Figured Out The Source Of My Most Common Trigger Is An Additude.

[Fadeaway]

It happens so often, but I couldn't pin it down. It is that attitude you get when you tell someone something and the say "oh really" but the tone says "I don't believe you." Or they say "Are you sure about that?" I couldn't really pin down the actual trigger because it wasn't a specific phrase or action but the attitude.

It is the attitude I received when I told my grandparents. It is the attitude I have received so many times when reporting things to the police. It is the attitude I have received when begging for help.

It is that feeling that not only comes from basically being called a liar, but that feeling of helplessness of knowing no one is going to help you. No one is going to defend you. That fear that stops you from enjoying life because if there was an emergency situation you fear that no one would take your cries for help seriously.

That attitude causes me so much panic even when it has nothing to do with a serious situation. My husband is job hunting and he is signed to receive e-mails with job alerts on dozens of different sites. He keeps getting scam e-mails. The e-mails A lot of these sites pose as potential employers but you have to sign up with them. In reality they are just phishing for your info and the only listings they actually send you are door to door commission only type jobs.

My husband was looking at one tonight that was posing as a college that had seen his resume. I tried pointing out to him that if it was a real college than the e-mail address would look more like @somerandomcollege.edu
and not something similar to @scamjobs4u.com. The response he gave me was that "I don't believe you" attitude.

Instantly my mind went to panic, I have to make him believe me or I am going to die type panic. It is normally pure emotional flashback of "This is an emergency, someone has to believe me" feeling but this time it was very auditory and visual of the day I told. That is when it hit me. The situations might be completely different and there is a huge difference between being believed over an e-mail scam and sexual assault but the attitude was the same.

It's weird, sometimes I think the way my grandparents responded was more damaging than the actual abuse. I can't help but feel that if they had responded differently and protected me the abuse wouldn't have messed me up as bad as it did. I am not bitter or anything though.:meh:

 

[Deleted member 541]

This was one of my bigger triggers for years. People HAD to believe me. I would do or say anything to get them to believe me. It goes back to one of my traumas, and not being believed when I told.

Working through my trauma, and having a really patient therapist, who pretty much made me believe that I can't control what others think, do or say, and that nothing I "could" do or say would change that. I learned to let it go. I no longer care what others think, it's on them, not me.

But yes, I know that struggle very well, and just how deeply it can affect you.....

 

[Rani G2]

oh really" but the tone says "I don't believe you." Or they say "Are you sure about that?"

Fadeaway, I can imagine how painful that can be. By responding (Unawareness or not)There is a huge lackness of Empathy there. The Trauma itself and the aftermath of it when people are not receiving the support they need. A good T will you guide you and will try to activate your potential to give that support you need from your own self. I know I am working on similar areas, getting triggered by others behaviour.

I am trying the journaling thing, not so easy.

What helps you create some little neatness in that chaotic field of thoughts?

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Fadeaway Been thinking about this..... Yes, the way my mother responded to my telling her that my brothers had molested me, was way more damaging that the actual act itself. So, I get what you are feeling!!!!!

 

[Rani G2]

By responding (Unawareness or not)There

Must correct: By responding that way....

 

[Deleted member 37085]

It happens so often, but I couldn't pin it down. It is that attitude you get when you tell someone som...

Learning to allow myself to feel, cry, and be downright enraged for not being protected from child molester/murderer of 4 month old deceased baby brother Robbie; allowing myself in EMDR Therapy to be enraged that no one protected me from the violence and torture experienced from a small defenseless little girl all the way up until my mom passed in 2006 and dad in 2008 and both were unable to protect me period. Nor did they teach about life, values (any kind); taught me about lying, cheating, and destruction of core being. Hearing it is hard when husband does not validate your belief, your thoughts and feelings Fadeaway and that would cause me to at times question my beliefs, opinions, etc. I lived this way all of my life. I am older now and in EMDR Therapy I am learning slowly to awaken brain and beliefs and thoughts and feelings. It is safe in my circle of support to now do so. Never before was it safe because I selected beings that were so broken they were unable to allow me my voice, thoughts, etc.

Just like Shankara I too am being triggered by others' either apathy re: my thoughts, feelings, etc. and/or they too are unable to healthily access their own core being and develop their own sense of self - thoughts, feelings, core beliefs, opinions without allowing others to invalidate them, too. I no longer allow others to define me; and now present time only allow healthy beings around me that give me empathy, validate my thoughts, and are truthful (their truth) about whatever the topic du jour we are relating to one another. Never again will I expose myself for long periods of time to toxic people (not saying husband is this way) I am sharing that all my life I unconsciously selected as "friends" people who never validated my thoughts, feelings, opinions, and they also never actively listened to what I was so difficultly trying to say. Never again will I allow myself to be invalidated, and when this happens I (Jade) articulate and assert in the best way possible my position, feelings, etc. Growing up and being systematically core destroyed and left with no sense of self whatsoever by "caregivers" who essentially stole my soul completely from me, and I went around trying to take myself out of this world, well I've been there, done that, and now day to day two steps forward and at time one to two steps backward Fadeaway I am no longer daily fading away. I and this takes work in EMDR Therapy and honesty and willingness to speak the unspeakable in these sessions, am slowly but steadily (only after 5th (?) session am feeling a sense of self, and also the trauma is very slowly loosening it's grip on my mind/brain and on the triggers/flashes precious one.

It is so very important whom I give my power (thoughts, feelings, love, spontaneity (waiting for spontaneity), playfulness, light, and opinions (to name a few) too, Fadeaway. This is a process of hard work either in EMDR Therapy (talk - cognitive therapy) did not work for me, neither did a bucket load of mind-numbing and mind-altering psychotropic drugs for over 20 plus years, beloved Fadeaway. You will, if you stick to recovery, learn how to listen to other people's feedback, feelings, thoughts, and opinions, etc. then take what you need - and leave the rest, for Fadeaway. Many try to help and a few can end of stealing our soul, our very core if you let them, so don't you let them. You have a brain that is begging for guidance, direction from the past madness, and I am sicker with prolonged complex ptsd triggers/flashes from extreme long-term exposure to unbelievable torture, trauma, etc. and being so sick I am needing to work my expletive butt off to journey to find Jade, whom up to this point never had a chance to exist, grow, learn, thrive and connect with others. I may not ever get there, however Fadeaway - I will never give up! Jade

 

[ms spock]

This is attached to a deep need for education around childhood trauma and complex trauma and how much it effects the next generations. I can't express myself well tonight but what you are talking about is spot on and a space that needs to be explored on a societal level.

And gosh that really effects me, still, day by day, at the moment. I am feeling for you @Fadeaway. Don't forget me to private message at the right time.

 

[Jim Me]

It happens so often, but I couldn't pin it down. It is that attitude you get when you tell someone som...

I just read that in Pete Walker's book, and I feel you're right. I think that when someone (e.g. you, me) doesn't have someone else, particularly a loved one or elder or caregiver call out the abuse or neglect for what it is and or rescue us, we just feel more hopeless or worthless or deserving of the abuse, assault, yelling, disregard.