Relationship Is There A Light At The End Of The Tunnel Or Just A Train?

[StressedHusband]

Does it ever get any better?

I feel selfish...just when I think things are on the up swing...BAM!! I want my marriage back...I want to be happy again...I don't want to have to be on Xanax just to be at home around her. These GD egg shells are starting to feel like glass shards!!

I want the kids to realize already that they trigger her 90% of the time and than she's just in a fowl mood the rest of the night. Who would of thought that just following simple instructions could be so hard and lead to so much turmoil!!??

I'm scared that when we move next year it won't get any better...I'm scared it will get worse. Damn it...I just want my marriage to be less work and less stress than my job!!! I miss feeling loved. F$&k you PTSD...f$&k you right in your stupid a$$!!

 

[ladee]

A very honest post from a husband that just wants it to get better and stay that way.
I feel the same way about PTSD and I have it.
I'm sorry things are so hard for you and the kids.
Does she have a Therapist? Is she on any meds?
Hope you don't HAVE to make tough choices but you deserve happiness and so do your kids.
I pray things get better for your family and I so totally respect your honest post.

 

[Jody]

Hi I'm sorry for the shit ptsd is causing you and your marriage. I have it and I often wonder if I'm with the right person. All this is new for him and I and I feel like I'm dealing with it by myself with no support from him. Right now I can't stand him he acts as if I'm suppose to get over it. I Said to him tonight
" you don't want to be with me do you" he waits doesn't say anything finally after a few mins says why do ask that where does this come from? I say I need some reassurance I say you don't give affection he says I don't. Said I never do. The thing is it's true I don't give affection most of the time I want to be alone I usually don't need reassurance cause I like being by myself. Thing is it's so hard for me to show I care cause I don't trust him. I don't know if this is part of having ptsd or just a bad relationship. Been with him 10yrs took me 5yrs to move in with him and his kids. I never spent the nights maybe once in the five years I did. I would talk on the phone but really didn't need the contact. that caused all sorts of trouble. His kids live with him they're hardly with there moms. So I do get triggered by the kids. To be honest I dream about being alone but know I also want a life I want to be loved and be able to love back. I want intimacy/sex but don't do it either does he. Does anyone else have these issues ? How did you cope with ptsd I mean is this all me ?? I feel once he found out he has something to point the finger at. Any advice ???

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Her triggers are her responsibility to cope with. It's up to her to find coping strategies or ask a professional for guidance. It can never be up to the kids to not trigger her (unless they've done it intentionally). Having grown up with a mother who was mentally unwell and unwilling to take responsibility for her recovery I know what kind of hell it is to live with the responsibility of my mothers moods. Always doing things to help her not be stressed, walking on eggshells, being unable as a child to have any needs I need met by a mother.

You know what it did to help her mood? Being super careful of what I said, did, tone of voice. Not a damn thing. She needed therapy, she needed help and coping tools. It wasn't fair to have the responsibility of her mental health. That was up to her.

It sucks that something terrible happens to us and it's now our responsibility to learn how to deal with it, it's just the way it is. I am the only one who can put in the work required to help me recover.

 

[Chem Lady]

There is so much extra on the person who loves someone with ptsd. I have ptsd and I try not to be a burden on my husband, but I need help. He loves me so he gives extra to take some stressful things off my plate. I appreciate his efforts and his care and I try really hard to be as self sufficient as I can and try to facilitate his needs getting met... but, in reality, ptsd sucks a lot of life out of the both of us.
Sigh.
I'm sorry ptsd is sucking the life out of your family too.

 

[Jody]

I feel so bad you have to deal with this !!! It is her responsibility!!!! Going to therapy is a choice she needs to make for herself. I am going to therapy I'm trying emdr etc. I'm trying to cope an learn how cause the way I've coped up until now isn't working any longer. I'm open to suggestions from t I want to heal from all this shit !!!! It sucks!!!! I hate it!!! I feel awful for the kids!! I love his kids I try not saying anything in front of them. They don't know I have ptsd. Actually no one does except him and I and T. I guess that's why this site is so helpful. I'm still in the denial stage one min i believe I have it the next I don't. I can say I'm extremely independent and I don't like feeling like i "need" anyone. I do for myself and everyone else. The thing is now it seems like it's all changing. I need support I need the hey good job for trying or even acknowledge how difficult this ptsd crap is!!!! It's hard for me to ask for help he knows this yet ignores me I'm starting to wonder if he has ptsd !!! How f--ked up that would be !!!!

 

[Jody]

There is so much extra on the person who loves someone with ptsd. I have ptsd and I try not to be a b...

You are a very lucky lady your husband sounds like a wonderful guy. That is what I need someone who can take some of the stuff off my plate. Mine does not take things off the plate he adds to it even when I tell him I'm overwhelmed!!! I am my fathers caretaker he lives with us also his three children 14 16 19 from two ex wife's. Who hardly see there children. I do for all and it's getting tough extremely tough !!!

 

[Jody]

I'm sure all this is tough on him too if he actually took the time to read about it or ask how I'm doing. Or wanted to talk about it. He doesn't. I don't know what the hell im doing my t said I'm resealent I need to ask for what I want I do ask but half the time I can't put it into words. I just know I feel overwhelmed and hidden inside I want to run like hell far far away cause I don't want to deal with this stufff!! Does any of what I'm saying making sense ? I am babbling on I'm sorry

 

[Deleted member 541]

@StressedHusband PTSD isn't an excuse for bad behavior. Your wife needs to understand that yes, she has PTSD, but it's her responsibility to get help. She needs therapy, she needs to realize that she IS responsible for her actions, words and she needs to find ways to deal with what she is going through. Her PTSD affects everyone in the house, and she needs to understand this.

I've had PTSD probably since the age of 10. Diagnosed at 41. I never knew what was wrong with me in between those yrs. I honesty thought I was just a crazy bitch with what I was going through. I had a child 3 months after turning 18. It wasn't my choice to have her, but I was forced into it. I did love her, but I never should have had a child. Looking bad, I can see now, just how my actions, thoughts, and the things I did while raising her has effected her and her life.

I have guilt for those yrs, and the things that I have done. I've learned to cope with the damage I've caused, but it will always be there.

I hope that your wife will quickly learn before it's too late, how her actions affect everyone around her.

 

[Sweetpea76]

My kids are off limits when it comes to my vet's lashing out behaviors. I have drawn that line in the sand and am not shy about it. I don't even want to be targeted in front of my kids either. I'm a momma bear and he knows that I would tear his head off if he went after one of my kids.

He's never crossed that boundary, even when symptomatic. I think if anything he tends to give them a wide berth when he isn't feeling well. Knowing him, that's his way of shielding them from his PTSD.

Granted @StressedHusband my situation is different. I have older kids and they're my kids from a previous relationship. My vet has also had some treatment for his PTSD, although thanks to our wonderful VA system he hasn't been able to get any in awhile. BUT he has learned from his treatment, and he respects my boundaries. Those two factors are key. Things can get better.

When it comes to your kids, do not be afraid to release the beast. She needs that behavior checked!

 

[Beautifulmess]

F$&k you PTSD...f$&k you right in your stupid a$$!!

This says is all. Couldn't agree more! You are not alone. I'm tired and scared too.

 

[Thizette]

I feel the same way about PTSD and I have it.

Me, too.