thinks I'll know when I NEED to be sedated and she wants me to make an appt with my medical doc to up the dosage of my meds in general ... I honestly can't make an appt with my doc I'm way way way too scared so I'm not sure what I'm going to do

 

[Phantom Shadow]

Well I can relate some what. What I would suggest is call your family doctor and tell the nurse or doctor that your therapist says to raise your med's an see if they will do it over the phone. Then have it called in to the closest Pharmacy. I do that all the time with my problems. Most likely your doctor will verify with your therapist and you can avoid having to drive to the doctors office. Hopefully your pharmacy is close so you can do it an combine it with the school drop off's. You also need to talk with hubby an get him to help you calm down. We men are bear's most of the time but deep down we care an want to help our other half's most likely our better halves. LG.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Have you established a Safe Place at home? This could be a whole room, a curtained -off corner of a room, or even a walk-in closet. In this Safe Place, you put things that help you self-soothe: pillows, a favorite blankie, children's books, stuffies...whatever you want. You could even put a mini-fridge in there and stock it with Emergency Ice Cream. :)

Not only is a Safe Place a great place to go when you need it, it also serves to remind you, when away from home, that you HAVE a Safe Place to go to. So, when out driving and feeling scared, you can look at your watch and tell yourself, "I just need to pick up my son, and then I can go home to my Safe Place!"

If you haven't established one, I suggest you begin right away. A Safe Place of your own will feel much safer than a hospital.

 

[Sheera]

Have you established a Safe Place at home?

I love that idea I have a room downstairs that is 'mine' in the winter to smoke mmj (totally legal and endorsed by my doc and therapist) I can make that into my safe space... It already kind of is but maybe making it official in my mind will help solidify it as a 'safe' space

 

[Sheera]

I wish I could do that my doc is almost ready to drop me shes been calling me asking me to come in... Im really scared of calling her even though my therapist keeps telling me that she's not going to be mad or hurt me in..

And I know that my hubby loves me and all that good stuff he's a real macho 'mountain man' (literally) lol and emotions are not something he believes in his idea of calming me down nicely compassionately is to yell 'will you relax already!' excluding the expletives that are usually included in that sentence.. Besides he works 10-12 hour days at a physical job he doesn't have the energy left when he gets home to even try to be compassionate unfortunately

Well I can relate some what. What I would suggest is call your family doctor and tell the nurse or doc...

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

. It already kind of is but maybe making it official in my mind will help solidify it as a 'safe' space

Yes, please do make it both official and special.

Try to spend some time there every day, whether you think you need to or not.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

By the way, in response to your initial question: When is It time to give up?

It is never time to commit suicide. There are times when it it is appropriate to go inpatient, but I don't think of that as 'giving up'.

If you decide to go inpatient, I strongly suggest a Colin Ross associated trauma unit. There are a handful in the United States, I think the best one is probably in Texas, close to Colin Ross.

 

[Sheera]

I wonder how my hubby is gonna react to that but I'm gonna give it a go.. It can't hurt it can only help and he doesn't go there in the winter anyway

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Many professionals strongly suggest the establishment of a Safe Place. If you need to justify it to your husband, I'm sure you could find something online.

 

[Sheera]

I think I know it's always gonna be a fantasy that I know I'm not going to be able to give into as much as it hurts me to say it I know that I can't take the easy way out now or anytime in the near future I think that kind of act will negate everything I've done to try to give my son the best I can if that makes sense

By the way, in response to your initial question: When is It time to give up?

It is never time...