"their" going to snap

[Punky143]

Every single thing irritates "me" and because of that, that irritates us even more. I see it. I see how we can possibly overvalue someone or idolize and it can last a couple years and then...that person becomes the most irritating individual to be around. If I look further, this is someone I both work with and share a strong friendship with. Well deserved but they head south for the winter leaving a gaping 3 month hole until we meet again. Despite phone contact on a daily basis, its always been hard knowing their not here in person. Is it we're pushing them away to protect ourselves from such sadness or is it the borderline thinking?
Its difficult to know if all the Anxiety, increased disassociation, highly irritable comes from accumulation from everywhere and because of that, that's why my irritation towards my friend comes? Wish I could keep going but I'm losing it :-(

 

[shimmerz]

but they head south for the winter leaving a gaping 3 month hole until we meet again. Despite phone contact on a daily basis, its always been hard knowing their not here in person.

Sounds a bit to me like a codependency issue

 

[BlueOrange]

I don't think it's especially helpful to link the thinking and feeling to a pathology. I think it is helpful to say "I'm pushing my friend away, and I can see that it isn't really in my long-term interests."

I think it would be especially useful to say that to your therapist.

 

[Punky143]

Sounds a bit to me like a codependency issue

I'm not sure if you know anything about Borderline people but for me, its called abandonment, not codependent. Entirely different because it comes from a different place.

 

[shimmerz]

its called abandonment, not codependent. Entirely different because it comes from a different place.

For myself, codependency came from continual abandonment.

 

[joeylittle]

Despite phone contact on a daily basis, its always been hard knowing their not here in person. Is it we're pushing them away to protect ourselves from such sadness or is it the borderline thinking?

It sounds to me like you are having a reaction that is bigger than the situation warrants; and since you have a BPD diagnosis, then yes - I'd say it's the Borderline thinking.

This isn't abandonment. This is a friend taking an annual holiday. The fact that you are staying in daily contact confirms the friendship.

I disagree with @BlueOrange - in that addressing personality disorders generally requires acknowledging the symptomology.

So, yes - it's pretty typical borderline thinking, and no - there's no rational reason to engage in a big push-pull here. I'd recommend good old challenging the thought and emotional regulation.

 

[BlueOrange]

It sounds to me like you are having a reaction that is bigger than the situation warrants; and since...

Just to clarify what I'm saying there - I think there's something very useful about saying "I have X disorder, which means that when I do Y, it might not be a good thing."

What doesn't seem useful to me is "I did Y, and it wasn't good. Was the reason problem A, B, or C?" I can understand the appeal of the question, and why it would seem important. But I don't think it's likely to be worth the effort.

 

[aut555]

Would it help this year to tell the friend you felt a range of feelings when they left for their trip? Maybe articulating this will help you feel these emotions and make you feel better about acknowledging this.