Relationship Isolation By Imposition!

[Mytime]

I agree with sweetpea, if your going to stay in this relationship you need to educate yourself. Not just for him but for you also.
I would be pissed if I over heard my man talking to another female about me and someone he slept with in the past. I would feel disrespected and very hurt. So I send you a hug.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

I agree with sweetpea, if your going to stay in this relationship you need to educate yourself. Not jus...

Thank you so much. :)

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Ok gals, seeing as y'all have educated yourselves and live with/date someone with PTSD, what do you feel are the atypical actions of someone with it? At this point, I have not had time to read the books suggested thoroughly because I am overwhelmed with Christmas, work and a grandbaby on the way.

 

[Sweetpea76]

First off, you have to learn about PTSD, then combat PTSD, then your partner's specific case of PTSD.

You said he has TBI and combat injuries. Each of those is going to impact his PTSD in different ways.

Learn his triggers, learn his stressors, learn to recognize the difference between triggers and stressors.

Learn to recognize how his symptoms manifest, and how he copes with them.

What kind of treatment has he had? What meds are he on, and how do they affect him?

Does he have trauma anniversaries? When are they?

This is just a start.

 

[Newtoptsd]

It's all dependent on the person @PartTimeWarriorLover however the behaviour you're expressing is not to be tolerated even if it has been onset by PTSD!

I've mentioned it before but when these situations arise you have to set boundaries, in this case you could say 'if you continue to converse with this woman about our relationship I will walk away from this as that is not something I am willing to put up with' if he does it again .... you walk. That is a hard boundary though you could have softer boundaries which don't ultimately end up in you leaving. He has the ability to change his behaviour should he care about you enough.

If you don't have the time to research it's probably best you walk away for the time being and concentrate on you and your life until you are able to read into this .... there's a hefty chunk of research to be done and even when you have done it, it doesn't give you all the answers. No one has all the answers!

 

[Sweetpea76]

A boundary is a boundary... having "hard" boundaries and "soft" boundaries isn't going to do anybody any good.

You don't have to end it as the result of every boundary. I have a boundary about lashing out. I won't listen to it. If he starts I leave the situation, do not respond, do not escalate. Every single time. Period. If I can't leave the situation I still do not respond or escalate. Repeated behavior over time has demonstrated to him that I do not participate.

Boundaries by nature have to be "hard" or they do not work. They have to be firm and final though. If you don't reinforce them, it's pointless to have them.

If you say "I cant tolerate xyz" then you have to mean it. It can't be "I can't tolerate xyz, but this time is OK because of this excuse". That's not reinforcing anything except that you don't really mean what you say, because you just tolerated xyz. If you cannot reinforce the boundary, then don't set it.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

First off, you have to learn about PTSD, then combat PTSD, then your partner's specific case of PTSD...

It's just so difficult to tell. He tells me he doesn't have it "that bad" but then he will go a week and not leave the house. His has MAJOR obsessions with doing things at an OCD pace. Like write papers for school for 5 days straight.

Similarly, he's OBSESSED with underground internet media personalities such as Dalrock, Hugh Mungus and Milo Yiannopoulos. If you are not familiar, google them. It's VERY hard to explain unless you actually see it for yourself.

Milo- YouTube
Hugh Mungus - YouTube
Dalrock - Wordpress
Terrence Popp - YouTube ( I actually like this guy...he's pretty funny and smart)

To COMPLETELY understand, you must watch a few of these videos and then you will understand what I am witness to.

 

[Newtoptsd]

Sorry yes I was wondering what the alternative for hard was, I meant it as in it doesn't have to be as drastic as ending the relationship. Not soft as in you can go against your boundaries at any point, otherwise they would be pointless.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@PartTimeWarriorLover all those guys seem pretty sexist, anti-woman, father's rights focused.

You said he was divorced and his ex took the kids and won't let him see them.

Makes sense to me. That's traumatic, and while it's not the cause of his PTSD, it is a huge stressor. It makes sense that he's obsessively watching and reacting to these videos.

 

[Sighs]

@PartTimeWarriorLover - This is a supporter forum. We often need to vent in a way that sufferers find upsetting and confronting. That's ok. This is our space. I say things in this space that I would NEVER say to my veteran. I love him and don't want to make him feel any worse than he does, but lordy sometimes I have to break into song "What about me? It isn't fair! I've had enough!" ;):whistling:

So... if I've got this right this man suffers from PTSD, TBI and physical injuries and his ex left and he doesn't see his kids and its Christmas. Uh huh. I'd be expecting a fairly major flare up in symptoms right about now. Isolation, lashing out, suicidal ideation. The works.

As far as talking to his ex-friend with benefits about your relationship, that I would call him on. But not now. Not when his stress cup is overflowing. He won't be able to cope and the conversation will go nowhere good.

It seems from your posts that you really want a "normal" relationship with this man. And there is nothing wrong with wanting that. But this guy can't give you that. He is not suddenly going to realise he's being an arse and change his behaviour. Leaving does not make you a bad person.

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 38137]

@PartTimeWarriorLover all those guys seem pretty sexist, anti-woman, father's rig...

@PartTimeWarriorLover - This is a supporter forum. We often need to vent in a way tha...

I know. I don't trust myself to say anything positive. He finally texted me that some of my gifts have come in. So far, I have said nothing. On Saturday when he kicked me out, I had a scratched cornea, my eye was swollen shut and I had to pack my stuff up and leave when I basically felt so bad that I took the day off work. Things like this just irritate the heck out of me. Yeah, I wasn't shot or anything but I was injured.

The lack of empathy is amazing. :(

 

[Sighs]

The lack of empathy is amazing.

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

Sorry - I know its not funny but I can't help laughing. I've spent my whole life dealing with this. My dad is also a combat veteran. No matter how badly I was hurt as a kid he'd look over at it and go "Mnph. Its only a flesh wound."

My partner is the same. No matter how badly I've been hurt not one ounce of sympathy passes his lips. Quite the opposite. He'll bark at me to stop whinging. I used to try to impress him by 'soldiering on' but in his mind that just proves I wasn't really sick or in pain. Now I just call my own time out if I need to. His total utter lack of concern for my physical well being is one of the things I find hardest to cope with. In my world if you love someone you care if they are tired, hungry, in pain. Apparently not in his world.

:hug: if you accept them.